Keep feeling so anxious lately

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Ok I have fallen in love with a man, and this is my first true relationship. He loves me and I love him, and there's no doubt about that.

We both want me to move in with him, which I find exciting because I do want to move out of my parent's house and have some independence, and I'm glad I have got a partner to move in with because I wouldn't want to live completely on my own. But the only thing is, I've got to find a new job because it's a new location I'm moving to. I don't like the job I'm currently in anyway, because it's at a care home, and reached a conclusion that I don't really like working in the care category (won't go all into why today). At the same time I'm quite excited at the thought of living with my partner and getting a new job. But also I keep feeling anxious about starting a new job, because I'm scared of what the people I'm going to be working with are going to be like. I know it's making me anxious because I keep having attacks of either constipation or diarrhea, what switches to extremes every day or so, and this is quite unusual for me, and I haven't had any changes in my diet.
I've encountered issues with people (mostly women) in the past who have picked on me and humiliated me because of some of my quirks. My quirks don't make me a bad person, and I know how to not say things to upset people, but it's just the way I say or do things that make people begin to dislike me, which hurts me deeply.
I often feel embarrassed to disclose ASD to the employer, in case they overestimate (or underestimate, I get confused with these 2 words) me or something. But I also feel that I should let them know, because when people don't know about my condition, they obviously take it for granted that I'm NT, then get weirded out when I have my eccentric moments, and that's when people begin to be unpleasant towards me. Yes it's a shame people don't know how to empathize with people who obviously struggle a bit, but there you go.
The workers at the place I'm currently working know that I have ASD, only because I friend of the family works there and she helped get me in, and obviously told everyone about my disorder. But at least they expect a bit of eccentric behaviour from me and they now just know me as Jo, not as the girl who they look at and wonder why I'm eccentric, because they already know why.
So I don't know. See, this is why I hate having a condition like an ASD. It causes issues everywhere I go. If I was born NT (meaning NO neurological differences at all), then I wouldn't need to worry about whether I should disclose a label or not.

I'm trying to look into working from home, but it's harder than I thought. I've looked online, but there's no work from home jobs for me around here, and the only ones that are around here are ones where they want people with "excellent communication skills" to be able to sell stuff through telephone and online, and I've worked in retail before and I have no skill whatsoever when it comes to dealing with the public.

I'm feeling so worried about all this, that it's causing upset stomachs, cold sores and tiredness. My boyfriend does understand and is trying to help, but he is a severe procrastinater, plus he works full time driving buses so doesn't have a lot of time, and on his day off we like to go out and do things together what we enjoy. What can I do about this dilemma about whether or not I should disclose ASD to an employer?

I could understand you feeling anxious; you're embarking upon many new things: living with the guy (perhaps marrying him), and getting a new job.

If it makes you feel better, EVERYBODY goes through anxiety when their lives change drastically like your life.

Hopefully, your boyfriend will let you have his shoulder for you to place your head when you feel anxious.

I feel anxious doing something as simple as going to wal-mart. So, I suppose it's incredibly natural to feel anxious when you're changing basically.. everything. You have the job experience, and I know care homes (even if you choose not to go down that path) are typically hiring.

I've both moved 1,000 miles away and gotten a new job. I also had a massive panic attack in the process in which I completely lost my mind. I'll say the best thing you can do is not pressure yourself to be immediatly successful and don't put too much on your plate.. it's not as if you need to move in with him and immediately spend every second looking for a job and being progressive. Just be confident and comfortable in your decisions.. really, don't pressure yourself. It all worked out for me in the end, and I'm thrilled by my decision, but boy I sure would've slowed down when I got here.

Give yourself a chance girl It's gonna be alright and like someone before me said: EVERYBODY gets anxious when they change their workplace. Literally: everybody.

What do you like doing? What are you good at? What would you like to do? Maybe it would help if you connected your job with a passion?

Yes that does make me feel better to know that feeling this way is quite normal when going from living at home with your parents to planning on moving out, to a different town, and finding a new job. I think most people go through this at some point, unless you're one of those people who like to doss about and don't really have a comfort zone.

But lately I keep breaking out in tears. I feel like a dunce, like I'm slower than average to learn new skills, and I worry that it will make me a bad wife. I already can't have sex because of the fear of that sickening pain I've experienced when having sex in the past, and to be absent-minded with household tasks as well, I'm so scared that my boyfriend will think I'm useless. That also depresses me. I know how to do stuff around the house, but I've always done it my mum's way. My boyfriend seems to have a different way of doing things, and it seems to be taking a while for it to sink in, even after he shows me. I feel so stupid all the time. And having severe object-blindness as well, that just makes everything more embarrassing.

And job wise, I worry that I'm too stupid to work. I've been at my current job for 2 years and I still keep getting pulled up. I know I am not a perfectionist, only when it comes to writing. But when I try looking into admin jobs, they either want people with excellent communication skills or people who are intelligent. I'm none of those. All I'm good for is being completely out of the way of the public and doing the most basic thing in the world, like packing things into boxes.

Why do you not think you're as intelligent as other people?

I don't get that impression at all.

Also: you can do something that I can't do: keep a clean house. My feeling is: as long as the house is clean, who cares how it got clean?

@Joe90:

1) As someone with ASD, chances are, you require patterns to be functional. This situation is altering several of your patterns at once. The patterns in your life that are about to be altered:

a) No longer living with your parents,
b) Living with another man outside of your family, with expectation of a working relationship and likely ambiguity in his understanding of your sexual mechanics
c) Change of location
d) Change of job

These are fundamentals, they are all core parts of your everyday life, and are all about to change at once.

No wonder you're feeling like you're going nuts. Even a neurotypical who's changing all of these things at once, would be having anxiety.

First love is fierce and powerful, and you open up to that person like you've not opened up to anyone.

It is also blinding.

Judge the tree by its fruit. The good things in your life should feel like ease, and fun. They should feel like joy, and anticipation and excitement.

They should NOT feel like anxiety, panic, heart falling into your stomach.

Can you feel joy right now? Can you summon the feeling of what it feels like, to be joyous?

It appears to me, from my biased and subjective point of view, that you are taking the brunt of everything in this situation, as opposed to your boyfriend. You are doing it because you believe you should, you must, you promised, you-

Close your eyes, and take a deep, slow, breath. It will be very hard for something so simple, because the whirlwind in your head will keep trying to hijack your attention to something "important", which isn't really important.

What's IMPORTANT is YOU.

YOU MATTER THE MOST.

If you can't make yourself feel good, you can't help anyone else or make a situation work.

You need to start with YOUR WELL-BEING as the CENTER of your world. Respect yourself enough to allow yourself to breathe. Then, from that point, let your well-being dictate your decisions.

In doing so, you will will have an incoming thought. An idea that will give you a new angle on the situation.

Not necessarily as radical as scrapping the whole plan, but it could be a compromise in some form. Something to ask your boyfriend you've never thought of before... A way to partially challenge you with a new change, gradually, without drowning you in it all...


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2) On a pragmatic note, do not neglect your stomach. There's an excellent remedy designed in 1995 in Japan, called PepZin GI in America. I use "Dr's Best PepZin GI" version. It naturally repairs your stomach, by sticking powder-form of zinc on its lining. Clinically tested and in wide use in Japan, but nobody knows about it in America.

It's been saving me ever since I got gastritis. And I got it because of stress because of quitting my job to embark on something new. Mine too, started with bouts of diarrhea and constipation, so I stocked up on Imodium and laxatives and then things got suddenly much worse one night.

Gastritis is a very very very unpleasant thing, and you can still prevent it if you start taking PepZin GI now. Look it up, it's also called "zinc carnosine". It's pretty cheap on Amazon.

Sure, a new job, new place to live, all seems overwhelming to an aspie. But remember, the new things only stay new for so long. You get used to them, and they become a habit. Go through the transition. It won't be easy, but it'll only take so long for this to become 'not new.' Your new job will have a routine, and you'll know what to expect every morning.

Why don't you talk to your boyfriend about a routine once you'll move into the new place? start practicing this routine now. maybe see the place before you move in and get a feel for the place.

and go to a doctor about your stomach. try chamomile tea.