Feeling empty

Post Reply New Topic

As the title says, that's how I'm feeling and have progressively felt lately. I know I know, you must be thinking: "Another of those depressed posts". I know there are a lot of them, but it can't be helped, as for how our mind is, from Aspies.

I mean, I've been feeling empty, since I was depressed months ago. I have no goals, no idea what to do. I'm coming to the later part of my adolescency, where you grow up and realize what the world is. I have no dreams, no idea what I want. I'm sad, really down. I fake a smile to the world, and home I do sometimes get happy on the computer or piano. Because I enjoy doing that, it's nearly like a drug. But it's temporarly. Sooner or later I have to go to sleep and wake up the next day. I failed Highschool, and have been the last months on a company for Aspies that help to find interests, because the only solution for me is an aprentshipment in this country, in IT. And although a lot of people actually say I'm good and want me, I never found a place. And I don't feel that good. I don't feel capable of taking life on, of living in a world where I cannot understand and just ask "What's all bout this? Why life? Why being forced to work your whole life and at the end die naturally anyway?" I barely enjoy doing anything, I just go with the flow, what I manage to find as occupations with my parents. They as always want me to follow an academic carreer. I also feel like a social failure. I've recently broke up with my LDR Girlfriend. How she interacts with me was wonderful, but herself, she was not really interesting, it was unfair to bewith her and be unhappy, although I knew I would never have a chance of "dating" in real life, not in this society anyway. Since I left her, I have nothing. Feeling extremly sad of being lonely, of living. Yes, I considered Suicide before, I still do. The mind of a human is so developed, that it starts asking such deep philosophic questions. And even in the slighest chance of finding something to fight for in my life, it is just masking away the reality we live in. I'm a coward, I haven't managed to jump of a bridge because after darkness, light follows. But you always have to wait. Not that I'm inpacient, but because... I don't really know. I'm sorry this text may be confusing, I'm sorry I'm not active and generally make selfish posts or post about me, and don't help others. But I'm sure most of you will kinda understand what I mean. Resuming, I've mixed thoughts and feelings, I'm a pessimist, a Nihilist, a lonely social failure, but is told he is a great person, a person who doesn't understand this world, society, and Life. Please help me, or tip me some opinions.