I'm really scared

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I'm the only one with a steady income in my family. My younger brother who has undiagnosed autism has been staying with me for free for the past year - his financial aid was delayed for a long time. I recently learned he hasn't been very open with me about his money, and found out two days ago that it was stolen a week ago by our Mom (she has his account information).

I feel really betrayed and now I don't trust him, and now he's staying with me even longer and he's not telling me anything about his future plans. I'm really tired of initiating these conversations, and even when I do, he doesn't listen to me. And now my Dad moved in with me too, because he can't afford a place.

I have a tiny, sh***y apartment and I'm dealing with my own depression. I feel on edge - like one more drastic thing and I will go crazy. I keep having violent daydreams, and I dream about killing myself. I don't know what to do. I feel like such a bad person for being angry with my younger brother and lashing out at him, but I'm really, really stressed, and he doesn't help by shutting down whenever I ask him about the money situation. While we're both autistic, he has poor communication skills.

I feel like since we're both on the spectrum, we should be on the same page, but we're not.

I want to die. I can't imagine things being better, I can't imagine anything beyond this. I'm a bad person, I should die.

You're not a bad person, you're just under a lot of pressure.

When you feel trapped in a situation, it's hard to imagine you ever getting out of it, that's what makes you feel trapped. But all things in life are transient, things change, for the better and for the worse. Try to ride with the experience, see that it changes. Maybe there is a pause where you don't worry, and then you go back to worrying again. It's not an all-encompassing constant state of worry (of fear), it fluctuates. If you can see the changes that happen during the day, you can understand that things aren't always going to be like this.

There can be growth, coming out of a tough situation like this. But you have to go through it first.

Maybe you can help your brother find his own apartment and get a job so he can move out?

I've tried to talk to my brother, but he has his own plans, and I'm really tired of having to start that conversation - I've asked him to e-mail me, but he never responds quickly and it just makes me angry. And I have a feeling that even he moves out, he'll realize how hard it is and need to come back here again.

I don't know how much longer I can do this. I can't do this.

I'm really scared. It's all so confusing and I can't be patient anymore, I just want to die.

No, you don't want to die. Even if your family won't move out, just try to think of it as spending more time with your family (even if it does seem a tad annoying) and run with it. This might be hard at first, but maybe if you are enjoying the time you spend with them and they notice a difference in you, they might feel more loved or whatever and maybe they will (hopefully?) appreciate your kindness greatly enough to either compensate you for boarding them or spread their wings and fly, so to speak.

Anyway, good luck!

No, I don't enjoy spending time with my family. Right now, they're a burden. I can barely take care of myself, much less my brother (who has poor social skills, literally no job skills, and still hasn't signed up for classes). He's not being open with me, and I just need to see that he's taking care of himself, but even then, since he lied to me about his financial aid before, I don't trust him.

I can't do this now. Some days I want to cry at the thought of even getting up and getting something to eat. I really don't want to do anything. It all feels so hopeless, like I'll always be stuck here and have to take care of my younger brother.

And I feel so horrible for feeling that way, because I wish someone was there to help me when I was younger and didn't even know I had Asperger's.

I want to freak out over basic tasks. I don't even want to do anything fun. I can't do this, and I can't talk to my family about it, because they can't support me. I'm really scared I'm going to hurt someone or myself.

I'm f*****g tired.

Find a different sh***y apartment, and leave the dregs of society behind. C-ptsd, or ptsd sucks! There is no question in my mind that others make you that way. You will feel better when you get the people in your life away from you that make you feel that way. I have been doing that. It is difficult. Sometimes people make it difficult. Especially when you are a part of their supply. I have felt that way too. If you can make a life for yourself, there is no reason why you should have to put up with people that give you bad thoughts, dreams, steal, lie, and make you feel like you are going to kill yourself. I am sorry I cannot say many things to smooth over your situation, or coat it with butter, and sugary sprinkles. And I am sorry for being me. It is just a suggestion.

Sometimes I like to google the interpretations of my dreams. Your dreams may help you understand what you are going through, what you need to do, and what may eventually happen. Everything is subject to change of course. Things that may not surface for you in your conscious mind, may be in your dreams. the subconscious is a very intelligent, and powerful part of yourself. Just another suggestion. Maybe a stupid one, but it helps me. If everyone around you is making your life difficult, if you do this, at least you will have someone to agree with... Yourself.

Dreams of suicide generally mean you need to escape from your waking life. It can also be a sign of change, or transformation.

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you...but I find it admirable that you take care of your dad and brother (mother too I assume?).

You mentioned your dad cannot afford his own place.... is he employed? If he is, perhaps you could help him find somewhere that he can afford. Could your brother apply for social security disability? I'm thinking his disability checks plus your dad's income (if employed) would definitely allow them to afford a small place of their own.

It's one thing to take care of family when hard times come by but its another thing when you get used to support them...meaning they don't even try to improve/help themselves out of the situation and instead become parasitical on your income/home/life.

My Dad has a job but he can't afford a place right now. My mother is out of the picture (I don't talk to her, she's very manipulative and has messed up all of our finances) and my brother isn't diagnosed with autism, so I don't think he can get Social Security. I've been trying to talk to him about all of this, but he always shuts down, and it just makes me mad. I'm tempted to just tell him he needs to be out by a certain date and just leave him be, because he never seems to want my help.

I can't talk to him. I can't even do it via e-mail (which is how we've been communicating). I just want to cry and smash things and yell, but I don't want to scare them.

And my brother hates my Dad, so they won't live together. It ended very badly for them last time.

I'm so f*****g done.

Since your brother hates your dad and your dad is now living with the two of you, maybe that will get your brother out of there? I don't know if there's a way to give him a time limit to move out but if it passes and he doesn't go, what could you do? Call the police and have them remove him? Would you be willing to do that?

Does he have health care? Can he get a diagnosis? That would take time, though, and in the meantime you'd still be supporting him. Do you know any agencies connected with your own diagnosis that can do some kind of crisis intervention -- maybe get him emergency shelter?

It's not your brother's fault that your mom stole his money, but it is his fault, since it appears he was living with you for 50 weeks before that happened, that he never kicked in anything for expenses. Was he using any of it to buy stuff for himself? If you saw that, you didn't realize that he must have money somewhere?

Also, if your dad has a job, it may not be enough for him to get an apartment on his own, but he should be giving you something towards living expenses. Is he?

I don't really have the energy to even discuss this with my family. I e-mailed my Dad saying he has 30 days to get out, and I've been e-mailing my brother, but now he's not checking his e-mail and his mind seems set on a different path. I told him that I need constant update from him, but he hasn't told me anything without me asking, and I'm so tired of asking. I've been thinking of giving him a time limit to get out, and then just be quiet, but I don't even have the energy to do that. I don't want to call the police either.

My brother doesn't have healthcare at the moment, and I'd rather him not go to an emergency shelter. He was in a homeless shelter before and it was a bad environment for him, and I know he'll hate me for that.

He hasn't had any of his own money this past year - he wasn't buying stuff for himself. He doesn't have money hidden somewhere - he has no job and only leaves the house for church. His friend sometimes gives him money, but it's not a lot.

I don't know what I want - I want them gone, but I know once that happens, there's always the risk of them coming back (my Dad was here for three months before, left, and is now back again) and even if I was finally on my own, then I'd have to deal with me. I was already depressed before and now it's just getting worse where I'm on the verge of tears everyday, and any small thing can set me off.

I just want to give up. Nothing's going to help - not them leaving, not money, I'm always going to feel like a piece of s**t and I'm always going to be sad. This has been the worst year of my life. I never thought about suicide this much.

I'm not sure what to do. One moment I think I'll be fine, but then the next I want to punch a wall or stab something.

I just had a bout like that a couple months ago. Your sanity is important. Sounds like your bro is going through alot too. Mabe talk to social services about him and your perdickerment. You both need help, or support from someone. Screw everyone else. Just a suggestion. I hope things get better for you.

Have you considered talking with your psychologist (or talk to one if you have none) about what services/gov assist you could get for your brother? Or maybe a lawyer (I'd guess you could ask them for free or at least have them point you to the right person or gov. agency that can answer your questions).

I'm agnostic but I acknowledge most local churches are repositories of contact information and know-how for the many local, gov, non-profit and other organizations that help people out... you could go and ask a pastor about what entities could help your brother.

I am confused why do you feel betrayed and not trust him, when your mother stole his money?....I am thinking maybe she's in the wrong there, it might be a good idea for your brother to report her for it, or if he wont do that maybe changing his account information so she doesn't have access to it. Also, being hes autistic its not really a shock that he has poor communication skills...as hard as it is lashing out at him for things he likely isnt in control of like poor communication skills and shutting down when overwhelmed by talk of the money situation...but you should be clear about what you are expecting exactly. If you require rent for family members to live with you tell them, if you can't have them living with you tell them. It might not be a bad idea to look into therapy so maybe you could have a therapist to talk to and help you come up with better coping stratagies or ideas of how to manage the stress rather than lashing out.

I don't think you're a bad person though.

No way! Your making your way in life and your Dad and Brother are living off you. They should be doing all they can to find work and get on their own etc. If they are not they are taking advantage of the situation. Anyone would start having crazy thoughts in that situation.

So... I suggest you lay down the law. Find work in X amount of time and be out of my apartment by X or you will have to leave and find somewhere else to stay. Many people won't move till pushed, if not shoved.

Again, there's nothing wrong with feeling bad in this situation. But it is not your doing and you must take the steps to protect your sanity/life. I wish you the best with it.

Thank you guys. I still feel really sh***y about the whole situation but I'm working through it and will hopefully come up with a solution. I just need to not talk to them for a few more days.

In the meantime I've decided I need my Dad out by the 1st, and I let him know that.

Sweetleaf, the reason I feel betrayed is because I have told my brother before to be more open about what's going on with his financial aid, and he wasn't. He didn't tell me the money was stolen until a week after it happened, and that's only because I pressed him about it. Every conversation about financial aid has started with me asking about it, instead of him telling me about it. And there's a lot of other stuff behind my feeling as well - in the beginning he was supposed to move into this apartment with me and help pay my rent, but at the last minute he changed his mind and gave that money to our Mom.

Of course I'm angry at my Mom, but I expect her to do this kind of stuff, and I warned him that she was manipulative, and he trusted her anyway. I forgive him for that, because I acted the same way with my Mom and she took money from me for a very long time.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do. I told my therapist about it and she said there's basically two options. Let him live with me and find a way to communicate better and set better boundaries, or have him leave by a certain date. I'm not sure which one I should go with.

I feel like if I let him stay with me, he's not going to respect those boundaries (even if I repeat them multiple times so that he really 'gets' it). If he stays, I need him to tell me if Mom contacted him, I need him to get a job and help pay for the rent, and I need him to tell me about his financial aid - when it's coming in, and if the school contacts him about it.

But if I tell him to leave, even though by then he'll have his financial aid, I feel like he's going to realize how difficult it is living on his own and need to stay with me again. Or, he'll be too scared to come to me and end up in an unsafe environment.

Then again, I can't control the fact that he might be scared to come to me again. That ultimately is his choice.

But if he stays....I know it's going to take a toll on me. It already has for the past year - him getting a job and making money might make things easier on me, but honestly, I don't know if it will. Right now, at this moment, I don't want to even look at him. I'm just really hurt.

They no longer feel like family to me, and since my Mom is out of my life, it really feels like I have no one. I have one or two really good friends who know about the situation, and my therapist is there to help, but I really feel alone right now.