careers, love and life

Post Reply New Topic

so I asked in another forum but i supose its better here.

Everyone seems to say to have life/love you need to work on your career. this upsets me cause I have no career in my future. Lots of people don't. Not everyone can have a career, but has to settle for jobs. so what about those people who just work jobs with no advancement chance?


It makes me feel hopeless and to be honest question why i'm bothering with trying to find work or stay alive.

My first question to you would be: why don't you think you can have a career? Most people who have that mindset are either not fully aware of their options, don't have the motivation to pursue those options, or sell themselves short by not thinking they can succeed with those options. There are indeed some people who are unable to hold a good, steady job and you may indeed be one of them, but I think that they are in the minority.

My second question is: what is it that you want out of life? Do you have any goals or aspirations? How are you working to achieve those goals? Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, or 15 years? You don't need a career to enjoy life or to find love, but it certainly makes it easier for most people, which is why they suggest it. It all depends on what you want in life and what your goals are. Some people quit their jobs and travel cross-country on the railroads as hobos and love it...certainly not something I would do or enjoy, but that's what makes us all different.

If what those people said was true, there wouldn't be so many men who just have jobs rather than careers, and who are married.
And your life should be what you want it to be. It's YOUR life, noone else's and if building a career isn't what makes you happy, don't do it.

Cause most careers require college. I would love to be a police officer but it requires college and well they are firing lots of people so its tough to get into anyways. I went to school and got a automotive degree. I thought it would be a career I could do. $10-25 an hour though I don't know if I'd classify it as a career cause there really is no advancement after moving from lube tech to line tech
Due to anxiety , slowness, lack of money, and sound sensitivity it isn't really do able for me.

I said career not job. I have no doubt that once I get hired I'll hold a steady job forever most likely, been doing this seasonal job for years, and had another summer job i did for 3 years before that. Its the having a career or "good job" that women seem to want I doubt I'll ever find. this leads me to feel that no accomplishment I do will ever be good enough. I'll never be a doctor, office manager, or detective. I don't even really want those jobs, they wouldn't bring me happiness. I actually enjoy cashiering, customer service. but those are good enough

Besides a gf and family I don't know. I wanted to join the military but can't so then I tried mechanic. That's two failed goals, so I'm not sure what work I want, and dislike how that is the key defining attribute for people. I could really car less what people do for a living when I talk to them. It isn't the thing I ask about I tend to be more into what people's activities and interests are. so where it seems normal people are like "nice to meet you what do you do for a living?" I',m like " nice to met you, what shows/games/activities do you like?"

I want to settle down and have a family. but that's a pipe dream given my worthlessness to women. At least in my area, you do need a job/career(belive this relates to having money, which for me is a false reality(the more I work the less i make to point of losing money)), car, own place, attractive and fit. While I don't mean to pick on women I can only go by what I see. It seems that either A. they all just have the same ideal, b. women have copied from others, or c. theres a very unlikely cooperation between them. It really doesn't matter though cause lilke 90% of them have a very similar list or use a phrase of (have your **** together) which seems to be a catch all for the list minus the attractive and fit which is posted separately. of the 10% most i've talked to will bring up the questions of job/house/car in the first or second message, then upon my reply cease conversation.

I only want work to a. falsely hoping it'll help me be good enough for them, b. somthing to do and people interaction, c. a tiny amount of money to hopefully feed my hobbies. I probably only make $50 a month extra, so women expecting paid dates will likely be disinterested. right now I make 100-150 every 3 months for 32-50 hours. If I got a job doing that once a month would be my goal. more hours actally would decrease my income by brining in other expenses.

on my current path I see myself dead in less then 10 years. I don't feel being a permant cashier or security guard would make me good enough so I feel its unlikely to change that path. But at least I could buy more firearms or electronics, meh. I've found buying more things doesn't really give me long term happiness, I already have all the electronics I could want and some I could have done without but not like I go out and do things or have a woman to take on dates(seemed silly saving money back for something that won't happen. )

I wouldn't like living as a hobo or the traveling. If i ever win the lottery I plan to build a house in the woods and have groceries delivered. That way I'll never have to go out but for work at a store I'll open

I just don't know. I have a car, seasonal job working on permanent. I rent a place with family, I don't see a reason to move out until I had someone to move with. It would hurt my famiy, I'd have less money, and living alone would lead to less contact and probably deep depression. . I feel like how they see me now. worthless. Which year and half ago I felt more hopeful and worthy. took me 24 years to build up to be able to ask women out and now i'm worst then before. I'm debating not trying to find work. I joined voc rehab to get help finding a permanent jobt ,but I don't know why i bother when it won't be good enough.

I don't understand why it matters so much to the women in my area. I am fine dating a jobless woman. I technically have a job though the counselors are like its good work experience, but i just feel ashamed of it like it doesn't count cause its what women have told me. which is why i don't get why coworkers put it on their Facebook as their job.

I don't know any married guys who don't have careers that pay great money.

I wish it was that easy . It seems what makes me happy isn't what women in my area want in a guy. so i'm always going be left 3/4 happy. which for me means i get super sad every night before bed.

That was a really long post, but I'll try my best to respond! First off, being a mechanic is a good job, and there are many people who work in that area for their entire lives. It sounds to me like you do enjoy the work, you are just having time moving from a temp. job into a permanent position. I'd recommend to first have someone review your resume to make sure it is well-written, and then apply to as many jobs as you can in your area and try the voc. rehab thing. I don't know much about automotive work, but I'd probably recommend focusing on the major car dealerships, since you will be a part of a larger corporation. That often gives you room to move up, and if nothing else it gives you valuable experience at a company that other people will know by name. Just keep in mind that if you do high-quality work at one place, word can spread around! Also, are there any certifications that you can work on related to automotive work? Often there are certifications (like ASE certification or something) that can dramatically improve your chances of getting a decent job. Have you considered looking at jobs in manufacturing?

In my personal case, I didn't have a job after graduating either. I was living at home for 2 years and applied to countless jobs without so much as a reply. I ended up working far below my means simply to pay the bills. In the end, I went back to school for 2 years to develop additional skills and credentials, and now I'm pretty much working at my dream job...I practically had to fight off employers at that point. My point is that even if you're struggling finding long-term employment now, it can change in an instant, and there are concrete steps that you can take to improve your chances.

It sounds like your major 2 other issues are your self-esteem and your difficulty with romantic relationships. With regards to your self esteem, you are being way too hard on yourself. I've seen quite a few of your posts on these forums, and you come across as a very nice person with a good head on your shoulders. You present quite intelligent and respectful opinions in a lot of threads, and that's far more than I can say for many people . I can all but assure you that you are harder on yourself than others are on you. You really need to work on your self-image, because in many ways I think you may be sabotauging yourself with it. If you feel as though you are worthless, that sentiment will rub off on others around you. Whereas if you value yourself, others will value you also. I think that you should see a councelor or something...there may be a charity organization or something in your area that can offer counceling for free, such as Catholic charities. Depression is a serious illness that often requires the help of others to get through.

Regarding romantic relationships, you are right that women typically look for a guy that can support himself. But you are already supporting yourself in many ways...you have a car, and you pay your own rent. Once you find a permanent rather than temp. job, I'm sure you'll be doing more than ok in that regard. You don't need some high-paying career to find love, although it often helps. People typically date others who are in similar social circles. So yes, there are women who are in similar employment positions as yourself who I'm sure would be happy to know you...it's just a matter of finding them and making the right impression. I'm not going to pretend it's easy by any means, it's something I struggle with immensely. But it is far from impossible. Also, if I'm not mistaken, are you mostly using online dating? Keep in mind that with the whole online thing, people are generally far more picky than they may be otherwise, simply because the dating sites are almost like window shopping...people just browse through hundreds of options and pick the best one. Those sites require thick skin, because they can be quite brutal, particularly for men.

I hope that I was able to help at least somewhat. You really do seem like a good person, so I hate to see that you are feeling so bad.

it is a good job for people who can do it,they can make $40 an hour by being fast and juggling cars. It doesn't seem like a good fit for me. I"m more towards slower pace, less stressful stuff. I wish i'd known this before wasting 20k on school. to have got a degree and owe 10k just to work min wage jobs that i could have done right out of high school, is rather disapointed. Wasted years and money. I guess it was part(everyone goes go college after high school, its what the system gears you to the entire middle/high) and part I had nothing else to do and it was a income and something to do. manufacturing. not really, though they going have me do evaluation work at some manufacture of food, test me out on forklift, bottling etc.

I'm jealous. I can never go back to school again, the gov is done with me. I hope to find permenant work but i don't feel min wage will be considered a job to women. plus I'll have to work part time until i can do bankruptcy otherwise anything over $218 a week will be tooken to pay back loans. even with part time i don't know if i'll have to start paying back student loans which if i do is $200 a month and being as i'd only make $100 a month that would make me lose $100 a month so then I couldn't pay for gas to get to work and then lose the job. Though I don't much feel like the ideal of working for nothing anyways. It seems far more logical to just stay on ssi for ever, but ssi leaves no money to do stuff leading to being stuck in my room 24/7 depressing. So I want a job, i want to be off ssi, but I don't know if its even do able. Its rather shameful and degrading being on ssi listening to all those republicans hate me for not being dead.

i use to think higher of myself mind you not like a crap ton but enough to think i was good enough and deserved a nice lady, but then i got more active in dating and that's where over the past 2 years of being told i'm worthless has made me accept that i am. It doesn't matter how much i liked myself or valued my self if it was wrong. now as for my image out and about, i apparently come off as confident and nice to be around. most people at my work seem to like me, and customers will remember me after 3 months. A few even come back to my register term after term. I guess i do a good job of hiding it, that and I'm generally more happy at work. the only way people know about my low confidence or when I'm depressed is cause I tell them.
as for counseling I can't, nor can I take anxiety med. I enjoy my firearms, they bring me happiness. Shooting is fun and stress relieving , I also feel safer having them cause I'm non violent and don't know how to fight. the gov in the us though deosn't want to do a person by person ruling and would rather just take guns from anyone on meds or slightly depressed. I have no real interest in killing myself as its un do able given my belief in god, aversion to pain, fear of death, not wanting to hurt people i care about etc, I just feel like i want death sometimes cause it seems like my life is just waiting to die, in which case it seems more logical to die now then wait 40 horrible years to die. I may have tried once but i Didn't want to die, so since then i've just had to deal with wanting to die but not wanting to die. I feel death is my future and only option.
besides people of the past dealt with depression without meds and counselors. I did go to one when i was in college, he told me to get more sun. I've read depression can be part of aspergiers , so how is sun suppose to help, besides I was getting pleanty of sun back then.

thanks for thinking i'm a nice person, lots of people do. It's just a difference between nice person and worthy of being a bf. I've even had women tell me i'd be a perfect boyfriend just not to them you know, but i have a lot of the stuff the want in a bf. blah

I do support myself but not by means they find acceptable. SSI then they'd know i'm disabled and its not a job. The seasonal work cashiering, again they don't count it as a job. I understand they don't want to date a homeless bum, or someone that leachs off them, but having a job doesn't mean a person isn't homeless or a leach, I know people who have jobs but still beg money off others. also there's bums that make 100k a month begging on streets .

yeah online dating is my only option to find someone. they have such high requirements, I don't see how any guy can meet them all. Ive read a few that i wold meet 90% of their list but i lack a few of their requirements so i hide them and move on. oddly the unemployed ones tend to be more picky and want a guy that can care for them. much like most of the fat women don't want a fat guy. I'm not even that fat. I blame living in a college town. most the women are athletic with the face of ,models with really high degrees. People come from all over the nation and world to go here which complexes me cause we aren't like a Harvard level college. doesn't help that i'm also not good looking face wise, and without plastic surgery I can't fix that.

theres been a few women who liked me on the dating sites, but I don't know why I asume by accident. cause when I go read their profile they say that guys like me shouldn't message them. o.O

I know plenty of married guys without great careers.

I take it they met in person then?

I'm not even allowed to message women unless i have a job and meet their other requirements.

job is such and vague world and means different things to people. So I go off the ones I did try to contact in which it seems min wage isn't considered a job. I am far to terrified and feeling worthless to message any others now. I use to want to be proud i mean in a time where lots of people are jobless, I have kept a seasonal job. Its not great but I figured it better then no job right. BUt i was wrong.

it seems the only logical reason to require a person have a job is to make sure they have money. other wise wouldn't they say something like must be able to provide for yourself. but they say job job equals income, so it seems they really want money. ie dates to restaurants and trips. merely being able to provide for yourself doesn't mean you can pay for stuff. though clearly my case proves having a job doesn't either. I am so tired and depressed of not being good enough or needed to feel shame. I feel ashamed of having my seasonal job cause of these women. and my uncle gets praise for applying to a job after 4 years of leaching off everyone. I provide for myself, have no reason to every work and yet i'm trying my hardest to find work.

I can't meet people in person too many variables
to much anxiety and fear.
approach the wrong lady or she has a bf but there's no way to know. plus i naturally assume anyone who i meet isn't interested in me. the one time i didn't i was proven wrong. it seemed she liked me but nope just being nice. I would prefer if everyone was a mean to people they didn't like it would make stuff so much easier, hey she didn't spit in my face she must be interested in me. doesn't help people lie and say I'm good looking.
the clock is ticking and the long i go the more likely i am to be alone forever and need to die. most people my age are married or have had 10+ relationships. I've had none. I got rejected by one for lacking relationship experience.