JSBACHlover wrote:
Buddy,
That was me when I was your age. I know it hurts. People knew I was smart, but they didn't want to be with me. My parents also didn't understand. I cried a lot.
Please believe me, it gets better as you get older.
Its only been getting worse for me as I get older.
Vterry wrote:
If you are 16 now, than trust me - it is the most difficult age (not that I know what would happen when after 70, but). Things will get better - just stay open, and don't expect much from other people - and you will find someone who cares about you.
And another thing - because you mentioned your parents in the very beginning of your post, dont judge them - they are what they are. When I think about my parents my opinion on them swings from "they tried their best" to "they did all they could given the situation" to "they could have been better parents" to "they never really cared about me". Now, being a parent myself I still don't know what do think about them, so I decided not to judge them.
I don't expect much from other people at all. If I did, I would be 1000 feet deep in depression right now. People only ever come to me when they need something from me, so I don't believe someone would care about me.
I am not judging my parents, only stating my analysis.
Fnord wrote:
It's hard to say this without being snarky, but this is just how it is for autistics. No one - not even most others on the spectrum - really gives a rat's arse for us as individuals.
Sure there are exceptions. My Asian-born wife thinks I'm "cute" when I get all Spock-like, and then she tries everything she can ( Wink ) to get me out of that mood. Alex set up this website for us, and most of us would have no social contact at all if it weren't for WP. Some parents have even stepped up to make schools accommodate their children and thus set a precedent that benefits other children on the spectrum.
But the majority of the world seems to wish that we would either go away or just "stop trying so hard to be autistic". To them, we're just another set of self-centered and burdensome people who whine and cry and beat our heads against the wall for attention, and who refuse to be "cured" because that would make the attention stop.
The trick is that you gotta care about yourself, and try to not focus on the indifference the world has for you. Make as much of yourself as you can. Develop talents and skills that other people admire or that are in demand (music, maths, et cetera). One day, someone will think of you as merely "eccentric", and maybe even "cute", and your world will open up.
It can happen.
That's what is happening with me. People think I am just 'trying really hard to be autistic'.
I know that day wouldn't come.
Sherry221B wrote:
No one cares about anybody. It's sad, but true. You better take care of yourself and care about yourself because no one else will.
I don't believe that. All other people care about others, just not me.
timf wrote:
When you are 16, you are coming to the end of the life someone wants you to live and getting ready to start the life you make for yourself.
There is something that can make this a difficult transition. If your parents have the view that the world is wonderful and put you in public school to prepare you for a place in it, they can feel betrayed that you appear ungrateful and even resentful of that for which they have worked so hard.
There are some of us who do not embrace the world as they do. We may not gauge "success" they same way they would. Because we look at things differently, because we do not fit neatly into the conveyor-like processing which the world has become, we are not prepared to face the world by school as much as we are saddled with mystifying and frustration social interactions.
If your parents had been more aware, they would have been able to prepare you better by teaching you how to navigate through the world without the burden of thinking you have to be like everyone else. You are at the point where you will have to soon start taking control of your own life. You have already come to the understanding that people in general are not going to view you as such an adorable person that they all want to spend time with you. Most people want to be with those who have money to spend, tell interesting and amusing stories, or flatter them.
Even though you are starting with a bit of a handicap, things are going to get better. Your skill set will dramatically improve as you learn how to deal with people and develop more realistic social expectations. You might be able to mollify your parents if you tell them that you understand how much of a disappointment you must seem to them and that while you are not able to change to meet their expectations, you hope they will eventually come to see you as your own person.
You may want to consider something radical such as going in the Army. After you get out, people might be more willing to cut you some social slack if they can attribute anything atypical about you to military service.
There are many paths in front of you. As you begin to live the life you want as opposed to the life someone planned for you, you will begin to feel less discomfort.
The conveyor-like processing thing is exactly what I told my mother before she flipped at me.
timf wrote:
I know it's probably the last thing you want to hear but a lot of it really is to do with teenage hormones and being autistic.
You can't blame other people for not wanting to talk to you when you yourself are unwilling and unable to interact with them in the way that they find acceptable and appealing. Do you know what i mean?
Let me illustrate: there was a social gathering that was supposed to take place this weekend that I had been looking forward to for some time. (and also stressing about as it involved socializing - hence obviously stress).
First, it got moved from Saturday to Sunday. Then today, it got moved to early evening instead of lunchtime. Then it wasn't possible to do the activity we were all going to do because one of the players couldn't make it. So the other option was to watch a film.
So what happened was that basically I declined to socialize AT ALL. I knew I wouldn't have the same taste in films as the others, I knew I wouldn't enjoy just 'hanging out' with these people without some joint activity to focus everyone's interest and so I cannot really blame them for my lack of social life because I have chosen not to participate in it. The rub of this is - the more I decline alternatives, the less I will be invited to things in the future. This is just how it is but now I am old enough to be ok with that.
You most likely still need to experiment and go through hell to assure yourself that you are, actually, quite happy in your own company.
Right, I can't blame other people, but there are many people who are unwilling to interact with them in the way they find acceptable and appealing, and yet those people have hundreds of friends and everyone enjoys talking to them. People don't realize how hard it is for me to socialize, and they make fun of me for how I cope with those difficulties. When I try to talk to people, I get laughed at at my face, and then behind my back, what am I supposed to do?
tall-p wrote:
That is suicide talk. You NEED a psychiatrist or a psychologist to talk to about what you are feeling... you need this today... yesterday!
I believe that the main thing that drives a wedge between Aspies and the people around them is the "empathy thing." My impression is that people not on the spectrum are thinking about what is going on in the lives of the people they know all the time. They are really involved in the day to day stories of everyone that they know. They are genuinely interested. But Aspies don't think like that, and NTs pick up on that instantly. It isn't easy to fake it either. Like you start off here saying that your parents don't like you. But how much insight do you have into their lives? How their day to day experiences really are?
And NYs know about the emotions that their friends are feeling. Concepts that never ever cross our minds. How often do you say to yourself, "I wonder how such-in-so is feeling today?" Nt's brains are going on about this complexity all the time. They pick up on little facial expressions, their posture, their wardrobe, the timbre of their words. Stuff that just blows right by us. It's empathy.
You need to talk to a professional... do you have any ideas of who to contact?
I don't want to contact my schools psychologist for sure. Last time I talked to her, she put me on hold for 2 months before our next meeting.
ASPartOfMe wrote:
So far 10 people cared enough to reply even the "tough love" guy. Behind the words you see typed on the forums are real flesh and blood people.
Between the suicide thoughts and the disassociation you are having a tough time right now. Come Monday you need to find professional help as soon as possible. Before then and at any time we are here.
I have read many interesting, thoughtful posts from people who at one time they thought were worthless. I am looking forward to the contributions you will make when you are felling better.
I agree people cared enough to reply, but the people who I live with everyday, wouldn't give a darn about me. I can't even get professional help sitting in this residential school, and the psychologists of my school are the most incompetent fellas I have ever seen. I hate the psychologists at my school.
em_tsuj wrote:
I felt that way in high school. It was by far the most miserable time in my life. It gets better. I tried to commit suicide when I was 17 because I had the same types of thoughts that you typed in your post. I am glad I am still alive. I got to experience so much stuff over the last 12 years. Also, my social skills improved a lot too. If you keep up with the tech stuff, you might be able to move out on your own and get away from your parents and those kids at school who ignore you or pick on you.
That is what I am trying to do right now, but I have problems in the tech world too due to my Aspergers, and I can't do it alone, and no one else gives, as mentioned before, a rats arse about me, so I get stuck a lot of time because I have to do everything alone.
cberg wrote:
I feel I should add that technological work is no matter of 'keeping up' except with regards to shiny hardware and ever-changing numbers. It's solely a matter of fluency and determination, a quality I'm sure beyond any reasonable doubt you're in the process of developing.
I have no problems with regards to technical stuff whatsoever, in fact I just got two /27's from ARIN.
30 Nov 2013, 10:47 am
) to get me out of that mood. Alex set up this website for us, and most of us would have no social contact at all if it weren't for WP. Some parents have even stepped up to make schools accommodate their children and thus set a precedent that benefits other children on the spectrum.
