Horrible.

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I can barely bring myself to type this. I can't even find words to describe how horrible I feel. I feel like I'm a nuisance, a burden to everyone around me. For others, I'm a target, or a means to an end. I've been this way since freshman year in high school. I am currently twenty, and going to a community college. I'm pushing 250 lbs. Exercise is pointless. It is exploited by charlatans to sell pills and cosmetic surgery. Since 2009, I have attempted suicide twice. I fail to see the point of killing myself. There is no point. At the same time, life is meaningless. All we can do while we live is wait to die, and succumb to eternal darkness. Nothingness. When we die, our friends and families will forget about us, if not celebrate our demise to cover for their own denial of the pointlessness of it all. When the nukes finally go off, and when the Earth is reduced to ash, the Universe at large will not give a damn. When this Universe goes, the others will follow. And then, nothing.

To me, there's always Nature to fall back on. No human can take away the trees, the mountains, the sky.

Exercise is the best way to lose weight, and to help you feel better. Pills are useless and dangerous.

What you are taking up in college?

Psychology and public speaking. They haven't done much.

Public speaking....what made you go into that?

Beats me.

Try cutting out refined grains and sugars, and eat lots of green veggies and meat and nuts/seeds. It's called the Paleo Diet, and while it may not work for you it does for lots of people. You are likely eating "comfort food" like burgers and candy, which is why you're so fat and depressed. The withdrawal from sugar is AWFUL, take it from me, but you have to do it to get to the other side. There used to be a big paleo diet booster on WP, but she apparently quit the forum.

IMHO the OP has personal insights on depression that will benefit others he counsels after he matriculates into a helping profession.

^I doubt I have anything to offer to anybody.

you are young yet, you will grow into your life. I believe in you.

Bret Easton Ellis was eighteen or nineteen when he wrote Less Than Zero. I'm already twenty, and I haven't done anything major.

we all too easily notice the ones brighter and shinier than us, we place them on pedestals above us- but we hardly pay any mind to the ones straggling behind us/below us, struggling. there are people who see you who, even though you in your estimation have not made anything "major" still are middle-class and existentially above billions of other people on this planet- and they wonder why they haven't "done anything major" either. IOW to them you are "UP" from where they are at.

You really mean that, auntblabby? I didn't know there were people on WP who knew me for more than my rants and raves.

yes I mean that. you have things to be thankful for. the following bit of prose has much comfort to offer-

DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world in full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is: many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Perhaps you need a little while to 'regroup' with your life. You seem dis-satisfied with what you are doing in college, so that is likely an issue with your happiness.

Are there any subjects you liked in school? Do you have any passions? Perhaps you could persue a career in something related to that. Understand that this might take time, though. A couple years figuring out things might seem really bad, but in this age, many people don't start a 'real' career until they're about 30. Its true that we don't live forever, but you can make the best of it while you still can, and statistically people are happier in their independent life than before hand, so give it a shot. Death is not something that can be undone, so don't throw it away.

I'm still feeling like crap. Can hardly bring myself to type.

When I was 38 years old I weighed 270 pounds. I started going out at night when no one could see me and jogging, at first just from one streetlight to the next, then walk to the next streetlight then jog again. Dong this every night, in darkness, when human beings were not dissecting me, I was able to work my way up to a mile straight . It took me about 4 months to get there. By that time I was down to 219 pounds doing that. I know its a b***h when you are so self conscious and feel like a victim to all the temptation of those entities you mentioned. If I can do it at that age, you can do it to. Be inconspicuous, take your time. Don't give up. Exercise is not pointless. You are young. Don't give up on yourself.