Difficulty Transitioning into Adulthood

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I grew up in a cult-like environment. I did my school from home, and my parents heavily monitored everything that I would read, watch or research. My Dad was abusive, and most of the real parenting came from my Mom. My parents knew I had AS, but they treated me like I was no different from my siblings. When I would get overwhelmed during gatherings and would try to get space, my Mom would scold me and say I was shaming the family. I still feel guilty to this day when symptoms of my AS show.

We moved away from that place almost 10 years ago. My family has become much more understanding of me, but I still haven't been able to adjust to a normal life. I have severe anxiety, chronic pain, and I'm afraid of getting to know people, even in online spaces. This isn't the first time I've been on WP...I chicken out and abandon the account every time.

I'm engaged to a wonderful man, but that's the extent of my "normalcy". I haven't been successful in work or school, in spite of all my efforts. My fiance does everything right now, and I don't like that. I don't want him to have that kind of pressure. We found a therapist to help me, and I really hope it helps, because I'm all out of ideas.

I'm a young adult, but I still feel as insignificant and powerless as I did when I was a child trapped in a cult.

Were your family in the Quiverfull movement? I'm asking because I know of several sites to help ex Quiverfull kids with the problems they have after leaving. I've done a lot of reading about it, and also the ex Quiverfull people's stories. I'll be glad to point you to the sites if they would apply to you.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Thank you for the kind replies.

I didn't grow up in a literal cult, but the environment around me ended up feeling like one. It was a rural community full of exceptionally strict Christians. Everyone we knew was a Christian, most of my childhood friends were from church, and, as a child doing school from home, my parents picked out school books that often spent more time talking about the Bible than the actual school subject. (My "science" books were full of pseudoscience that attempted to prove the validity of Bible stories.) In addition to all this, we had no TV, and my reading and internet use was strictly monitored. So, I was being indoctrinated with their ideas every day, and I had no way to encounter new ones.

As for my relationship with my fiance, yes, he is the one for me. I love him more than anything, and he is very supportive of me and my needs. I just don't want him pulling all of the weight in our relationship.

Quiverfull is a fundamentalist evangelical Christian movement. They are similar to Southern Baptists in doctrine. The women are submissive to the men and don't work outside the home or go to college usually. The kids are home schooled and sheltered from "worldly" things such as tv and most of the internet and other people who aren't members of their same sect. They all dress modestly and do not believe in birth control at all, and they believe they should have as many children as possible so that they can outnumber those who don't believe like them and also witness to bring others into the fold. The Duggers who have that show 19 kids and counting are members of it. Most people who are in it aren't as well off as the Duggers though and the kids don't have anywhere near as many options and benefits.

If your family was in a similar sect, look up some of the ex Quiverfull stories online and the support groups. You don't have to have been a member of the actual Quiverfull movement to get help from them or identify with their stories. There are many movements in the Evangelical Fundamentalist denominations that are very similar to Quiverfull. The Christian Patriarchy movement sometimes overlaps with Quiverfull because Quiverfull is part of that but not all the Patriarchy groups subscribe to the leadership of the Quiverfull movement. It's got gatherings and workshops and they have specific homeschool literature and stuff, but not all of the groups like them use that. Google No Longer Quivering and see what you can find in the links. That's a site for ex Quiverfull. They have links for lots of people who are having the same trouble you mention.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Your description of Quiverfull does sound eerily similar to my own upbringing. I'll look into those support groups...thank you.