My Aspie bf is obsessed with sex. Help!

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laura14801
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20 May 2014, 2:07 pm

My boyfriend and I both have Asperger's and have been dating on/off for five years. And he has a very high sex drive and wants it all the time. He knows feel uncomfortable with sex and have trust issues due to abuse, but he won't stop and this and It is too much for me and has become rather annoying. But what I am really concerned about is that he says his way of acting out his love is when we have sex. He says that that is how he acts out his love and its one of the only way he knows so that is why he wants to do it (sex) all the time. I'm afraid he will do something impulsive if this continues. This doesn't make me feel good and I don't know where else to turn. Please help.



tarantella64
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20 May 2014, 2:52 pm

Laura, if you're not comfortable around him and he can't respect your boundaries, just stay away from him. You're not obliged to defend your decision or explain yourself to him.



blueroses
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20 May 2014, 3:12 pm

I agree with what tarantella64 said. If you are afraid he is going to assault you, you should not continue a relationship with him.



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20 May 2014, 3:22 pm

People don't like to be around others that make them feel uncomfortable. Just saying...


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Cafeaulait
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20 May 2014, 3:26 pm

This does not sound like a healthy relationship. and basically you've been dating on and off for 5 years right now. personally i would have called it quits long before.



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20 May 2014, 3:29 pm

From experience of being an Aspie male, I wonder if this chap struggles to show any affection unless it's of the sexual kind?

If you're already uncomfortable you probably should back away, though if you're willing to give him a chance you might want to confront him with your concerns without use of hints or suggestion*. Give it to him black and white.

* forgive me if you've already done this


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20 May 2014, 4:23 pm

I'd agree that this doesn't sound healthy and you in no way should feel obligated to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Please look after yourself and don't be talked into doing something damaging.


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20 May 2014, 4:23 pm

Obsessed?
That is a pretty strong word, especially considering there are over seven billion of us.

Here's my take on this post.
You've kind of decided to break up with this guy most likely because you're eyeballing another prospective boyfriend and are seeking validation for your decision.
This, in my opinion, is why you are finding continued intimacy with him "difficult to stomach."
Your post has given a dozen indicators that this is true.

Here's my advice, because you asked.
You are a big girl now. You don't need any validation nor approval from faceless internet people.
If you want to upgrade your boyfriend then upgrade your boyfriend, don't make him into an assumed near rapist or sicko, because this will be immensely psychologically damaging to him forever. And yourself.
YOU will be raping him. And rape is not cool.

Please do not mentally harm another person simply to validate what you think may be a bad or selfish choice on your part, because the choice is neither "bad" nor "selfish."

You have been engaging in adult behavior (sex) so be brave, act like a responsible adult and end this relationship as kindly and gently as you can, otherwise you won't deserve to be called a Woman and definitely won't deserve any decent man. And you'll know it for years.

A real Woman, a strong Woman, can show kindness, caring, and gentleness like no other creature on the planet.

If you have ever loved or cared for this man then please act like a grownup rather than a teenager drama princess.
Make it clean, make it painless and you will know for years that you do deserve to have a great man in your life.

Go do the right thing.


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1401b
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20 May 2014, 4:31 pm

I don't expect she'll actually ever be back to read these responses.


Edited to add: ^Sorry about this, it's wrong and cynical.


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Last edited by 1401b on 20 May 2014, 7:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Giftorcurse
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20 May 2014, 4:40 pm

This is what women get for sleeping around.


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1401b
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20 May 2014, 4:47 pm

Giftorcurse wrote:
This is what women get for sleeping around.

Tough choices are a part of life, sluts don't have it any harder than nuns.


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20 May 2014, 4:50 pm

1401b wrote:
Obsessed?
That is a pretty strong word, especially considering there are over seven billion of us.

Here's my take on this post.
You've kind of decided to break up with this guy most likely because you're eyeballing another prospective boyfriend and are seeking validation for your decision.
This, in my opinion, is why you are finding continued intimacy with him "difficult to stomach."
Your post has given a dozen indicators that this is true.

Here's my advice, because you asked.
You are a big girl now. You don't need any validation nor approval from faceless internet people.
If you want to upgrade your boyfriend then upgrade your boyfriend, don't make him into an assumed near rapist or sicko, because this will be immensely psychologically damaging to him forever. And yourself.
YOU will be raping him. And rape is not cool.

Please do not mentally harm another person simply to validate what you think may be a bad or selfish choice on your part, because the choice is neither "bad" nor "selfish."

You have been engaging in adult behavior (sex) so be brave, act like a responsible adult and end this relationship as kindly and gently as you can, otherwise you won't deserve to be called a Woman and definitely won't deserve any decent man. And you'll know it for years.

A real Woman, a strong Woman, can show kindness, caring, and gentleness like no other creature on the planet.

If you have ever loved or cared for this man then please act like a grownup rather than a teenager drama princess.
Make it clean, make it painless and you will know for years that you do deserve to have a great man in your life.

Go do the right thing.



Wwwwwwhat?


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20 May 2014, 4:51 pm

1401b wrote:
Giftorcurse wrote:
This is what women get for sleeping around.

Tough choices are a part of life, sluts don't have it any harder than nuns.



Class acts all round there, chaps.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.


laura14801
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20 May 2014, 4:51 pm

1401b wrote:
Obsessed?
That is a pretty strong word, especially considering there are over seven billion of us.

Here's my take on this post.
You've kind of decided to break up with this guy most likely because you're eyeballing another prospective boyfriend and are seeking validation for your decision.
This, in my opinion, is why you are finding continued intimacy with him "difficult to stomach."
Your post has given a dozen indicators that this is true.

Here's my advice, because you asked.
You are a big girl now. You don't need any validation nor approval from faceless internet people.
If you want to upgrade your boyfriend then upgrade your boyfriend, don't make him into an assumed near rapist or sicko, because this will be immensely psychologically damaging to him forever. And yourself.
YOU will be raping him. And rape is not cool.

Please do not mentally harm another person simply to validate what you think may be a bad or selfish choice on your part, because the choice is neither "bad" nor "selfish."

You have been engaging in adult behavior (sex) so be brave, act like a responsible adult and end this relationship as kindly and gently as you can, otherwise you won't deserve to be called a Woman and definitely won't deserve any decent man. And you'll know it for years.

A real Woman, a strong Woman, can show kindness, caring, and gentleness like no other creature on the planet.

If you have ever loved or cared for this man then please act like a grownup rather than a teenager drama princess.
Make it clean, make it painless and you will know for years that you do deserve to have a great man in your life.

Go do the right thing.


I have TRIED to end it several times, but he won't let me break up with him. Every time he guilt trips me into staying with him. He always gets depressed, suicidal, and starts to blame himself for everything. And yes, I am starting to think he may have an obsession with me. He thinks I am the only one and refuses to move on, and the reason why I am asking for advice on a forum is because none of my friends/family are being supportive.



blueroses
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20 May 2014, 4:53 pm

1401b wrote:
I don't expect she'll actually ever be back to read these responses.


I sincerely hope she doesn't come back to read your post. She doesn't deserve to be attacked or demeaned or to have anyone make wild assumptions about her motivations or her character.

Mods: Could someone please move this thread to The Haven before it becomes open season on the OP?



blueroses
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20 May 2014, 4:57 pm

laura14801 wrote:
I have TRIED to end it several times, but he won't let me break up with him. Every time he guilt trips me into staying with him. He always gets depressed, suicidal, and starts to blame himself for everything. And yes, I am starting to think he may have an obsession with me. He thinks I am the only one and refuses to move on, and the reason why I am asking for advice on a forum is because none of my friends/family are being supportive.


Please take care of yourself and don't let this guy manipulate you into continuing in a relationship you don't want to be in or doing anything with your body that makes you uncomfortable. And, you didn't do anything wrong by posting what you did here and looking for advice, so don't take posts that suggest you did seriously.



Last edited by blueroses on 20 May 2014, 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.