Mood Swings

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I've been depressed for a year. I haven't been diagnosed. For a long time I've procrastinated seeing a shrink. But here's the thing, I only feel depressed some of the time. It can last for minutes or hours or days. It can have waves within waves. There can be weeks in which I'm depressed most of the time or happy most of the time.

As is common for depression I get the usual problems with low self esteem. I don't know if low self esteem is caused by depression or the cause of depression. I don't know if any of my theories about my self are accurate because I could be biased.

Most of the time, these low mood swings are triggered by something. I could see something or read something or just think something and it happens.

I know I should probably see a shrink. It's just that when I'm about too I start to feel happier so I don't. My referal is for a psychologist. Not any particular psychologist. Just any of them. I feel overwhelmed just trying to choose one.

I don't even know if I'm really depressed or just excessively sad some of the time. I don't know if I'm really depressed or just reacting to things I see. Someone with a cool job. A couple walking down the street. Attack of the green eyed monster. I don't know if I'm really depressed or just petty.

But sometimes I can feel it. Literally. It's like an physical sensation.

Even when I'm happy I don't feel like I have much of a future. It's just when I'm happy I don't mind as much that I don't have much of a future. Either way I feel like it's unlikely I can make something of myself and the confusing thing is I'm not sure whether I want to make something of myself. That could just be swapping one kind of stress for another. Out of the frying pan, into the fire. Still, it's stressful when you feel like buridan's ass.

The most annoying this is, not only having problems but not really understanding the problems. Not really understanding myself. It's frustrating. In the last few weeks I've felt a bit better on average and I wonder if I should still see a shrink. I almost feel like if I see one and I'm not sad enough he'll say "you're too happy to be depressed". Sort of like if I don't see him on a bad day I'll be misdiagnosed.

I'm sorry you are feeling like that.

It would really probably help to go and see someone.

I mean personally it makes me pretty nervous when I go to see someone but it tends to help. Even if its a good day they can give you ideas on how to help on the bad days.

Just decided if you want a girl or guy to help you then pick one randomly and if you don't like them don't go back.

I went through like 5 therapists before I found one that I thought helps.

Well Thats my opinion. If you would like to talk let me know. I am pretty good at listening even though I don't always have the right words.

Wow, I really identify with some of what you've said. I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for about 15 years. He's the best. He listens and offers empathy. He doesn't offer too many suggestions. That can be annoying, I think. He just lets me talk and helps me figure myself out. I have seen therapists and have never liked it or gotten anything out of it. Since they are not true MD's, its like they have to prove how clever they are to you. With therapists, I found myself feeling like I was being talked down to. Also the therapists I've seen talk too much. They'll give all kinds of suggestions that you've already considered yourself and rarely something new. Sorry to seem so negative, but this has just been my experience. I'm sure there are great ones out there, but I haven't met them. Most of the psychiatrists I've seen are pretty helpful.

I have mood swings too. It's part of my diagnosis. I'd say if you feel like you have a mood disorder, then you probably do, and will benefit from seeing a psychiatrist. If you're open to taking medication, then you'll already be in the right office. And like Layla93 said, if you don't like the first one, don't waste time going back. Find someone else.

Sorry for going on and on. I'm a good listener too. So if you want to post more or PM me, I'll actually read everything and think about what you have to say before I reply.