Giving Up

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There is another thread running which asks if you think you will always be alone. My answer is yes, but it got me thinking. What does this culture have to offer me? The things which it values such as marriage and procreation and work success are not open to me.
Now obviously I benefit from things which it provides - the internet for one, access to food and medication. If I headed north to live of the land I'd be dead before winter.
But the things that keep others going like family and success are dead ends for me. I usually make an effort to smile and greet people I pass - but why? Today I went out and I didn't look at anyone I passed - just walked with my head down.
I feel so alienated.

My boyfriend of 8 years has stopped speaking to me. I emailed him to ask if this constitutes a breakup and he didn't even get back to me. Eight years and he doesn't even respect me enough to respond. Prior to his lack of speaking to me, he had told me that I was burdensome to him. So I guess that's it. I'm not worth it. Not the first time I've been told that. My father left my mother and I when I was 4 and I never had much contact with him. No brothers and sisters, just my Mom and she won't be here for much longer.

So I have to ask - what the hell is the point? The world has nothing to offer me There is no reason for me to exist. So I give. Gods, if you're listening, I give up. Can I go now?

What about your mom? She would be devastated if you died.

eight years is longer than any relationship i've ever been in. if you could do that, i'd be willing to bet that there is another relationship out there for you. sounds like you are going through a rough time. it's time to do something nice for yourself - a nice dinner, a soothing bath, listen to your favorite music. then give yourself some time for things to get sorted out. may take a while. in the meantime, learn to be your own best friend. perhaps, get a pet.