I am dying to commit suicide right now

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In the past few weeks, I have been noticing that I am literally done with my life and I have been feeling the urges to commit suicide. I have been realizing that my life literally has got no value and I would feel that it is better that I end it than progress further with my life.

I have literally nobody in my life, and not even my parents are supportive/appreciative of who I am as an individual. To begin with, I was not parented well at the beginning of my childhood. For every little mistake that I had did, starting from the age of 4, from accidentally spilling some milk, to accidentally throwing a slipper, I would be beaten black and blue for it. From other experiences to being called as a "promise breaker is a shoemaker" to other various insults. Then my younger brother comes into the picture. As I grew older and as I aged, I carefully witnessed the treatment he was receiving when he was around my age. For every little mistake that he did, he was not beaten black and blue for it, and at that point I wondered why did my parents do that to me. Did they see me as a hindrance or something? I don't know at all.

Then there was an issue with university. My parents were literally forcing me to study at the local university here, and when I voiced my opinion, they took it as a big insult and began phoning their friends and family members, and when I got into university from abroad, my stupid dad made up a story about his father involving me and proceeded to beat me up for it than compliment me on my success for university. They were leaning more towards my younger brother because they felt that I was disabled because of my condition as an Asperger. Last but not least, driving. Everytime I would drive, I would drive confidently without any errors, my crazy old mom would lambast at me, at one point telling me that "I hope you die driving." and my brother saying that "I would never trust your driving."

To sum things all up, my parents for my whole life have always thought that I would not amount to anything, I'm stupid, I'm inexperienced, when all along they have been making me feel small and stupid my whole life than supporting me through the good times and bad.

What should I do now?

You should call someone now to talk things through.

Telephone number : 800-784-2433

don't let your parents win. they have been trying to destroy you all of your life. you have had accomplishments anyway. focus on that. here is another suicide hotline: 1-800-273-talk.

Living well is the best revenge.You have to live to do it.Please take the advice of the posters above and call someone.

Your parents were wrong and should be in jail for child abuse. This is not your fault. You can still have a life to live.

Please do make that call.

You have a long life ahead of you.

Don't think so much about the parents. They are people who raised you, and flawed like all parents are. Your life does not include parents. Its just you and then whomever else you might meet in the future. Your parents are now on the periphery and will remain there.

Okay, this situation where your parents tried to enlist family and friends to "prove" that they were right about university, your parents may have exposed themselves as unreasonable, dogmatic, etc.  And if you ask an aunt or uncle or grandparent if you can stay with them a while, you're odds may now be slightly better.  I wouldn't ask more than one or two, or maybe, maybe a maximum of three.

If I had to do it all over again, I might like to experiment with 9 semester hours and working 20 hours a week.  And I've kind of enjoyed "slumming" it as far as jobs, working in commission furniture sales, working for H&R Block, my current job as a cashier at *MegaMart.  (don't want to give my whole resume here)  Although these jobs can be as hard to get as any other job, just because of the ratio of applicants to openings.

Right now, I do not have any friends and yes, it hurts.  Other times I do.  It seems to be the zen art of undertrying and putting myself in situations with some potential.  Other people might be able to advise on this better than I can.

I want you to stay alive if for no other reason than to have one more aspie alive.

Another possibility is to see a GP.  I haven't had the best of luck with so-called mental health professionals.  Or maybe see a Unitarian minister or Methodist minister (I say this even though I'm a good agnostic!)  Or maybe an Asian health practitioner, who includes life circumstances and the mental side, and who may be less dogmatic than a Westerner.  Maybe.

I don't even know if I should really stay alive or not. This life is pretty dull and depressing.

Someone once said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Please do get help as you will begin to feel brighter and as you feel better, you will be able to see more clearly your path. You are a very precious human being and you have a great deal to give. Remember that the way you are feeling now means that you have had to be too strong for too long. Use that deep inner strength that you have to seek help.

I struggle with bouts of depression. I haven't yet tried antidepressants, but they're kind of my ace in the hole.

The upside is that it might give me the energy to try a series of social forays with reasonably light touch. But from what I've read, something like zoloft works great for some people and doesn't do a thing for others, and for antidepressants in general, often takes 4 to 8 weeks to tell! Ouch. But apparently, the way the game is played --- and won --- is to be willing to try a series of antidepressants, and even to doctor shop as necessary. And also, it's sometimes important to phase down from an antidepressant in a series of medium steps, even if the damn thing doesn't seem to be working just that your body may have gotten used to it.

And since it's all trial and error in a respectful sense anyway, I conclude it's fine to see a general practitioner like an internist. Again, I haven't had the best of luck with (so-called) mental health professionals. Other people here at WP have.

PS Your family sounds similar to mine. Although yours sounds like it might be worse.

PLEASE stay alive. There are people who care. I promise. If you kill yourself, you'll never meet them. I am so sorry that you are so filled with anguish. It can get better. I promise.

I've decided to crack the joke if he decides to live in the end. If I did it before that, it would just be too cruel.

Yea, Good for You!! And we are here for you as a resource, even with all our effing mistakes!

PS I am kind of mildly curious what the joke is, but it can't be all that funny, can it?