Sensory difficulties & coping

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Hello all! This is my first post here, please be gentle. I've heard about the Wrong Planet community for years, and my mother has encouraged me to join, but I am very shy and I feel exposed when I make connections with new people. However I could really use some community and perspective, and my neurotypical husband just can't give me perspective on certain aspects of living life with autism. I need help! Also, I would like to just be around other people who "get it" more, which is what this place is all about. Thanks for being here for when I finally got brave.

What drove me to finally get over the hump and post is this: I realized the other day that I am chronically overstimulated. I'm pretty sure it started in having to go to a large public school full of bullies every day, and habits built up around dealing with that environment, but I'm 29 years old now and I stay home all day almost every day, so that factor is moot. I noticed that I will prefer to continue overstimulating myself (Playing a video game on TV while watching a movie on my laptop is a great example) rather than make space for myself to "chill out" and feel things. These habits keep me from being able to focus due to being overstimulated. Even when I'm not sitting in my chair playing video games, it's hard for me to make it all the way through a thought process these days without having a melt down. That is hard for me because I want to be able to continue to learn, grow, and function around my house. Having noticed this, I began to wonder, "What happens if I stop?"

So this is where I need help. What happens when I stop is that my body, which seems always flooded with sensory information, finally gets a say in. I almost immediately have a melt down when I "tune in" because my whole body feels AWFUL. It's like every limb wants to go in a different direction, and my skin is trying to crawl off, and I can't sit still because then I feel wiggly, but if I move it makes the discomfort so much worse!! It's kind of like when you are sitting on a foot that has gone to sleep, and when blood flows back in it feels like the WORST THING EVER. I have been trying to "sit with" these sensations for a while every day for the past four days, instead of numbing myself out, because I am sick of being in a rut of restricted behaviors. (I have dreams of having my own little farm-homestead one day, but that is NEVER going to happen if I can't stop freezing up in my little comfy chair.) It has been an awful four days. I feel like I want to unzipper myself and walk right out of my body!

On the other hand, on the one "good body day" I've had where I was also cutting down on overstim behaviours, I got about twice as much done as I usually do and was able to think through things more clearly. I just want to be able to function something like a normal person, so that was pretty tantalizing.

I have a few questions: Has anyone ever dealt with something like this before? If so, does it get better if you stick with cutting down on overstimulating habits? (Do you get your ability to focus back, and does the feeling in your body abate to a manageable level?) Is there anything I can do to help myself? Am I missing some bit of perspective?

Thanks if you read this all the way through, best wishes for a good day to you

I want to say hugs to you you sound like you could use them. Also one day at a time, you will get though this, just go at it on your own pace. Every small victory is a good one, use each one as a stepping stone to the next.

Have you considered that you may have ADHD on top of ASD? I am not diagnosed on the spectrum (my therapist thinks I have ADHD and I agree, however I may be more "ADHD with autistic features/tendencies" than full ASD diagnosis) but have a lot of traits. I can relate to some of what you describe. It's often like the oversensitive side is constantly battling with the under-sensitive side all while your nervous system tries to keep up the pace you might say, like not wanting to lessen or increase the stimulation level and getting stuck in one stimulation level until you meltdown or break in some way, or have a happy fit (hey, I can get high off banging an empty 2-Liter bottle around when I am happy ). For me, I get oversensitive and then under-sensitive back and forth, caused by emotions, stress, exposures outside the normal everyday like going to a baby shower or running lots of errands that require lots of talking to different people, sometimes no apparent cause. I am beginning to wonder if in the interim (when the changeover from oversensitive to undersensitive is occurring) if that is the time that I feel the way you describe. Haven't pinned down a real pattern though so who knows. That jump-out-of-your-skin feeling? Used to wonder if this was a bipolar thing, but my therapist has said she sees no bipolar in me and friends have said the same. Does this sound familiar to you?

Bump.

Hey, Aldermae, I know this was your first post and you were looking for answers and common ground. You also said you are kind of hesitant about people and trusting and stuff. Don't be too discouraged by the low response so far. Many of us start threads and get few or no responses. At least one of mine went unanswered once. Sometimes people read, but don't know what to say, have something to say but can't write it then for whatever reason, or just don't have anything to add. Sometimes it takes up to a week for a thread to even catch on and slowly collect responses. Some threads are never answered. Stick around. There are good people here.

@Aldermae: first of all, welcome.

Secondly: what you're describing kind of sounds like me - I need to be on the computer while watching TV, for example - otherwise, something just feels "wrong." I can only describe it as an inner "impatience" (with what, I can't say), thoughts racing without being defined...kind of fidgety (again, internally/emotionally more than physically), stuff like that.

I have CONSIDERED that I might have ADHD-like symptoms (thanks, QuiversWhiskers ). Right now, I'm also struggling with migraines that hit out of nowhere with no specific cause (having an MRI on Tuesday and will go from there).

All I can say is: hang in there (which probably doesn't help much) and please keep posting with whatever issues/problems you want to discuss (or just vent about). You are not alone. At all.

Probably cutting down on the "overstimulating habits" WOULD help - part of that is making yourself break these habits (which is far from easy). On my days off, I need to either (a) just work at my other job (I teach online and cashier at Walmart) or (b) turn everything off and just try to read a book.

Take care.