Well its official I am an insensitive as*hole!

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Well I wasn't going to whine on the haven but you know what I might as well admit I have been an as*hole and well apologizing is pointless but I might as well apologize anyway because karma has caught up to me for my immature antics, I receive info my mother has cancer and only has a couple years left to live so now im pretty depressed and deserve that one. Ive greatly offended a wp member if not a few with a post a couple days ago as a joke meant to mildly annoy but it was much much worse and well apologizing is not going to be enough regardless of the apology made now they hate my guts maybe not as much as I hate myself but I guess its for the best they got what they wanted for my actions. But ya know its ok I accept it i deserve it I have been a bad person I have indeed been insensitive I have been using passive aggressive tactics and been getting on peoples nerves. I don't know what to do anymore I don't know if I have a soul anymore im an insensitive person and that's that, maybe I should change myself? Maybe I should put a bullet in my head or maybe get back with my abusive ex? Maybe I should just accept that I am an evil person and for that price and kharma based on my as*hole antics that my mother i love alot is going to pass away and knowing I cannot see her because my abusive stepdad will put a bullet in my head because hes stalked me online for two years after getting out of there.

What do I do now what should I do? I am taking full responsibility for my actions maybe losing a family member of mine isn't enough *shrug* Maybe I should try to see my dying mother even though my abusive stepdad will shoot me in the head with his pistol it might make everything better for everyone if I was no longer alive but then again I should just not associate with the person I offended and if the person I offended shouldn't associate with me I don't know. Ill die some day so thats thats it will make whoever hates me happy. It is what it is I am what I am ill be an outcast and a class clown trying to get attention, ill try to help things out but make things worse ill try to merely annoy someone who doesn't like me and I mutually don't like back and make things 50x worse. So now im paying the price based upon Kharma I may not believe in god or gods but i do have a belief in kharma and it has caught up and I shall have to deal with it for the rest of my life for being a an insensitive as*hole or a troll if it were. Maybe its not a big deal or maybe it is maybe im overreacting and being a drama queen out of being an idiot again. I dont know anymore Im slowly not going to care anymore and simply not associate or respond to the person that I offended and move on! It beats putting a bullet in my head or getting back with my ex as punishment since Im going to lose my mom already.Life sucks the worlds a cruel and unusual place should I be cruel too to survive? I dont know anymore maybe I should just be the martyr and take the whole hatred and punishment! I used to self harm maybe I should again I once was tempted to chop my fingers off with a meat cleaver during a bad melt down but I chickened out! Thats a bit exteme or maybe not!

Last edited by AspieOtaku on 18 May 2014, 2:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Forget it ill just not reply to the person as long as the person doesnt reply to be because to be honest I dont like that person and that person rubs me the wrong way! That person can simply relish in my grief of my mother dying as a result of possible Kharma and consider things even!

Hey, we all screw up, make mistakes, and say things we regret, but one thing you have to remember is that you're on a forum for autistics; we tend to say s**t that offends other people, without even realizing it! As well, whenever we crack jokes, sometimes they end up offending more than they're supposed to (because let's face it, inoffensive jokes generally aren't funny). I'm not saying you have a "get out of jail free" card for not being tactful, but you know, you don't have to be so hard on yourself.

I'm a fan of you, and I think people on here give you much more crap than you deserve. Especially considering that your mother's dying and you have an abusive stepfather stalking you, I can totally see why you would turn to humor for relief. You're not a bad guy, you're just reacting under pressure from a bad situation.

About your stepfather, do you think there's any way you could get a restraining order placed against him? It might be a good idea.

You were absolutely wonderful when I talked to you! So what if you said some things at other times that you shouldn't have. I heart you very much and consider you a friend now. So tell whoever says that s**t about you to bite you, bite me, and bite Michael Vick's dogs! You're nice, f**k them.

Hit me up in PM and I'll give you my new number. Call me. You certainly deserve a shoulder to cry on/lean on like you gave me!

I don't think your words rise up to such an extreme level. You don't deserve to have your mother sick. What stage is her illness in?

You're just a jokester, as I'm a jokester. We all have to use more discretion at times.

But this is not Karma. Karma is if you kill someone for no good reason, then hear the news of your mother. I wish this wasn't Life--but is is.

Don't lose your spirit. I'm sure your mother wouldn't want you to lose your spirit. Don't listen to sanctimonious jerks. Help your mother heal, and continue to joke around (albeit, perhaps, with more thought as to your audience).

You need that joking spirit to help heal your mother. Otherwise, you'll become useless to her.

Sorry to hear about your mom,it's not your fault.Maybe you could visit her with another family member present so you would have someone to get your back if the stepdad causes problems.
Don't worry about offending people,it happens to us all at times.

Gosh, well I have several responses:
First, so sorry to hear about your Mom's illness. Cancer is a terrible disease. My father died of cancer. Hugs!
Second, in no way are you responsible for your Mom's illness. You are conflating two things in your mind because of timing.
Third, you apologized. Now learn from it and move forward.

Im probably gonna screw up again and now im paying the price, I have to deal with that regret for my actions and its my punishment for damn sure. I have signed up to be a marrow doner and offered to donate my marrow to try and save her but she refuses and is accepting her fate wtf does this have to happen and im rarely able to contact her because my stepdad will threaten and harrass me and track my number down and i would have to deal with him again. im sure hes only sticking around my mom hoping waiting for her to die so he can run off with whatevers on her will and would love me out of the picture. Now Im losing more members of my family, I have very few friends and im surprised they still stick around me due to my stupid disorders i have and how immature I act and now a few of them are able to spend less time with me because a few of them are getting married and such and moving on dispite the area i live in i love, I am starting to feel more alone. I suck at interacting with most people because my behavior is annoying to most people and im weird. Maybe I shouldn't have lived out on my own again maybe I should have stayed living with my sister I don't know any more the reason i wanted to move out was so i can be independent and not be a burden on anyone anymore. I don't know what to do anymore besides stop being an insensative immature jerk online. I contemplate suicide time and time again but people will interfere so theres no point in that and its probably a stupid idea anyways. When I temporarily escape the harsh reality its not going to make things better, as times in life get worse and worse eventually there will be nobody for me to talk to my friends slowly moving on with their lives my family members dying off and moving to far away places all spread out and just me alone, a shut in, afraid of most people, afraid to settle down with someone out of fear of another abusive relationship. Confused and afraid not knowing what to do and ending up doing stupid crap to get attention out of jokery when thats not going to make things better either.

Last edited by AspieOtaku on 18 May 2014, 11:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Are you still in contact with your sister?

Yeah I can shes my only link to my mother that's how i receive the info my mom has only a few years left she got Leukemia again. Its nice talking to my sister and brother at times but sometimes not the same as spending time with them and it sucks we all have busy scheduals.

So your life isn't easy and you've developed a silly sense of humour as a survival mechanism. Welcome to the club dude! I can be an insensitive as*hole too.

I don't always agree with your posts or find them funny, but I'm perfectly entitled to that as you are of me and anyone else. I'm sure the people who you've offended / irritated are mature enough to get over it, as I'm sure you are.

So what if someone has a negative opinion of you? Take each clash as an opportunity to learn something about yourself and other people. Everyone is entitled to make an ass of themselves at times. (at least I certainly hope so for my sake)

BTW, rule of thumb regarding apologies: keep them short, keep them sweet. There's always a point to apologising if you're wrong about something, even if your apology isn't accepted (though I'm sure it has). If you're big enough to apologise you're big enough to know that apology doesn't always equal group hug and immediate reconciliation.

Good to have the network though. Too bad your stepfather is such a problem. Sounds like a scary guy.

Hes a sociopath and is controlling with a violent streak i have tried to save my mom from him but she doesnt want to be saved shes in a stolkholm syndrome like state with him hes controlling and violent and will do what it takes to get his way if he cant control someone he gets very violent. He has always told me I am worthless am nothing will never achieve anything and time and time again I have proven him wrong and he gets angry and does whatever it takes to ruin my accomplishments. He raped my sister when she was 16 I did not know this until she told me a couple years ago she did it to protect me from him. I hate that man very much I don't hate many people but I do hate him hes ruined my life and made my life miserable he doesn't have my number and doesn't know where I live and i will keep it that way but if he does then i guess ill have to either prepare to defend myself or call the police. My ex fiance is just as cruel and hateful I don't have to explain why since i already mentioned that monster before as well. I just have to hold on to the people I actually do trust and love when I can because not many people i trust these days I am apprehensive and sometimes fearful of people I dont know.

At least you are away from him now. It's unfortunate that your Mom is with this guy, but she has to follow her own path. I'm sorry she is ill.