Happy Birthday to Me

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So I gave myself a nice slash across my wrist today in honour of my birthday. Which I celebrate by wondering why the f**k I had to be conceived in the first place.
I hate my birthday, it provokes me to think of what a total waste of time and energy my living is. Took a bunch of pills too, but not enough to die, just enough to sedate me.
I cannot express my hatred and disdain for myself as there are not words. I just so much want to not exist.

I read your post expecting this to be just another birthday thread. That?s simply horrible. I wish I could help you somehow.

I've done this too, for the same reasons.
I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm sorry.I feel pretty bad right now also.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Ann.

Ann, I pm'ed my number if you want to call me. I love you.

You think of the odds against being conceived and that I was. It's like there has to be a God, because I can't be this unlucky.


Sorry to hear that. What's going on that's bad?


Thank you kraftie.


K. Thanks vicky. *hugs*

Tomorrow is the inspection/re-inspection. I don't know what to expect from that and I've given up caring. Frankly I think these people are a little out of control. I pay my rent and I don't attract vermin, so I don't know why they are giving me a hard time. But I am fed up with it. I have decided that regardless of what they say and that my mother is leaving, I am going to try to stay in my apartment. It's the first place I've lived that's felt like home (well, since my grandparent's farm, but that was a long time ago.) So I've decided to take in a lodger. This is a wild card, but I'm going to play it and see what's dealt.

My favorite pet just died,I keep wanting to go in to look at her,then realize she's gone and break down in tears.She was the companion I always held when I felt bad,tomorrow I will get up and she won't be waiting for me to give her breakfast.

Aww. So sorry. It's so hard to lose a pet. *hugs*

Ann, I am grateful you are here. I've seen you offer support and encouragement to others. Thank you. I am sorry life sucks so bad for so many of us, but having people like you around makes it a little better.

And Misslizard, condolences on your loss. take care

Hi Ann,

I wish you could go all James Joyce and write a stream-of-consciousness classic.

Are they inspecting your mother's apartment?

You have lots of good things about you. I like you and many WPers like you.

I have sent you a PM. Maybe I can help.

I'm sorry that you feel this way about yourself.

I have sent you a PM. Maybe I can help.

I'm sorry that you feel this way about yourself.

Ann, I'm in a group that meets once a week to go through a Julia Cameron book. Maybe you should try something like that. I personally think Cameron is kind of goofy, but the book does offer lots of structure and introspection and it trains you stop thinking that You Can't do anything. Also, I have a really difficult time with groups of people, but in this kind of group, unless you are totally obnoxious people will be nice and accepting of you. I'm not getting all crazy and expecting to make life long friends, just enjoying it for what it is. If you go to Julia Cameron's website you can look for a group, or just google something like that in your city (or use Meetup).

i can only offer *hugs*

Thanks


Mom and I share an apartment, but Mom is moving into a senior's building (because she can't cope with me.) This means I have to move to a smaller unit. I had found one and filled out the transfer papers, but it turns out we had failed an inspection back in the winter (when I was dog walking and had no time or energy to look after the place.) So the property manager is reinspecting us this morning (supposedly - he has a habit of not showing up.)


Yeah I have to work on my self respect, but it's hard sometimes.



Yes, I've seen her books. I will give them a browse. Thanks.


*hugs*