Unconscionable behavior from ex-wife

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So I recently found out my son was diagnosed with AS nine years ago.

My children are both grown-- daughter 27, son 25. My daughter mentioned that my son had been self-diagnosing since high school and mentioned this to me when I got my diagnosis. So I told her to mention to her mom that I was diagnosed the next time they spoke because I felt that she ought to get him checked out.

When my daughter brings this up, my ex casually mentions to her that my son had been diagnosed in 10th grade. What's more, she didn't think I had Asperger's because I have "too many friends," which, in and of itself, is wrong in so many ways I wouldn't know where to start.

So here I am trying to do the right thing only to find out that I've had what I would consider vital information withheld from me.

Somehow I can't think of words that express how incomprehensibly daft her behavior is. Just glad I saw fit to leave when I did.

I'm sorry your wife withheld such important information about your son, and for so many years. That kind of retrospective discovery can feel horribly angering and frustrating, because there's not much you can do about the time you were missing this info. Best you can do now is to go forward knowing what you now know.

It's also pretty asinine, if you don't mind my saying that, when anyone says someone "can't have" Asperger's because they "have too many friends," or other similar inanities they believe couldn't possibly be the case for someone on the spectrum. I'm not yet diagnosed but I'm 99% certain I'm on the spectrum, yet there is someone in my life who is being not just doubtful but downright rude and offensive in telling me I "can't be." And for similarly inane reasons too, such as that I can actually come across as social and "normal" -- yet he doesn't see what it costs me later on when I collapse at home.

Try to brush aside your ex-wife's poor choices and views, mentally within yourself, and focus now on seeing your son now from a new position in which you can understand him even better.

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My ex-husband didn't tell me that our son had been diagnosed.