Hurtful comments from my uncle on getting on SSDI

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About 30 minutes ago, my uncle responded to my news of being award SSDI by saying I'm not disabled and that I should quit being a victim and take charge of my life. He said this was a path that I should try to get off. What he doesn't understand was that by applying I was taking charge of my life. Because of problems with anxiety, depression, and obsessiveness, combined with ASD and gender dysphoria, I was unable to work consistently: My boss could never be sure I would show up that day. I am also a total recluse socially. My hygiene has declined. This, in addition to all my doctors' notes, is what got me approved, and it was worthy.

My uncle knows me only a little, and the last time I visited him was almost 3 years ago, so how dare he pretend to know that I'm not disabled and to accuse me of playing victim! He has not seen me or had to deal with any of my problems. (It, on the other hand, seemed more believable to my father, with whom I am closer.)

He also mocked the idea of my taking the opportunity to relocate to another state, one with better laws for trans people, while on disability.

What's more, my uncle is the only relative whom I know is also LGBT--he's a gay man,--yet he's never been open to solidarity with me, such as helping me get my foot in the door in the state he lives in, with infinitely better laws. Now, when gender dysphoria has taken its toll, and I've had to go on disability, he snaps at me.

Ugh. That sounds like my uncle and his wife. They both have high paying high status jobs and look down on everyone, especially me. My uncle completed a difficult degree and has a difficult job but acts like it was nothing. He's quite brilliant but he alternates between boasting and false-modesty. He's civil most of the time though.

I guess blood is thicker than water because his wife is just awful. She has an even higher paying even higher status job. She doesn't act like it's nothing. She always complains about how hard it is but then she thinks everyone should have a job like hers. If she hates it so much why does she want everyone else to do it? She always complains about how welfare bums like me are ruining the economy. How can someone so rich say I'm making her less rich?

I think she has a martyr complex. I have to go there every year for the family christmas eve thing. We have it there because they have the biggest house. I hate it there.

I don't envy their kids. They're growing up in a wealthy home and they often go on holiday overseas but their spotless home is due to their Mum being an OCD neatfreak. Their kids do very well in school and many extra-curricular activities but I don't know if this is because they're naturally talented or because they're being "tiger parented"

Uncle clearly doesn't understand how SSDI works- one doesn't qualify unless one has worked enough to qualify for it [one of the many hoops one has to jump through in the application process].

If one has not worked enough in qualified emplyment, meaning one has not PAID INTO SOCIAL SECURITY ENOUGH [paid their own dues, in a way], one can not really qualify for it.

So all the ignorant idiots saying the people on SSDI are living off the government or are "living off" the "hard work of fine upstanding individuals" or some such nonsense have pretty much zero idea of what they are talking about.

The reason people qualify for SSDI is because these are people who have tried to work- to the extent that they put enough into the pool that they qualify for disability.

...same as if any other person were to have a tragic accident and become blind or paralyzed, or develop end stage renal failure or any other horrible disorder [because it does actually happen, and then they have to apply for SSDI, and they qualify because THEY TOO paid into the system].

So maybe just tell your uncle to shove it. It isn't that he can't understand.

It is probably that he WON'T. And while that is dissapointing and disheartening- there are plenty of people who can and will.

SoL

I have the similar problems, too. I'm currently applying for SSDI but people do think I'm healthy enough that I don't need it. Hell, some people don't believe I'm even on the spectrum. I know I'm broken and have always been broken and I am glad to be getting some help after all these years. I just stay away from the negative ones who like to bring people down. They annoy me.

Haters gonna hate.

The sad part is, a lot of Americans truly believe that the poor and disabled should just die already and stop soaking up taxpayer money. I guess the fact that a lot of huge corporations get tax refunds due to exploiting loopholes in the tax code means nothing. No, it's the fault of the poor sap getting $800/mo.

As you said, your uncle does not know you very well so it is best not to take what he thinks to heart. sh***y family members suck but it is a problem a lot of people have to deal with unfortunately, I don't really have anything to do with my extended family since my grandma died and I don't even entertain the idea of any of them helping me out since I know they won't. I care about the people that care about me, I'm not going to waste my time pining for approval and love of people that don't. All I have are my parents and my siblings who are just a f'd up as I am but I have to be grateful because a lot of people don't even have that.

I wouldn't even mention any assistance you might receive, that's something I would only share on a need to know basis. I'm not going to solicit people's opinions that I do not care to hear. You know yourself and the government concurred so that's the end of the discussion for me, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive.

Exactly. I describe it much more directly and simply so that even the most simple minded will understand it. I tell them that the federal Social Security Administration (SSA) was humming along for 27 years before I was even born, and that I started working at age 15 years by, among other things, cleaning toilets (so much for "work Americans won't do") for exactly $1.85 an hour. My paychecks always deducted my SSA "contributions" with the simple promise that if I ever needed and qualified for SSA assistance, it would be available to me. I and every other worker in the United States was forced to accept this legal contract at force of law and virtual gunpoint. So, if there is now any doubt about who owes what to whom, it is the U.S. government which foisted this scheme on me and others, not the other way around; and it should be held to account for its now-broken promise. There are those who have worked hard and saved for their retirement (good for them), but still cash their SSA retirement-benefits check every month even though they don't need it. So, remind me, who is scamming the system? Not me.

This kind of explanation usually shuts up the complainers. If it doesn't, I ask why disabled military veterans get federal assistance, but disabled citizens shouldn't. Stops them cold.

I'm on SSDI & my parents didn't like the idea of me getting on it or SSI that I was on before I started working. My parents know I have disabilities but they have very good work ethics & worked hard all their lives & are very independent.. They don't fully understand how my disabilities limit me. I'm not completely disabled in any one area but the combination of lots of things really limits me which is extremely hard for people to fully grasp. They often talk about how they know people with one or two of the disabilities I have who could work & be very independent but what they don't understand is that I have alot more things going on with me. I hate being thought of as a loser by people & I often feel guilty for not working or doing everything I can to be productive at home due to being put down by my parents & society so much.

Even worse. A lot of people believe that the poor and disabled should work themselves through college with three minimum wage jobs at a time so they can their tuition and spartan living expenses and also pay $150 an hour for their therapy.

I've heard people say they worked 16 or 18 hours a day to bootstrap themselves out of poverty so I should too. I think it's jealousy. Some people didn't get the help they need which is unfortunate but some of those people say "I didn't get the help I needed so you shouldn't either, I had a painful life so you should to".

As for huge corporations, I find it staggering how in American and in my country as well they've convinced society at large that it's a good idea for them to socialize their losses but not socialize their gains. When they screw up through their own incompetence they expect the tax payer to cover their losses but when they succeed they say "we built it". How can people complain about me getting $2,000 a month in welfare when CEOs get millions in welfare.

Also, not everyone has the same capacity to "bootstrap" themselves.

I tried, and failed. I actually tried starting a couple businesses. At worst, I got threatened with a lawsuit for trying and failing to fix some guy's iPhone and had to buy him a new one. I don't know if I'll ever work. People don't realize that autism is a pervasive developmental disorder-you can't wish it away.

geez 18 to 18 hours a day. i couldn't do that. i would get too stressed out.