Mom lies

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For the last...... life. Wait a minute, let me start over.

My mom is a horrible lying wench. Getting attention any way she can. I have been having a very difficult time the last year and a half. When she is around, I feel worse. (almost suicidal). Denies the things that she has wronged on me. Turnes things around to suit her needs, and makes things up that are not true. I get feelings I do not like when she touches me. This morning she was crying because of the way I treat her, and giving me the whole love obligation speech. The whole I'm your mother, and I deserve stuff. I just want, yadda yadda. Her cries are usually fake, and she doesn't have the capacity to feel love. It is a game tool. She reels me in, and kicks me where it hurts. Totally narcissistic. Her idea of advice is telling me what to do, and neglecting me. She likes to cook, and feed me?

My dad (codependant) stuck in the middle. He is all about the why can't you just get along speech. Forgive and forget.

I cannot forget, I don't know how. When I forgive, it is just an in for more bouts of abuse. There is no meeting her in the middle.

We were supposed to go to a family reunion tomarrow. I can't. After what she said today, I think it would be best for me to disown her intirely. I don't want to talk to her anymore, and my father is a very bad mediator. I really don't know how to feel, or what to do right now. I am just stewing. Frustrated. cannot think straight. Usually I just work when I have difficulties. I don't feel like it.

Just a rant. I don't know how advice works for something like this. I literally feel like I am at the edge of a cliff, looking over, wondering. I have not felt like this in a long time. I am running out of fight.

So stop fighting her. From what you write, she may be feeding off you, possibly even provoking you intentionally?

It sometimes helps if I can take my focus off how someone has wronged me and try to get a bit selfish in dealing with someone who is dishonest or selfish. So here, I would try to think about what's best for you? Do you want to go and do you want to be there? Your mother may not put your needs and wishes first, but you still can. If you want to go, go. Be pleasant to others, and don't refer to anything negative she has done.

With my mother, I get very embarrassed and ashamed when she mistreats me or acts like I am toxic to others, but I've realized on the rare occasions I do go to a family function, people are quite kind to me so long as I don't refer to her behavior directly.

Other people may not confront your mother, may not obviously object when she is rude to others or selfish. But mostly they probably know. It's just, maybe they don't see any point wasting energy fighting someone really difficult.

Good advice thanks. What goes on never ends though. If something doesn't work, she tries something else. It seems like she never runs out of ammo. She gets all devious and makes more drama.

She is very intrusive. Very nice to people she doesn't see very often, and strangers. She fools them very well. Last night she talked to my neighbor, and said she was going to make her a quilt? My neighbor said she was soo nice. I get that alot from people who don't know her very well. I don't even know where that reunion is either. I don't get invited to those things. I have to hear it from someone.

Some of my family knows she is nutz.

Your mom sounds like my mom. She was seriously crazy. I am certain she is a sociopath/narcissist. She would lie constantly, make up stories about her life that never happened for attention, and it was very obvious once I got older because her stories would contradict. She pretended to have dozens (no exaggeration) of mental illnesses, changing them every so often, so she could stay on disability and not work, and make my grandma take care of her. She was a horrible, selfish, abusive person.

I guess I am telling you this so you know there is someone who had a similar situation. And I survived it. I have not spoken to her in over two years, and hopefully I will never have to again. People like this are toxic, emotional vampires who feed off of you and are only happy when you are not, and when there is drama centered on themselves. I do not think it is possible to co-exist healthily with them. It is your choice whether to have her in your life or not, especially if you are an adult. I would recommend the book Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb, it is about being a child of a narcissist and how to deal with it.

Nice to hear about this stuff, and get advice from people other than my family. Thank you. I think I have delt with her really well. Most of the time I just had to put up with it, and deal with it the best I could. It doesn't really change, or get better, unless I am better off. Sometimes I wonder if abuse made me the way that I am. Ut ooh. My dad is here to have a talk with me? Gotta go.

That went well? After 50 years of marriage, my father is completely oblivious. He doesn't even know what a narcissist, or a sociopath is? He is not very smart. I think he doesn't want to be. I made him read about it, and he said it makes sence? How could you be married to someone for 50+ years, and not know your wife is a manipulative person, abusive person??? When I told him all these years about the abuse she gave me behind close doors, he apparently thought I was lying, because he always chose to believe my mother. WTF?. He actually has been thinking that my mother is a victim. All those things I broke down and told him long ago, was for nothing. He was the mediator, and the truth lost. Unbelievable!

I have had to learn soo much about myself, and others in order to try and keep myself from going nutz that explaining things to him was much easier now, and made more sence. He may understand now, I don't know. You cannot change people, and they believe whatever they want. Sometimes even when they know it is not true. I told him to stop being the mediator, and stop trying to make things o.k. between mom and I, because it is what she wants. It is a trap. A never ending viscous circle. He came over to try and smooth things over, now he understands that it cannot be done, and he should not try. It may take a long time for me to actually want to talk to her. It may never happen, I don't know. If I ever see her again, I am going to make boundaries she better not croos. If she continues, I will be out of her narcissistic supply forever.

Some of this is rings too true for me. My mother isn't directly horrible, but she deliberately provokes me almost everytime I see her. She covers it up with, "Oh, well whatever I say, you disagree with" or, "I'm sorry, I didn't realise", or "But it wasn't a proper no".

I can't love her. I just can't. I can't respect her, and I can't believe her. I don't trust her at all. She is intrusive also. She explains my whole private life to people and exaggerates it. She will take my reactions to her constant nagging and blag about it to everyone that I'm the one who's being out of order. She will take everyday things I do and will turn it into a symptom of AS or OCD. She will bring up the same topics that push my buttons, everytime, and try and mould me to what SHE wants me to be. She doesn't want me to be independent, she feeds off me. She tells everyone that she cares for her disabled child. She treats me as such. She does not treat me like a person. She is a selfish, manipulative b!tch, and always victimises herself. She loves it, and she dwells on it. I feel trapped, and I'm trying to big myself up to get out...again. I'd suggest you do the same.

Ooh, I'm already out. I have a house of my own. I believe that family is important. I try to stick with it. It is not working. It rarely does. Alot of my family is nutz.

I think the fact that I shut down alot when I was a kid made me an easy target. My meltdowns gave an easy finger to point. These things gave me more abuse above and beyond the regular arguements she gave to others. I feel like she chose me for alot of the bad stuff.

Glad you are out. Why on Earth are you still hanging around them?

Out of my sister and I, *I'm* the one who gets blamed for bad behaviour too. Nobody dares speak up when my sister is nasty. I do, however.

When you grow up in a dysfunctional family, sometimes you may think that is all there is. I guess I just go to the wrong people for support. It has not been too much different in my particular work environment either. In my life, I have been surrounded by liars, and criminals. I am soo used to it, I should be a politician. When you ask the question of why, I would be better asked if the answerer had more options.

She sounds really passive aggressive.When I think of a toxic mom I'm reminded of Livia from the Sopranos.

To dream that you are having a nightmare suggests that you are being overly indulgent and living a life of excess. You need to tone it down and allow the mind and body to rest and heal. Alternatively, the dream may mean that you are experiencing a setback toward your goals. You need to learn to take a negative and turn it into a positive.