mark2410 wrote:
i dont come by here often but i rather feel the need to vent somewhere.
right now i feel tense and stressed and frustrated and exhausted and week and angry and i dont know what else. im frustrated with the civil service being a bunch of useless morons but more im annoyed that i have te deal with them. im fed up of being essentiolly a ward of the state. i havent had a job in years and while thins is notionaly excused by semi illness and many years of officially being in higher education i still hate that im reliant on the good will of the taxpayer. its embarasing that this is my life, that while having a genius level iq i am essentially academically useless. the time ive pissed away doing stupid things and not coping has meant that i pretty much see myself as unemployable. i know i certainly wouldnt hire me. even then, hire for what? i have no sodding idea what i would like to do as essentially anything thing i think i would actually enjoy ive long ago made an impossibility.
so here i am. sat on a staurday by myself. everyone else seems to be off out, living life at one of the bunch of events on today id like to be at but im not. i dont go to much or see hardly any "friends" any more. people i once socialised with but that now we have grown apart. life and activites cost money, money i dont have so i dont go to things, while for a lonng time invites to things used to come but now not se much because i only end up saying no. i find my existance embarasing. that meeting up with people you havung seen in a year. "ahh how are you, oh good, what are you up to now etc etc" you responce is what? oh my life is as empty as can ppossibly be. i dont go out, i dont see any one you know, id like to, but well everone else has a job during the week and at the weekend want to do things that cost money.
so here i sit. feeling whiney and sorry for myself and venting here. saynig things i cant say to friends. knowing that from here on out that my "friends" and i are set on differing paths with little i can do about it. i dont begrudge them sucsesses but still i cant deny that everyone nudges the gulf between us further appart and i dont want to be that person bitter that their friend sucess but deep down i am. argh!! !
I feel the same bro. I'm 32, working, but lost touch with practically all friends and acquaintances I ever had (yeah.. all 3 of them) I spend almost all my weekends completely alone. I went to college but the best I could find was work was construction. I work about 50 hours a week and after all expenses I have nothing left to go anywhere or do anything fun. I live in one of America's worst neighborhoods... I don't know how to talk to people face to face and it has cost me a lot of business and social opportunities.. I feel I am just getting older and wasting a life. At some point in life I think the best option is to withdraw from everything you've known (except maybe some relatives) and just start from fresh somewhere new... doesn't even matter if you spend a few days in a homeless shelter... the system will get you out and give you rent assistance because it costs them a lot less than placing someone in a homeless shelter and feeder, bathing, clothing, and paying all the staff to watch them.
If your life is not currently bad enough for you to want to do that, then maybe you could work on your situation where you're at now. It's never easy to push yourself out of your comfort zone but it is the only way to move forward sometimes... apply for jobs... go to interviews... even if you don't get those jobs or you choose not to accept the job (make up a technicality like not high enough pay) you still will gain more experience with each application you fill and each interview you go to. Eventually you will find a job that pays more than what you're getting now and it will be worth it. Being forced to get out 5 days a week and communicate will people can do a whole world of good.
28 Jun 2014, 5:53 am
