thought i was doing okay but it is BAD

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i thought i was doing good, i even made an account on here yesterday and posted...even reconnected over the internet with my best and only friend after about a year or more of silence. even didn't take any sleeping pills last night (i am trying to stop that habit). when i woke up to take my sister to school and drop my brother off at dads, i didn't even feel that nervous about driving, i was even making jokes with my brother.

and then at my dads house, my brother left for bus already, and then i just had a really bad meltdown? breakdown? i don't know. haven't done that in a long time it feels like. started crying out of nowhere and i couldn't stop, and rocking rocking rocking trying to calm down but it just kept getting worse and it was like i couldn't control myself! was crying really hard and on the floor and scratching the back of my neck really hard, i didn't want to but it felt like i was only halfway there, i don't know how to describe. when i could finally finally calm down i tried to look in the mirror and the back of my neck is all red scratched up and it hurts and i'm very ashamed, why couldn't i stop? my hair is not long enough to cover it, but whatever i'll hide it somehow i guess.

i don't understand, it's like too many things inside, feelings i guess. i feel really stupid because i can't even tell what i'm feeling, can't match up what feelings feel like and what they are called most of the time.

i haven't had something like that happen in a long time. i used to hit my head against the wall or scratch myself on sides/back, always feel ashamed afterwards, it's like a little kid. i am back home now, will just stay in my room today and tomorrow i guess. i was planning on going to my grandmas but i dont think i can handle even driving over there right now.

everybody expects me to act like a normal person all the time, and i try really hard but it's so hard. i'm home alone most of the time so when things like this happen nobody is around so i don't think anybody in my family knows about these kinds of breakdowns. my mom always gets mad at me when i cry so it's not like i can tell her. she already gets upset because i can't do the things everybody else my age does.

i don't know. very teary now, but very slowly calming down.

I think we all have our meltdowns sometimes and trust me I may only be 17 but I have had some exprenices where things can just go really bad or all of a sudden and I just snap and breakdown, ome day something really awesome could happen but the next might be absolutely horrid. Sadley thats just life it happens but allot of people especially those herecan understand how you are feeling and what you are going through.

You can feel frer if you wish to message me anytime, I like to try help others the best I can, anyway for now just do what your doing try to relax and keep as positive as you can and trust me I know that can be hard and I don't do well with it to, but just try. Hope You Feel Better Soon

oh, thank you for replying, i was wondering maybe if this was not common. i'm glad you can relate, i was not sure if this would be labeled a meltdown or not.

yes, i tried very hard to just be positive and focus on happy music and i think it helped. sleeping some helped too. i'm feeling much better now, although my eyelids are very swollen and it hurts to blink gotta stay like this. again, thank you very much!

No problem, glad to hear you are feeling better!