Tried to leave the house - failed.

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This is pathetic. I've been staring at my damn computer since I got home yesterday, with a short break for sleep. I've got a ton of work to do, but I'm just blowing it off. I'm not enjoying this at all, but I just can't seem to get any of what I need to done. Happend this time last year too. Early spring always weakens me. My wife was good for this, because she loved Spring, and would pull me out of hell, and make me play with her.

Anyhow, I decided that after wasting a beautiful day, missing a meeting, and just vegetating (not in a good way) that I would finally get outside. I needed some food (not desperately - just some things that make it easier). I got about 5 blocks and failed. No great panic or anything. Just the same malaise which kept me in.

It's not this site which is doing it to me. Before I was here, I was on another (still am) and wasting time playing neopets (of all things). I just can't seem to focus on anything I need to OR want to. I hate that this happens. I know, it's depression - go seek help - blah blah. But it doesn't help to know it. I just can't make the move to contact the shrink that I was dealing with. I don't know what the hell to do. Eh, I'll make it through - I always do. It just hurts and sucks.

I'm sorry.

I just believe that I should be able to face anything with resolution and will. It seems so unreasonable that I let myself be stymied by almost nothing at all.

Heh, I can relate and I have not gone to seek help. I cannot even read a long post because of my poor focus and I have to make myself do anything that is necessary. I suppose one tends to think, 'I shouldn't need help or drugs or anything else, my mind should be strong enough to overcome it'

This is my worst time of year too calandale. No energy, no motivation, so I understand where you're coming from with this.
Have a think- what one thing would you do first if you had the energy? The thing that would lift the pressure of things you 'must do' a little? Do that one thing first, even if that's all you can manage to do all day. Small steps, that's the way I do it anyway, hope it helps.

I do that as well. The more depressed I am, the worse it gets.

Doing a lot better. A minor physical change, and everything seems good. (well that and the feeling of unrequited love).

I'm glad you're feeling better.

The flame still burns brightly. I went out last night (as I always do on Thursdays). Everything was perfect - especially me. It's labeled as '80's night (all music from the 1980's) - that's kind of my time. I went dressed (and with my new beard style) as someone out of the 1880's. It was glorious. Met a couple of guys just throwing their lives to the wind, travelling through the west (one hitching one biking); how I envy them their willingness to just be free - I've always been too old to really do what they're doing. Then, once I started dancing, the madness took over. But, I'm still in good shape - a lot of work to do, but I think I can get through it. Maybe this will even last into next quarter.

Being on this forum, although it added to my misery originally, may well be helping a bit.