Finally diagnosed, and feeling down

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Finally got my official Aspergers diagnosis, and having mixed feelings. I have been told that I am very high functioning and have acquired lots of coping mechanisms by myself through trial and error, but my main problem is related to socialising.

On one hand I am relieved to know why I've always found some apparently basic things in life a bit difficult, despite having an above average IQ, and why I would get asked more often than not “But why can't you do ______? You are so smart!” or being told “How can you be so clumsy!? You have two hands and feet like everyone else! You are just being awkward on purpose”, which I wasn't. Or why my normal facial expression seems serious or aloof, when I'm not. And also why I have gifts that I wouldn't change for the world.

However, on the other hand I'm feeling a bit depressed about it too. It saddens me to think that I will always have problems socializing. It's not so much that I can't interact with people – I'm very good at projecting my NT avatar in public for short periods of time, it's exhausting though. And I do want to interact with others, even if I do need alone time to recharge. It's more that although I can put up a front and interact with people, I find it so hard to actually connect at a deeper level with others and make friendships. To be honest, my current support group is reduced to my closest family, whom I love. But at times it would be nice to have people out with that small circle to be with, talk and do things. And now my fear is that this is as good as I will get.

And I am also soooo angry for not being diagnosed at a younger age. Maybe if I had received professional support when I was young, things may have been different and wouldn't find the social part of life so complicated. And maybe I would actually know how to make and maintain satisfying lasting relationships – not talking about romantic relationships here, just normal friendships.

I am so angry that girls and women get ignored and are overlooked for a diagnosis until they reach maturity, and are therefore denied invaluable support that could change their whole life.

And I am angry for what things may have been had I known earlier. And that makes me sad.

If I were you, I would focus on the future, rather than be bitter at the past. At least you're not my age LOL

I usually focus on the future most of the time, but feeling particularly angry/sad/frustrated right now, and just need a good rant.

Understandable. As long as the rant doesn't extend for the rest of your life

I could be a major-league ranter at times!

LOL hopefully will be over it tomorrow. The fact that I had a bit of a meltdown this evening about something completely unrelated started it all. Plus just being officially diagnosed.

I went through a very similar time of grieving when I was diagnosed. It was official that there are hard limits to how well I can do in the social understanding of the world, executive function etc.

It gets better. I also got therapy with a psych who specializes with AS in adults. I learned what my strengths from AS are, and how to utilize them better. How to explain my differences and problems with others. How to accept my limitations and do things that avoid my limitations and cater to what I do well. I also developed better coping mechanisms.

Hold on, it gets better.