You guys, it feels really good to be writing on here because I feel like a lot of voices in my head say that I'm trying to feel the glass wall or that I'm doing this to myself, or I can change my brain but I just can't. My therapist told me I am on the spectrum and have been doing OCD cbt therapy. I have hypergraphia + intrusive imagery, but my main question for you is the way I process information - common for aspies?
Basically ill be reading something and ill get fixated on one detail and obsess over it, and blur out the rest of the meaning or one detail will trigger my hypergraphia and make me write something down. Therefore I don't watch movies or tv or read books yet I wrote one. I also feel like I'm in my own world, literally - just here like ariel in the little mermaid wanting to be on land with people.
If I'm watching something I'll obsess on that one detail and it will be hard for me to watch the entire thing cause I'm thinking of that
Especially listening to music certain phrases just can be broken down and I can feel like I'm having an out of body experience like I can pass out with them cause it feels so beautiful like little things like orange peels left in the sink or the banister. I just wanna kiss them.
I also think in images
Everyone tells me I'm intelligent yet I feel like the biggest idiot ever. I wrote a manuscript that a fairly known publisher bought from collaging notes together but when I read them, it doesn't even feel like it was me who did it? I just feel like I'm not here. I dropped out of high school cause it was so hard for me. I am very suicidal cause I feel like I am not like everyone else.
I have such a hard time processing info... I am very very sensitive to stimuli, basically everything is a spike in real life everything is narrated, so I stay home a lot.
15 Nov 2014, 12:15 am
