Life is mean, every day a fight, I grit my teeth

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Life is mean, every day a fight, I grit my teeth and take the load. Another day.


I try what else can I do. I fight. I got tears streaming down my face.

You know that bit in Shawshank when after 20 years of digging he gets out, it's black outside and pouring with rain and thunder, but he is out. Somehow he made it.

I've been digging for 35 years. Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I feel I am getting somewhere, sometimes nowhere. Can't look backwards too much - I can't believe where I started and that I have had to struggle so hard, I can't believe I am not there yet. I am not sure I will ever get out. Please, just want to be happy once.

I was so young once and people were cruel like you wouldn't believe. I was so small and they hurt me, and they laughed as I cried : they laughed. That small boy didn't couldn't understand it, hate like that, I think I just imploded and I have struggled 3 and a half decades to reverse the damage.

Just one sunrise, just one smile.

yeah, i feel like that sometimes...especially if i'm boggling my mind for ideas for a story. i keep wondering i'll ever come out of this endless thought process and set sail for a new adventure.

Sometimes I feel like my spirit is being slowly killed. I don't know how to improve things or feel better. And my life hasn't even been as hard as a lot of people's...

My spirit died long ago. I'm just waiting to catch up to it.

That's very poetic what you said at the end, rideforever. I am sorry you've had so much pain that you imploded. Totally understand. (((you))) Stay hopeful!

thats awfull.

do you know what you need? can you envision how you may get there?

have you got some therapy? you need more help then you can get here i reckon

This thread has my name on it. "Are you depressed? Do you feel hopeless? Are you so tired of every day being such a grind that you contemplate giving up?" Yup, that's me too. Sorry to not have any happy words to share, but did think it might be helpful to add myself to the list.

i felt like you guys... then i found Jesus

BTW, i thought the Shawshank Redemption movie was amazing, its in my top 3 list

Similar, but instead of jesus I discovered more universal balances - I refer to it simply as "life" and one must REALLY step back to see it for what it is.

I know it often doesn't feel like it, but when you're fighting, you're winning. The victory is in the effort, a matter of will -- the one thing we have that's totally ours, that no one and nothing else can change. Don't dismiss this as sunny-day idealism -- I'm a full-time depressive.