Social disaster

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There is a girl who is potentially on the spectrum who I've seen multiple times at a meetup.com group. I'm having a hard time talking to her. The first time we smiled and made eye contact with each other for over 10 seconds but we were not on the same part of the table at that gathering. At another gathering I sat across from her. She asked me a question, then I answered and froze up. She was leaning forward, smiling, and seemed like she liked me. She was touching her hair a lot. I could not concentrate and didn't know what to do. Then she moved one seat over diagonal to me because she probably thought I was very nervous after I had a hard time making eye contact. Her attractiveness is about average, but that's not important to me.

The other day I went again, but this time there was an empty seat next to her. I did not know if I was supposed to sit in it or not, so I sat on the far end of the table. We exchanged glances a few times. Afterwards, I sent her a message "Would you like me to sit next to you next week?" I usually bring my favorite board game to play with people there every week. That could be a way to try to talk to her. She has not responded within the past 24 hours even though she read it and now I think I should never go back, even though it is my favorite place to go. I feel sad.

I feel like such a failure all the time. I have severe clinical depression. This is important. I like her and I rarely like people; this is not some fleeting infatuation. I've never had a girlfriend and I'm 20 with Asperger's. It's hard to find girls on the spectrum like this. What do I do now?

Don't ask her again, just let her decide (and maybe choose to reply before the meeting). Bring your game with you as you planned. If she shows up, you will be there with your game and ready to ask her if she would like to play it with you. That way you won't surprise her with anything that you haven't already said or asked.

If she doesn't attend the meeting, you have done the best you can and you are still able to play your game with others. She might have other plans, so don't get too upset if she isn't at the next meeting.

Ok, thanks for the response. Your advice seems like a good course of action.

Oh, I've both had these situations happened to me, and been in this situation at the other end, with others. Just relax; don't feel like a creep unless you are one.

Well, she was there again and there was an empty seat beside her. Someone else ended up sitting in it. I didn't sit in it because she never replied to my message asking her if she wanted me to sit next to her. I didn't want to cause awkwardness. It wasn't logistically possible for her to play the game based on the seating arrangement. After the meeting ended she lingered around a cluster of people, but I didn't approach her as I had no idea what to say. She RSVP'd early for next week's meeting a few weeks ago as well a few days after my message, so I guess that was a good sign. It's good because that's not typical behavior of her based on what I've seen. I don't know and I'm done analyzing this nonsense until I can figure out something here. Trying to talk to her around the group will be difficult, especially when I struggle to hold conversation with the same gender around me. She is also not good at conversation, so I bet she has a hard time socializing as well. She might also be shy. This is hard; I'm not done yet.

My plan for next week is to get there as early as possible before her, then I can observe where she sits down. I'm also going to the dentist and I'm trying to learn how to drive. Maybe I can save this sinking ship somehow. Oddly enough, this fiasco with this girl has motivated me, mostly because I see this as an enigma to solve.

Yeah, I would say that is a better outcome than you had believed before. She is willing to return to the group, and that is a good thing.

Next week, maybe you could try to get her attention with just a wave when she looks in your direction. Even if she is busy at that moment, she might eventually walk over to you and start talking. If you have nothing else to say, talk about your games that you and everyone there have played that night. No need to quote Shakespeare, just chat a little and try to make her feel included.

Congratulations so far, and good luck next week!

This was no social disaster.

How are you going to get to know somebody--except by taking action. Glances don't mean action--they're only glances.

(I would say 10 seconds for a glance is too long, though--that might be interpreted as staring).

You have to, sometimes, "take the bull by the horns," and initiate contact. You can't just lay back, passive--you'll never get anywhere that way.

It's not like you were asking her to bed!! !! !!

As someone else stated (I forgot who--but it was a great gem of wisdom): rejection is inevitable. You will get rejected more than you get accepted.

The advice previous to this post is good as well.

What? Are you serious? People aren't supposed to do this? haha but really though, thanks for making me laugh. I just keep picturing this scenario.

To OP: you're not on a sinking ship. I feel like your ship is still tied to the harbor heh. Anyways, good job on having the courage to message her. Now, take another risk the next time you see her. Say hi, introduce yourself, and ask her how she's doing.

Just don't do Hamlet's Soliloquy.

hahah now that would be a disaster