Debating if I have wasted my twenties (32 now by the way)

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I saw a video on youtube about how this is the most defining decade of your life. It is now bugging me as I feel I have not achieved what I want but I did learn allot and I have quite a bit of study although in my very late twenties I started studying with the Open University and took up Teakondo. This was shorty after getting a job in IT support which I wanted all though I would like to move up to a higher position in the same type of job. I would like to start I family but don't have a partner and worry about running out of time. I am going for option 3 in the poll

Studies now show that the neurological maturation of the brain - and in particular the pre-frontal cortex continues until the mid-twenties in the average person. These studies focus on persons who fall into the NT or close enough to it range for statistical purposes. The 'your twenties define your whole life' concept is predicated on the NT rate of maturation and NT developmental 'crystallization' of the personality that occurs in the twenties. I seriously suspect they did not include people on the spectrum in these studies.

Therefore, you can ignore this information if you are on the spectrum. It does not apply.

People on the spectrum continue to mature and develop well into their thirties, and often do not settle down into relationships and work life stability until then. Do not let NT concepts of success and normality
be a cause of anxiety in your life. You are on your own path and it is not for others to judge and compare you some NT timeline...

As for running out of time...While it is true that the reproductive biological clock is ticking away, it is not the only issue. Older first time partners and parents often have a better outcome...especially if they are AS. There is a maturity that only time and experience can bestow.

You have not 'missed the boat' because your ship is probably still under construction. Keep building!

Last edited by BornThisWay on 20 May 2014, 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That sounds about right.

I'm 40 now, and in some ways it took me until now to really become an adult. I simply wasn't as capable in my 20's in a lot of ways, and sometimes now I still feel more like a smart teenager than an adult. Maybe that'll never go away.

In any event, I may not have accomplished much of note in my 20's, like get married or write a novel or make my first million, but that time wasn't wasted, either. I needed that time to grow and learn, as did you. It's funny how we're adult-like as children and child-like as adults, but that's our destiny.

Tragically I have lost 8 years and 8 months from my life and counting but I feel an end to this is near. I would love to elaborate but I can't be bothered, at least not here. I am 31 by the way.

The 20's are the defining decade of a person's business and professional career. At least in America, when we say "Your 20's are the most important years" that's what we mean, whether we realize it or not. Everything is defined in terms of social status in context of business, and how marry-able someone is.

I think pretty much everybody 'thinks' they've done less than they could have or should have, with most any part of their life.

How much training did you actually have that provided the exact solutions and exact verifiable answers on the realities of how to appropriately enact your twenties?
And to be completely fair, practice makes perfect, so how many times have you been able to do a practice run through your twenties before you had to do them for real?

All things considered, you probably did pretty goddamn good for no real Masters Level training and absolute zero chance to practice even once first.

What does wasted mean

I completed my graduation in my 20's, completed a diploma course, struggled to get a job, and jumped from job to job due to poor social skills and interpersonal skills
Got married had a kid suffered from post partum depression, struggled financially
finally now in my mid 30's lost a job again, struggling to raise a child, handling tantrums of the child, 0 social life

I did my best but due to lack of social skills i faired miserably

and would continue fairing misearbly because no way i would suddenly get a smile on my face,
or my bodily expression woudl change, or i would learn to make eye contact

I used to lament all the time about how I've wasted my teen years, but thinking about it now, the only thing I really regret about it was not finishing high school. I'm 20 years old now, and while I may not be as independent or mature as a lot of other people my age, that doesn't mean I have to feel bad about it. I have Aspergers and I'm living in the 21st century, I'm in just the right position to continue living out a prolonged adolescence. f**k what everyone else says, in the great words of Mindless Self Indulgence "you're only young once, but you can be immature forever!"

I just wanted to say this is a very sensible answer to me. I LOVE the last line in particular: sums me up PERFECTLY and even my NT late Grandfather. Seems to me I am late to hit every milestone and there is no reason why I can't hit the last one (wife and child(ren)) within the few years. Later than I planned, but at least that means with my experience there is less chance of an ugly divorce like I would have faced had I married in my 20s with my centered-around-my-special-interests attitude. My only concern is that I missed my boat and the decent women my age are all married off but I will keep plugging away.

Thanks for your replies on this. I probably am a late developer and I probably did do some of the things that I should of done in twenties anyway such as getting an IT job although I now meed to improve this(interviews are an issue though), starting martial arts class and starting to study with the OU at 29 and I will be forever grateful to some of the people that helped me do some of these things despite social issues but I don't feel I got the most out of the time and feel under slightly more pressure now as a result. I did a boring job from my late teens to mid twenty's but I did evening courses and part time study as at the same time. I think part of this was because I didn't do as well as I could during my teens partly due people who where supposed to be helping me having lower expectations of me probably due to misconceptions about my disability. (Not believing I can do things that I found i can) I feel people underrate peoples intelligence if they have a disability and in allot of cases it is wrong and highly patronizing as it is known that people with aspergers have normal or better intelligence and no two people with a disability are going to be the same. Also silly requirements in jobs or education can be a barrier or a complete road block causing us to change direction.

If one of us wants to follow the advice of claiming your twenty's I think the way to do this would be to develop one of our specialist subjects that we could make a good career out of, train in it as early as possible and don't let people make you believe you can't do it or patronize you. It is your life and you that are going to have the results good or bad or spend extra time making up for it later. Find out what is needed to work in the chosen industry and if it is doable for you go for it.

Obviously it is still possible later on but it is more difficult due to having less time, more commitments and most likely a slightly more developed brain although as pointed out this may be different for us to some degree and I would guess this would be slightly different in each person anyway.

One last point is that I never gave up.

Last edited by Robbie on 22 May 2014, 3:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, I'm almost a decade younger than you, so my insights may not be of much use. However, I think you really have to decide for yourself if you have "wasted" those years. There's lots of ways people grow that they aren't even aware of. I myself am surprised just how much I have changed during this past year. Not necessarily for the better, but change nevertheless. Irs not a matter of how much time you've "wasted", but rather how you're going to use the time you've got.