armour cracking

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I hate discussing this sort of thing, I prefer to battle my demons alone but im not exactly doing all that well. My life is on surface analysis pretty good, but I feel as if there's a huge war going on inside me. No idea where to begin but part of the problem is that due to stress ive begun to lose all my coping strategies. I went to an AS gropu session yesterday and I was just racked with anxiety the entire time. Im just being swallowed up by darkness.

?My life is on surface analysis pretty good, but I feel as if there's a huge war going on inside me?. I could have written that a few years ago, for me life happened, I lost my public veneer/coping strategies and all the trappings of a seemingly good life simultaneously. They say ?stress can kill? and I?m inclined to agree. I don?t have much to suggest as I am still making sense of my experience, except to focus on what you can control to reduce stress and do seek help.

Hi Ectyron

Sorry you're going through your stuff. You'll be successful in the end, though.

How's school?

stress is both universally experienced and universally ignored unfortunately.

I have a similar problem. It seems to be worse since I took lexapro and it made my symptoms worse.
I ask my wife all the time, how did I cipe with this before, what changed.'
She thinks it is increasing stress from my job as an accounting manager.

I find that when I get in a spiral of anxiety if I talk to someon else about normal stuff (not necessarily my stress) it gets me out of that loop long enough to help.

Are you married or have a significant other who could help?

Thanks kraftiekortie. School's ok I guess, im probably socialising way too much. Just come back from musician's society and im totally beat, met a v.lovely girl there though which puts some spring back in my step. I think partof the problem or the problem is that ive been cut off from my inner world. All the socialising and all the recovery time just has me acting NT 24/7. Im suffering burnout I guess especially because I had the same over summer so im just totally spent.

Can you reduce the stress/socializing, maybe schedule "Ectryon time" for yourself?

I do manage this but even when im alone I cant get out of "NT mode". The moment I leave my room I have to put on the NT facade because of the ever present spectre of a social encounter amongst other things. Insomnia doesnt help either. When im sleep deprived all my negative feelings are amplified.

When something similar happened to me, I felt I was unable to escape the agony. Talking to a therapist and medications helped me at the time. You sound like if you could relax a little, it would help. You framed the problem as a huge war and that you are battling your demons. Do you know what you are fighting or is it unknown? The cracks in the armor sound scary. If it were me, sorting out what I am dealing with would help. Ambien helps me get sleep.

I worked full time and my neurotypical facade got so permafrozen I cracked. That was 3 years ago and I haven't been able to maintain it since. I'm really nervous right now because I'm starting a part-time job Monday and every one I've tried in the past 3 years I've failed at.

There comes a time, I think, when you have to accept that even if you are capable of passing, you can't sustain it indefinitely. You have to come to some sort of accord with yourself and find out what your limitations (and strengths) are. Not that I am successful at this yet - I'm still trying to strike a balance.

battleling demons on your own is the same thing as battling demons on your own!
you're going to lose

Where you are going to win is when you start talking to us!

Well this is the thing, its just an all encompassing sadness really. I dont think that more friends or a romantic interest would even help. A romantic interest would make things worse I guess because I couldnt handle the stress of all that emotional entanglement.

I read about Taoism a few years ago, it's practical approach was useful for me. I happened across the library section of this site today looking for info on self regulation, http://personaltao.com/teachings/

Could it just be that?

And when I say
Could it just be that?
I am NOT being trivial in any way!

General Anxiety Disorder is a SERIOUS comorbidity that does it's damage in silence and secrecy!

My hearts beats, faster than it should
I fantasise about every disaster
I live in fear and fantasy