So What!

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Yesterday, I was teased by my husband and son. Teasing is a part of our family life, but sometimes I get annoyed. Yesterday was such a time.

I was looking for a bowl so I could eat my cereal. I happened to be right next to the dishwasher at the moment, and my husband mentioned that there were clean bowls in the dishwasher. I opened it, and saw just one bowl and said, "I don't like that bowl." My son heard this and started teasing me about how silly it was to not like a particular bowl. I have my reasons, but I didn't feel like spelling them all out.

Basically, this small teasing act caused a revelation that I switch around the utensils at the dinner table because I don't like the texture of certain handles. My son didn't even know and my husband only suspected. My daughter is the only one who has "caught" me, so I guess I've been doing a good job of hiding this. But, I got teased about it.

I understand that my Aspie-ness does often cause me to do or say things that are "funny", and I have learned to laugh at myself due to my husband's influence on my life. That is a good thing.

But yesterday, I just wanted to really yell, "SO WHAT!! ! What difference to YOUR life does it make if I only use certain types of bowls and utensils??? It makes no stinking difference! So leave me alone!! ! SHUT UP!"

Let me eat my particular cereal in my particular bowl with my particular spoon IN PEACE!

I think we've all been there, where a sensitive area is touched on. You should tell your family what you wanted to say--so what? I don't think it's healthy to hide certain traits, even though it may seem odd to others. It's part of the package of who you are, so why not embrace them? Then, you can say "so what?" and truly mean it.

I'm not much different from you, I prefer bowls at a certain width and height, less width at the bottom than at top so it's easier to scoop cereal but not so deep that soggy pieces hide out at the bottom. I also prefer the smaller spoon so I don't drink too much milk at a time.

Is it weird? Perhaps. It's very much an aspie thing. I can't expect people to understand why I feel that way, or feel so strongly about something others would find frivolous. But I know it hurts when people close to you don't understand or respect it. The best advice I would give you is people close to you tease you as a display of affection, them saying that isn't necessarily an act of hate. I know it's still annoying to deal with, but a good response would be to just tease back somehow.

I know I am teased in an affectionate way, and that they love me.

But sometimes I get so tired of it. I am teased most of all the family, and I know that it is because I am the most "funny."

I tried yesterday morning to explain to my husband why it shouldn't matter to anyone that I like things a particular way. I explained that when I am not eating at home, I deal with things. If I don't like a fork or a bowl or a coffee mug, I don't freak out. I just use the one I am given. But at home, when I have a choice, why shouldn't I take advantage of it?

My autistic uncle always eats by himself. He even has his own particular spot in the kitchen. No one ever asks why - it just is what it is. He has been accommodated in this way for years, since I was a little kid. So, I said, why can't I be accommodated without questioning or teasing? Just let it be the way that it is. Both of us considered that maybe I needed to have my own place setting that was *mine*.

I then explained that I am not trying to put anybody out with these accommodations. I don't get upset or demanding - I just quietly switch around forks occasionally. I'm not asking anybody to do anything extra to accommodate me. I explained that if the bowl or mug or spoon, etc. that I want is dirty, I just wash it for myself.

At this, he laughed. A lot. He repeatedly asked, "You do?" We've been married 17 years, and he did not know this about me. I know that he laughed out of disbelief and surprise, but I still didn't like it.

Yeah people can only take so much of that before it gets annoying. I mean its like sometimes people will tease me a little about something and its not a big thing to me because its all in good humour...but if they don't know when to drop it I can find it getting more irritating...like are we still laughing as a group here? or am I now actually being mocked....so I sort of get what you mean.

I do get it, from personal experience. But I notice NTs have odd foibles too and I found it helps to have a balance in humor as in other things. Its ok to have good humored teasing but it works best if all are included and teased the same. Keep your eye out for their little quirks and bring those up once in a while, as if to say 'you got your things too, so don't get too up on yourself'.

My wife, the NT of our partnership is actually the one with a lot of preferences and is very finicky about dishes and food and such. For instance we have a dozen coffee/tea mugs. She will use only about 4 of them. I would eat off a rock. But... it would be from the same limited menu, day after day.

If I make a joke about one of her foibles, I try also to include a self dig on one of mine. People's individual sensitivity levels is a factor, and my wife is very sensitive to such things. More frequently I will make a joke at my own expense. But I have try to desensitize her a little over time. Its healthy to be able to laugh at one self - maybe even therapudic.