Addicted to drama

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I have determined that I am addicted to drama, to chaos, and to milking as much sympathy as I can out of the people around me. Naturally, the people around me are growing tired of that. One of those people is my boss - not a good situation.

I think this is what keeps me relapsing on my addictions. Relapse maintains a heightened state of drama.

This s**t has got to stop. Right. f*****g. Now.

I guess there is a part of me who wants to be the center of attention, and this is the only way I know how to get it. I have to dare to be an average peer amongst peers. Can you say "narcissism"? This is how virtually everybody acts in my family behaves. But enough with the reasoning behind why I act this way. I need to focus on moving past this train of thought. Realization is the first step.

I also have a history with gossip and drama and I realized that it came about as it was my only means of connecting with other people even though it's on a very superficial level. Best of luck.

Good for you in becoming aware of the problem, and trying to fix it. I am not a drama queen myself, but like many other people, when under a lot of stress, I do get a little like that. I recommend you find ways to reduce stress in your life, to help you deal with your drama problem. You should also channel your need for drama into healthier venues. Get involved in a local theater group. Participate in sports. Take up some sort of artistic hobbies. If you know something others would benefit from, consider teaching people at community night courses at local schools. Many local schools let local people teach about things they know in night courses for the general public. The guest "teacher" charges the public a fee, and pays the school part of that money. This public venue can be a good outlet for someone who wants to be the center of attention. Another outlet for your drama could be writing. You can get very dramatic on paper, without driving the people around you crazy.

I've known a few drama queens. They are very annoying people. I hate it when stress occasionally causes me to get that way. I think reducing the stress and finding other, healthy outlets for drama will make a really big, positive difference in your life.

Good luck with this.

Good for you, OP, in recognising an issue, owning it, and resolving to change it. Fantastic! You are half way there already. Consciousness of the problem and insight into it (another tick) and now you need a bit of a steer on how to develop new ways of communicating. You can do this. You probably did learn your old style within your family; you can learn another style outside of it.

If you can, find a mentor - someone you can trust not to misunderstand or exploit you. Someone who "gets" you. Someone that you would like to be like in terms of communicating. If they are agreeable, spend a designated time together each week to work on your new communication skills. Your mentor can do a lot:

show you other ways of communicating
give you general feedback and encouragement
model new behaviours
encourage and reinforce your progress
give you opportunities to practice new behaviours
point out things you may have overlooked
help you set realistic goals
give you feedback on how you are coming across
suggest new things for you to try

If there are no likely mentors in your life, you could find a counsellor for the same role.

Keep a journal and put every scrap of progress into it. Write in it the gains you are making, the insights you are developing, what helps sustain change and what does not. Don't expect perfection of yourself and beat yourself up over little lapses. They are just part of the process. Accept them and keep moving on.

...

I wonder if you were ignored when you were a child, not really taken notice of in your family. Was their focus on themselves or other members of the family and you were overlooked, your needs for attention not recognised or filled? In some cases this kind of neglect translates into drama queen behaviour later on. Children need attention, affection, approval and acceptance; these are basic emotional needs that produce a sense of safety, value, security and confidence. Many of us missed out on them growing up. However it is not to late to fill those needs ourselves, by treating ourselves with respect, kindness and attention, and by choosing to hang out with people who can offer the same because of their own values and personality.

Not knowing you, I have no idea if this is apt in your case, though I throw it in there just in case.

MAybe you feel you need to compete with your family (who are acting that way) to get attention... even tho you just wanted a bit, perhaps you have to try for a lot in your family to get a bit.

I am also a drama whore. I'm honest about it tho. Just be honest. Also, if you like drama, get a dramatic job and talk a lot about it. There will be a circle of people who do talk about that all the time. Go for it!

And I'm curious about hearing more of your stories; talk to me! And no, I'm not just trying to pander to your dramatic-ness... I'm seriously interested in your drama and dramatization of it.

Honestly, I grew up in an extremely hostile and abusive environment, with narcissistic shame-based parents and bullying siblings.

My past is not the issue, however. The issue is how I choose to handle myself today. I can't blame my family and my upbringing for any of my choices now.

Yes, the point of power is always in the present. The point of learning and reclaiming power is always in the present. The present is where change happens, day by day. People can and do recover from the most horrendous things, including some things so terrible that things on WP pale in comparison. Good for you, good luck with your journey from here.