Urgent: Require personal opinion on social conflict

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This is a difficult issue that requires a lot of explanation in order for me to be able to be sure that I can receive suggestions and advice that is accurate to my current dilemma. I urge you to read the whole subject before resulting to comments about how it is "Too long, didn't read".

I have just attended a concert with my step brother and his girlfriend, seeing several runner up bands as well as the main event: Rise Against. I have been a fan of their work for quite some time, and have acquired all their albums. As a birthday present for my twenty first birthday, my stepbrother bought three tickets for us all to be able to go and see them in St Petersburg.

The concert was a standing presentation; there were no seats for us to sit on. We made our way to the front of the audience and listened to the music being played. During a song form one of the more "Heavy Metal" bands, a group of people began this ritual called a "Mosh Pit", where anybody involved run and collide with each other in a ring. I personally don't understand the reason why someone would want to partake in an even like this, but I can justify it if they are using this aggressive motion in order to be able to provide a sufficient medium in order to display their feelings about the song being played in particular. When the pit began to make it's way over to us, I politely moved out of the way and continued to listen to the music. My brother on the other hand showed visible distress and disdain. However, the situation did not escalate from that point.

When the main attraction, Rise Against, came on, the fans were understandably excited. At the first song, they all began the motion of this Mosh Pit. However, we underestimated the size that it would become, and the result was several people accidently ramming against us. Me and my step brothers girlfriend began to move away, but my step brother was apparently triggered by the action. He proceeded to enter the pit, and attempted to fight several of the people in there. Luckily he did not cause any severe harm to the ones involved, nor did he receive any injuries himself, but he did almost engage with another man who had a sizeable combative advantage over him. His girlfriend was crying, and was greatly troubled with the sudden violent personality my step brother took on. We eventually made our way further back into the crowd, but the girlfriend was still distraught, and began to hug me in what I assume was fear. Knowing that she was afraid and seeking comfort, I hugged her back.

Before anybody begins to make any assumptions I DO NOT HAVE ANY ROMANTIC INTEREST IN HER. I was NOT trying to take her from my stepbrother. From what I could understand, she was searching for security, and looked to me to offer that security. I for one do not like to see a lady cry, so I obliged.

Apparently it was the wrong move. Immediately My stepbrother pulled her away from me, and told me to leave the premises. The girlfriend began to cry more, and I became angry. I never get angry. I was told that anger was a negative emotion and that it serves to only be detrimental to one's ability to handle any situation, similar to love. I offered the universal sign of telling him to "Shove it", and left. Eventually I decided to get out of the crowd after unsuccessfully enjoying the music, and encountered the girlfriend in front of the mens bathroom when I was about to leave. She had told me the stepbrother was inside, and warned me that he was sill angry. I waited beside her, still angry as well, and he eventually left to sulk in the corner.

As the girlfriend began to comfort him, I sent a rather angry text message to my father informing him of the situation, as well as several phrases of what might happen to the stepbrother if this situation happened again. My brother having fits like this was not uncommon, and was finding it more and more difficult for me to be able to tolerate them due to the fact that they always seemed to strike him whenever we are out together in order to partake in any recreation activity. My father called me, and we engaged in a rather heated discussion about how to handle the situation. We both eventually decided that it would be best for us to cut the concert short and leave, which we did with no further complications.

I am still angry though. My step brother has dropped me off at the house as he goes to drop his girlfriend off at her home. This was suppose to be a present for all of us to enjoy. Why did he take so many actions to ensure that it would not be pleasant? And furthermore, there has been multiple occasions where activities that me and the family are engaged in suddenly take a turn for the unpleasant due to his tantrums. His actions and rituals confuse me. I was looking forward to being able to listen to one of my favorite bands in person, but spent more time worrying if my stepbrother was going to try to engage in any other potentially violent actions. I admit that allowing myself to become emotionally compromised did not aid the situation, but I believe that a majority of the fault is on my brother.

My question to you who are concerned is, "How do I make him stop?"

Unfortunately, you can't make him stop. You could attempt to discuss the negative effects of his actions, but he might be unwilling to listen.

You aren't responsible for his actions or reactions. As for his girlfriend, you did nothing wrong comforting her. It sounds like he was being territorial of "his woman". Tell him instead of brawling in the mosh pit, he should have been looking out for her.

i would stop going anywhere with him that i didn't absolutely have to.

I'm not very willing to talk to him at the moment. I believe that telling him about how his behavior had a negative impact would just entice another violent reaction out of him.

My father continues to want our family to get along, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm done with him. Until he or I move out, he's just another man living in the same house as me.

I second the advice to stop going places with him if you have any choice in the matter.

It sounded like he sort of "caught the contagion" of the general aggression that was going on, and got stuck in that mode even when seeing you trying to comfort his girlfriend.

Stay civil but try to minimize contact or interaction and try not to be out and about with him anymore.

I concur with the replies above. Try to keep your lives separate, have basic decency and politeness but leave it at that (at this point in time). Talking about this matter with him probably won't help and besides, it doesn't exactly help with your enjoying of a concert or some other event if you have to worry about him and his temper. I personally believe that if there's enough reason in such a person to actually reason and discuss with him, this wouldn't have happened. As he has a history of such behaviour you and several other people probably tried to discuss this matter with him and apparently it didn't work and he didn't seriously try to better his ways or find a solution.

His behaviour was troublesome to others such as you, family etc in the past as well and that fact, that he causes other people some kind of problem or distress, apparently isn't enough motivation to wake up and (seriously) change. I doubt that you can make him stop. Sometimes the ball lies with the other person as you tried all you could to make it clear to him that something needs to change and I suspect that this is such a situation. He might learn if you really do stop doing things with him and that you're serious about what you said and feel and that his behaviour is (very) problematic to you. Sometimes things are just out of our reach and are someone else's onus.

But good luck with this situation