Oh sweetie; I just wish that I could hug you and feed you cookies and tell you everything will be alright. I am so sorry that you are hurting. I am so sad that you wish you did not exist. Sometimes, I know it would be so much easier to be neurotypical. That does not neccesarily mean better. And, to be perfectly greedy, girl, we all need you here. You help SO many people. For reals. If you ever want to stay with us [remembering that we live in a teeny tiny trailer in a nudist resort] just to take a break from life, we would love to have you here, and we could help with some [not all] of the transportation. You could take walks, eat ice cream, get to know our deer, relax by the pool, meet Jack [the nice guy who looks like Joe Montana] and I would love it if you would help me with plans for next years AutHaven, [You would have to check in as my younger sister or niece , because if you are not related there is a 3 day maximum visit time unless you join the club, which is an ungodly amount of money.]
Every single autistic person I have gotten to know IRL after first meeting them online or over the phone,I have worried that when we actually meet me that they will think "ooh, she is too weird for me to deal with." Turns out that they worried about the same thing. But is has always worked out good. So,if you want to come, you are more than welcome.