The problem with Ma. As I was growing up she never believed me when I told her that my father was having affairs and also that he used to go after my friends and me too. She would always scream at me and tell me that I was giving her stress. When I finally decided to stop talking to him and expressed my desire to cut him out of my adult life, she blamed me for her breast cancer. Her cancer was caught in time, she is in remission now for 7 years and had reconstructive surgery. If I pretented he wasn't the way he was, I had a nice, warm mom but when I acknowledged reality of my father, she became this horrible creature who acted as if she didn't even know me. I felt like she was telling me to be blind to his faults or she'll be blind to my existence.
I could understand if she was dependent upon him financially but she NEVER was. She made twice the pay he made and was intelligent. She's normal every other time except when it comes to him. Even with the affairs he had, she treated me as if I were a jealous girlfriend lying to her about him. I was 15 the first time I realized that his touch was sexual (my aunt - his sister - witnessed what he did) and complained about this to her. She was chopping onions for that night's supper. She held the knife to my chest and said, "I ought to stab you right in the heart!". I told her that my Aunt suggested that I tell her, otherwise, I would have not said anything at all. Then she said,"Oh, well then I ought to stab you in the tongue and your aunt in the heart." After this, I started to get really bad depression and went into denial until I hit my 30's and had my own house. I put up with only the sight of him every holiday and decided a decade ago that I didn't even want to put up that anymore. I want him away from me. I hate him. I'm in my fifties still complaining about the same exact things that I complained about at 15 and my mother STILL doesn't believe me. So, I guess I'll have to wait for him to die so I can have a relationship with her.
15 Jan 2015, 10:20 am
