disagreeing with someone is lecturing and judgemental?

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how?

It's not. That's just the sort of things that the more socially- or emotionally-oriented people assume you are trying to do because the concept of rational discussion with friendly disagreement is relatively foreign to them. They prioritize social harmony and emotional equanimity to such an extent that they are paranoid that even the most benign disagreement will disrupt it. They also don't know that other people don't think like them and tend to assume that disagreement is meant to hurt them, i.e. it is socially or emotionally motivated.

In the language of the Myer's Brigg personality system: Feelers vs. Thinkers

I read something recently discussing how people tend to modify their opinions to fit what the majority believes. This struck me as odd as I find more and more, I am unwilling to conform just to get along with people. I'll happily change my views if someone can provide a solid argument as to why I'm wrong, but the best I'll do is keep my trap shut when I strongly disagree with a group and the group has no good argument in its favor.

Last week I found myself in a rather tense debate because I objected to a rather vague term that a friend was using. To be honest I didn't quite know how to articulate what bothered me at the time. I later realized it was the lack of a clear definition to the term that made me feel that the term communicated too little information to be of value. But I felt like I was seen as objecting to the idea itself. I actually agreed with my friend on the specifics of the issue, but felt the words she used only served to confuse rather than clarify the problem.

I seem to be getting into this sort of argument more and more as I get older. I tend to think pretty deeply about issues and I try to be clear and accurate in my statements. I feel many people are content to make statements that sound like they mean something, but when you examine them, actually communicate very little.

But to your point, i think I understand what you are referring to... I enjoy debating issues as it helps to clarify my position and expose errors in my point of view. But I get the impression that when I debate a point, people assume I am attacking them and get defensive. Actually I frequently debate against my own position simply because I'm trying to find if there are errors that I need to address. Or else I try to push for a more nuanced perspective on an issue and because I don't seem to take one side or another, I feel I am regarded as the enemy.

I refuse to accept a point of view I do not actually believe in. I will listen to good arguments and I will consider many possible points of view, but if they don't convince me then I will not change my mind. Yet I get the impression that many people believe that a person should agree to get along with others and if they don't they are some sort of bad guy. I sometimes feel like I am talking to people who think that if an idea makes them FEEL good, then the idea is right and everyone should adopt it.

A lot of people like to mischaracterize the tone of their opponents arguments in an attempt to damage their credibility or to gain the sympathy of the audience; it's a form of the straw man fallacy, and very common online. I argue regularly with someone in L&D who no matter how dry and rational a statement I make, invariably says something to the effect of 'calm down, I won't argue with you while you're angry', which is her way of brushing off arguments she can't or wont address. I suspect you're dealing with a similar person.

I don't think so, but that's how people have always reacted to it. I stopped disagreeing with people in person a long time ago because I was afraid of how they'd react. I just can't handle confrontation. When they question me in response, I can lose all confidence and understanding of my position, and that pathetic, helpless feeling just eats me alive. My senses betray me to the point that I can't engage in a serious argument or debate, at least not face to face. I'll simply pretend to agree with people, or stop reacting until they stop talking.

If you are respectful, it's not.

It is annoying when people interpret a difference in opinion (no matter how minor the matter is) as an attack on them,(eg that person doesn't like football and I do therefore they must not like me) .
Also it is annoying when people take the "if you don't share my opinion on everything, you must be stupid or a bad person" line of thinking.

I have also been told disagreeing is arguing and being a bigot.

Well argue does mean to disagree so I guess they are right. Same as for being bigot since it literally means not open to new ideas and opinions. But that means everyone is a bigot just like how everyone is judgmental or rude or selfish.

I also tend to just listen than speak my mind if the topic is controversial or when the person is in a vulnerable state where they are very upset. Never disagree with someone who is upset or going through lot of stress because the tend to see things in black and white and anyone who disagrees or doesn't share their view or see it their way is against them.

I remember at work when a co worker made a judgmental comment about our former co worker to a new worker there and it made me uncomfortable but I kept my mouth shut. But it made me not want to share my personal life with her or talk about the rough spot my husband and I were in and I was glad she didn't speak English very well because I didn't have to worry about her trying to talk to me and ask about my life so that meant I didn't have to stress about what not to tell her and to avoid talking.

I also can't disagree with my mother much or else she cuts me off and gets mad at me and thinks I am being argumentative. Then I beat myself up inside me for not speaking my mind and for being so weak. I feel I am not being honest with her.

To some nutcases, it's considered bullying as well. People with a victim complex can turn anything into something bad. Ignore them, seriously.

I googled. but can't find any "I support misogyny " or "I support rape culture" banners

:'(

I figure since apparently I'm a monster who supports those I might as well get banners for me and the rest of those like me to rally under. :'(

actually despite how some make it out, there doesn't seem to be any pro those things images

Tired of living if I'm such a monster. seems I get attacked and accused more even though I don't do or think those things are ok, then the people who actually do them. the people who seem to do them have no remorse, yet I left feeling terrible and depressed for something I didn't do, but apparently is my fault for being born male.

It's easy for people to misinterpret one another, especially online. For what it's worth, I think you're a decent person.

The trick is to learn to identify morons, and then disregard their opinions; as a gun toting libertarian living in one of the most liberal cities in the country, I would have gone crazy long ago had I not figured that one out. Hint: most people are morons.

Read some Larry Correia, it'll make you fell better:

http://monsterhunternation.com/2013/09/ ... checklist/

Really, the intent is humorous, but it's one of the most accurate summations of online interaction I've ever seen, to the point where I'm tempted to just repeatedly post it with the numbers particular posters are using, it'll change the way you look at people online.

I don't know what specific experience you're referring to, but I know what it's like, Sly. And since the probability of us both being monsters is much lower, I think we're okay.

I knew a girl on another board who had a victim complex about everything and was just lost in bitterness and depression, and spread it around by attacking anyone with an opinion about women or relationships that didn't match her victim mentality. It does hurt, but League_Girl makes a good point that also applies here: there's no reasoning with people who are under extreme stress. That includes women (or men) who are simply paranoid, obsessed with gender, or just reliving their own bad experiences or someone else's over and over. We already have our own bad memories to dwell on; we don't need theirs as well. If you meet someone who treats you like that, my advice is to distance yourself ASAP and move on.

Dox, I appreciate your intent but we could use a checklist about online conservatives as well. I've never seen a liberal pundit so clueless that they had no conservative equivalent. But it's not really important which side they (or we) are on, because either way they're still morons. The important thing is not to get swept up in their BS and go on being who we are.

Larry applies it mostly to liberals, since as an outspoken conservative that's who he's usually arguing with, but I find it fairly universally applicable to internet debate in general, just switching up the particulars, as dumb is dumb.

As to singularly ignorant liberal pundits, if you happen to know a lot about firearms, (Larry used to own a machinegun rental company, I have a degree in gunsmithing), they're pretty easy to spot, and I'm not talking difference of opinion wrong, I'm talking 'physics don't work that way' wrong. Ever normally intelligent people like Cenk Uygur seem to lose 50 IQ points when the topic comes up, and some bizarre point of pride prevents them from actually doing any research. My own theory is that anyone who learns about guns comes to realize how silly most of the laws and rhetoric concerning them are, which is why you'll never find a knowledgeable gun control activist. Seriously, I've tried for years, in a completely not sarcastic manner, never found one. But I digress.

Some people are just as*holes and it's best not to pay them any attention. Folks who throw a hissy fit when you disagree with them or argue/debate with them are a prime example of that. Ignore them, because chances are most others are ignoring them too, except for an elite cadre of other brain dead as*holes who follow them around and agree with them constantly.

As for the gun control issue Dox, I have actually heard of one argument for it that while I don't agree with, I can respect for it's honesty. It's "I'm afraid of guns and I'd like there to be as few guns as possible in this country, because I'm terrified of them." It's honest and it's logical. Of course nobody is going to ban guns based on this, but their argument is one you can actually respect. Unfortunately, most won't say this because they know it will make them laughed at so they come up with all kinds of crap to convince you that guns are going to ruin the country. Listening to some gun control activists, you would think that guns are becoming sentient and sneaking around holding private meetings and planning a takeover, like the trucks did in that one Stephen King short story.

In short, don't let people make you feel bad about yourself for not agreeing with them. It's a reflection on themselves, not on you, when their self worth and confidence in their own opinion is so low that they consider any dissent whatsoever to be an attack. I have good friends who I disagree with rabidly on some issues, and they disagree rabidly with me on them too. we have discussions, debates, arguments, heated debates, overheated arguments, etc, but it's all good. I respect them as individuals and they respect me and while we may not respect the other's actual opinion for s**t, we hella respect the other's right to hold that (wrong) opinion. It's actually kind of fun to argue and debate with somebody about an issue, especially someone who knows what they are talking about. Twisting and turning the arguments around and trying new approaches and tactics and points is kind of fun. On top of that, sometimes we get to a point where one of us brings up a point that the other just can't refute and then it's "Oh man! Good one! I'm gonna have to for real think on that one and get back to you" and we actually do that. It's like exercising your brain, which Lord knows I need a lot of.

To some people, their ideas and opinions are really all they have to define themselves. To those sad folks, if you attack the opinion then you are attacking them at their very core and putting down everything that they feel they are. They don't see themselves as "I'm a lady who feels strongly that....." or "I'm a man who deeply believes in.....". They see themselves only as a "____________ activist" or a whatever - IST and are completely defined in their pointed little heads by one (and sometimes, God help them, many) issue(s). You can't help that, nor can you fix it. Just roll your eyes, shake your head, tell them "Bless your heart" and go on, and thank whatever higher power you believe in that there is more to you than some opinion that makes you foam at the mouth hysterically and possibly cry. In other words, leave the nuts for the squirrels and don't worry about them, they really can't hurt you.