THIS brought me down to my kness...

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The downside to the thread where it appears that my mother is beginning to ATLEAST tolerate my orientation has to do with my best friend.

It's been a few days since I've talked to him,and he called my cell where I wouldn't answer.I finally got tired of hearing the phone ring,so I answered:"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hello."(<is sounding irritated.)

"Hi.What's wrong?"

*snort*"Nothing.I'm fine,thanks."

"Doesn't sound like it."

This went on for about another 2 minutes until,he got tired of playing along and told me to "grow a backbone and say what's on my mind".I finally told him that I was giving up on our friendship,and that I wouldn't be talking to him or coming to see him anymore.I went on saying that he didn't accept me as I was,and that I could do better than him.I also said that he wasn't the only one,that I also gave up up on the 3 other friends.

He was quiet a moment,then said,"They gave up on you quite a while ago,before you EVER made that decision.I TOLD you that I support YOU,not what you do.I love YOU,not your SIN.I was willing to stay by your side,but if this is what you really want,then I'll go along.You piss me off,anyway."

I am still crying as we speak,and I feel horrible.

-SpaceCase

Yeah you really need real friends. Your orientation is a core thing that people
need to support you on. So while yes you should feel sad that your old friends were not supportive , you can do better! Real friends you can depend on to take
a bullet for you.

It sounds like he was treating you and hanging out with you as a duty, something he didn't necessarily want to do. No matter what he claims if he were a real friend he shouldn't give you the impression that you're a difficulty or a chore to deal with. Friends don't "put up with" each other, they accept them. If anything, it sounds like he was trying to keep his own actions as reasonable in his mind.


To grow a backbone? Irritated or not, that's not very reasonable, let alone understanding. This may be way off, but I'm going to guess that he's said similar things in the past.


Nice guilt trip, and skirting of responsibility, on his part. He's making it out to be all your fault, as if you were to "choose to make things easier," your friendship would be better. And yet he claims to love and support you. Also nice of him to not tell you about the other three. He could play this off as not wanting to upset you, but how is letting you associate with them when they "gave up on you" better than telling you the truth, and helping you deal with it, a very real possibility that HE made a choice about. He had a choice to make. Yours wasn't a choice, just a fact of life. It sounds like he wouldn't ever just let that go, either.



Loss is never easy. Rarely is it fair. I'm sorry you had to deal with things ending this roughly, but the good news (yeah... I'm going to say good news, there's always a good side to things, even if its hard to appreciate along with all of the bad) is that the hard part with these four should be over. There's no reason for you to feel guilty, so I hope that doesn't have anything to do with you feeling horrible.

I'm not saying you should (well, I'm not saying you deserve to) feel horrible. (It would honestly be more concerning if you were absolutely giddy after something like this happened. Nobody here wants you in a horrible mood, but it isn't an unnatural reaction to this kind of situation.) It will get better though, it sounds like the hardest part should be over.

you live in the bible belt, don't you?

It gets better the farther north you go. It won't always be like this for you.

anyone who says that stuff to you doesn't deserve to be your friend.

(hugs)

I agree with alex on this one. Any person that treats you like that - dirt, in any sense - should be considered no friend of yours. Lift your head up high, ignore the people who would try to subjugate you, put on some of your favourite music and chill out. You will fight another day. There are places more tolerant than where you live, trust me on this. Not everywhere has Bible-bashing nutcases as the majority. Lift your head up high, grit your teeth and move on forward.

You shoul move out of the Bible Belt, as soon as you graduate form High School, if you can. That way, you could find friends who are accepting, and you'd be able to start a new lif for yourself.

Hi Spacecase,
I read this post and thought you were refering to your sexual orientation, then I read one
of your other threads and realised you were for sure. Your situation is appauling and the
people responsible should be held accountable. However in this world their attack on your
self worth is some how considered acceptable.

When you go to bed tonight although it is really hard to do forgive them unconditionally, only because
the state of mind will benefit you more not because you care if it will help them. Then when you
have done that you just sit and love yourself unconditionally. Then you love yourself unconditionally
just a little bit more. Embrase everything you are and long to be. Then it will happen.

Move away from this destructive environment, there would be no higher price you could pay
then your self worth. Things can only travel in one direction at a time, always make sure
you are moving forward even if those around you are not.

Just because others are ignoring your reality, you don't have to. There will be a beautiful
women just around the corner soon and she will treat you with the respect and honesty
you deserve. Your sexuality will be something you share exclusively with her and it will
be special and private to the two of you. I don't understand how everyone else can assume
to make it their business too. This fact disturbs me as well.
I have not met many of these types of people in Australia, move here
Be true to yourself

Chris, just an aussie bloke.

He's misguided, unfortunately.
I understand how you feel about this, and attitudes like his can be really hurtful.
What's sad is that people think they have your best interests at heart when they say crap like that, that they're "saving" you and all that BS.
If there's one thing that everyone knows but wants to deny for the sake of their comfort, it's that real friends are hard to find, not just for aspies, but NTs as well.
Admittedly, the fact that you've given up on all those you once considered your friends is kind of sad, leaving you largely alone and in the dark. It's going to be very hard to find others who accept you, and even harder to find those few people who are willing to support your life decisions. But who knows... it's possible that one of these days you'll meet someone who will.

People are so unfair in this world, you know? NT, Religious, whatever, it doesn't give people the right to put others down. Many humans, especially around where you are, feel that they have the divine duty to insult and smack down anyone whose beliefs differ from their own. I'm fortunate enough to live in an area where no one cares; my friends are all very openly sexual, and their orientations (especially the women) are questionable at times. Heck, I've even got questionable sexuality, and I'm usually considered a fairly upright and "righteous" (by Catholic standards) person by my more religious aquaintances.

Don't forget that there are others out there who are ready and willing to talk to you. I'm sure you know it already (you've been here a good while, right?), but it's always nice to hear someone say it now and then. And now I've said my piece, take it or leave it.

I agree with Alex. You should probably a) find new friends (this person doesn't deserve you as a friend) and b) thake the earliest opportunity to get the hell out of dodge.

I posted some links to gay resources in Mississippi. It looks like only the universities have Gay/Straight student alliances. I don't know if they'd let you participate - it's worth finding out. We have Gay/Straight student alliance groups in Salt Lake City for highschool students, though it can no longer be a campus activity as of a few years ago. We also have a gay community center here and I know that some teen groups hang out there. Those might be good places for you to make some more supportive friends - it's at least worth calling these places and asking them if they have activities for people your age.

http://www.gaymississippi.org/

http://www.equalityms.org/index.php

Maybe he thinks he's supporting you, but he's not. I agree with the others - you need friends who actually do support you. Maybe later he'll reconsider, and start accepting you, but there's no reason for you to deal with his lack of support.

What he said,that bastard...

This sounds like a strange statement. I can follow everything before the "piss me off" comment. That's not nice at all. Is it possible that it was meant in jest?

It is important to understand that tolerance does not mean the same thing as endorsement. One cannot expect another person to simply endorse something they view as immoral. However, tolerating it is another thing all together. I think it's important in a society such as ours that we cannot expect everyone to endorse everyone else's behavior. A religious person who thinks it is immoral to be a homosexual should no more be expected to endorse homosexuality then a Jew should endorse Christianity. Furthermore some of the discussions about homosexuality go beyond religious discussions (I don't want to start a debate though).

I hope you can reconcile your friendship. If this person said what you have indicated I hope he comes forward and indicates his error in judgment.

Maybe he wanted to be more that a friend to you.

Meh...I honestly don't care if people want to do it with a doorhandle so long as the handle consents and I don't have to watch.

Here is what I have to say:first he lost out, second a loser like him should get his a** kicked, third if i were you i would forget about him and move on, and third all boys/men can be jacka*****. if you don't believe me ask my father who abandoned my mother when she was pregnant with me. If there is one thing I know is you can definetly do better that him and those other creeps. Besides the way it sounds is that he is veryyyyyyyyyyyy shallow and inconsiderate. Good luck on finding new friends got 2 go now bye.