I need to leave but I can't bring myself to do it

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Read my sig. I keep hurting people. I'm such a jerk. I need to shut up and get off the internet so I can't speak to people so easily. I'm stuck on it though. I'll read these replies because I can't give up the laptop.

Even if I do I still have to interact with people which means more people are going to get hurt. I need to be locked up. I can't just kill myself. I'm too scared. I'm not a good enough person to end my life. If I can't convince myself to die I need to be isolated. I'm a liar, a narcissist, a psychopath, and a leech. I should've been born a mirror.

please don't be so hard on yourself. we aspies should not beat ourselves up so. doesn't this mean ol' world do a good enough job all by itself?

I agree with auntblabby. I don't think you have any reason to think that about yourself, and I'd like it if you stayed around.
I think similar things about myself, so I guess it's hypocritical of me to say that I don't think what you think about yourself is true, but I still think it.

I don't see a sig to read...

Leaving the internet is rather drastic. Why do you say you are such a terrible person that you need to do that?

Only believe 10% of what I say. I'm an as*hole and a (metaphorical) religious zealot. I need to shut up.

That's what I tried to put as my sig. I went to edit profile and I wrote it but I forgot to use HTML. I haven't used HTML since high school so I don't know the code. Realizing that's what I need to use doesn't really help.

Anyway, that's what I meant to write.

I'm becoming more and more arrogant which is ironic when my self-esteem is dropping faster than lightning. I ask argumentative questions. I make assumptions 10 times as much as I used to. I say things that have no beneficial purpose and actually cause harm. I went out of my way to tell someone how to be a parent when I'm never going to be a parent. Seriously who do I think I am?

I ignore people way too much but that can be attributed to AS and isn't really a new thing.

I thought I had this amazing idea about a randomization tool for restaurant menus so that people who have trouble trying new things and being decisive can get a computer to tell them what to eat if they feel they need someone to tell them what to eat but then I went and acted like a Jackass for the rest of the day and I completely forgot about any good feelings I had. I just broke down and cried for hours in a moment of shame and self-hate.

I've been crying every single night since then, sometimes multiple times a day. I say sorry so much but I feel like I'm being insincere because I continue to do the same harmful things to others. If I'm sorry than why don't I stop? If I'm really sorry I shouldn't have done it when it was obvious it was going to cause harm. I need a set of balloons saying "sorry I am such an as*hole". I saw a picture of them and I think I'd buy a thousand.

Saying I'm sorry for being bad sounds a lot more sincere to me than apologizing for doing bad things cause I keep doing them. If it's a habit than it's not just an action. It's who I am. I am an as*hole. I need to apologize for who I am rather than what I'm doing. If I really care about people I just won't be me or if I can't stop being me I'll just isolate myself.

Sounds like you just need a break. Find something to focus on to stop the constant self analysis and judgment. Your mind needs a rest.

sounds familiar to me, like the dysthymia I had a while back. highly treatable, please consider seeing a pdoc about it.

Good for you