Posting to thin air? Help?

Post Reply New Topic

I was going to take a break because I'm really struggling lately but I find it helpful to be here. I also find it not helpful because it forces me to see things that I would rather not see as a lot of you sort of act as mirror and for so long in my life I have tried hard to deflect any 'negatives' that others would say about me. You know, as a middle aged person diagnosed late, like a lot of you, I was constantly told there was something 'wrong' with me and had to fight against that.

So anyhow. I have posted a lot here in the last couple of weeks. I notice people rarely respond to me directly unless they are being antagonistic or just outright mean. What am I doing wrong? Should I stop investing time sharing what I know and how I do things, or offering advice when people ask for it? It feels very rude to me when I invest time and make myself vulnerable especially in the parent forums and people seem to gloss over what I say.

Is this just me tripping or am I being perceived as someone to gloss over and not respond to here? I'd appreciate honest (but not mean or antagonistic) responses. It's really bothering me. I don't post to hear myself typing or because I think I'm awesome and have advice for everybody, I do it because I'm trying to assist or participate in conversations.

Thoughts?

I don't think people are deliberately ignoring you. Maybe they just can't think of anything to say in response. I'm sure people are reading what you post.

Thanks. There are problematic people here that I have learned to deliberately ignore because I find them too difficult for me (may say more about me than them) and I am worried I am 'one of those people' because in the real world of NTs people behave much the same way towards me. Folks either respond to me violently and antagonistically or just don't respond at all. I don't want to be 'one of those people' and would like to change my behaviour if it is affecting others in a way that makes them want to avoid me.

Don't worry about it, it is not because you are unlikeable or people are avoiding you on purpose.
It is because it is common to read and not reply, and also wp is not the kind of place with generally high social reciprocity which would be in this case posting just to say I agree or this or +1, which behaviors are ackshuly annoying to me, because they add no substance to discussion, but people are more likely to respond to you if they disagree with you, because they want to put in their view and think yours is wrong, so they are motivated to post, and that may eggsplain why it seems to you that others are antagonistic, but it is unlikely that people on wp are in general antagonistic towards you or even that those specific people who appear to be are.

That makes a lot of sense, btbnnyr. Thank you for the input.

I like your posts, ominous.

I am sorry if I have been one to ignore your posts. I do read them and I do appreciate them. Sometimes I just don't reply because it just doesn't really occur to me to do so. I read and then in my mind it's closed and I forget the other person might be in need of a response or I forget they don't know I appreciated their post. I just think they know or can tell.

I think I know how you feel. I feel that way often about myself. I notice I have periods on here where it seems most of my posts or threads seem to be pretty much ignored and I worry that I am giving crappy advice or that people are annoyed by me and think I am just a "faker" or a "wannabe" or deluded. I think these fears may actually be my own fears about myself, not other people's opinions of me. Then I have periods where my posts and threads aren't "ignored" and are shown to be interesting to someone else or they express appreciation.

I respond to you; haven't you noticed?

I don't think even 20% of my posts are responded to. People tend to override me, and respond to the post previous to mine.

If I post in PPR, it's more likely that I get a response. If it's in "General," probably not so much.

I often think: Maybe I'm not "intellectual" enough to be interested/fascinating?

Also: I'm the "last poster" in a fair amount of posts.

But I'm still the Wolfman!! !! So who cares?

I think a lot of these issues I'm having are all about me and not about other people, but I am trying to sort them out. I spent so much time insisting there was 'nothing wrong with me' because I was responding to all the negativity I experienced in my younger years, that now I am confused about it all. I know now nothing was 'wrong' with me, I am autistic. That's not 'wrong'. But the response from the world at large, as we all already know, that we are wrong or need fixing, etc.

I have built up a real wall around me to protect me from these hurtful ideas others have had about me, and I am trying to learn how to let those walls down so I can have authentic, loving and kind friendships with other people. It's a hard process. I don't really know who I am in light of my diagnosis yet. I knew for years I was autistic but having it diagnosed really jarred me in a way I wasn't expecting. Everything has changed now. Everything. I'm perceiving everything differently and trying to come to terms with it all. It's hard.

I'm also a bit stuck because there are some folks who post here who I think are having extreme problems and I'm a bit horrified to think I'm like that. I don't want people to perceive me the way I sometimes perceive others here. I want to be open to other people's opinions and ideas and be a gracious, kind and thoughtful person.

Thanks for responding.

I always noticed that you respond to me and I appreciate that. I think you go out of your way to make everyone here, even the more challenging characters, feel noticed and valued. That's one of the coolest things about you.

I often think maybe I'm too intellectual to be understood or that my intellectualism comes off as snobby or like I think I'm better than other people because I use big words or understand broad, theoretical concepts. Sometimes I can't have conversations here with folks who don't understand those concepts or don't seem too interested in understanding them.

It's hilarious to me that we're supposed to be missing self awareness. Maybe all of this is because I'm not self aware, but damn I spend so much time invested in trying to understand myself in relation to the world it's almost nauseating.

Has Wrong Planet ever tried a topic that would encourage users to plan to discuss certain ideas at a certain time once a week or so? That might help create a better social atmosphere here. So many topics get posts added over hours, days and weeks, and for most topics that works. But, I wonder if we couldn't experiment and try to create a kind of chat room where the posts arrive minute by minute.

I think you're just an "extreme" person, period

Seriously: It's appropriate to be "intellectual" here. You're in an ASD Forum!

I haven't seen you post anything inappropriate. I like reading your posts.

You know I was just kidding, right?

Not a bad idea, AspieUtah

Thanks for the feedback, em_tsuj.

Yes, I knew you were joking, kraftie. I am actually quite 'radical' in most areas of my life and I know that precludes me from inclusion on a lot of levels, but in those instances I defer to my 12 year old son's opinion on people who believe differently to him: 'You are entitled to your opinion, even if it is wrong.'

I'm a radical unschooler, anarcho-syndicalist and generally a rabble rouser; so there is some level of expectation that 'the majority' are not going to agree with my ideas. Those things I'm ok with as I have developed those philosophies over decades of rumination and self-education and feel solid in them. It's the other stuff I'm less sure about that pesters me.

If only I could have the self confidence that seems to come with total idiocy. :p

most my posts don't seem to get much attention except from you and ann. though you do tend to stop replying to my pms. poke poke

to op. we just seem to disagree on more stuff then we agree on stuff. I don't wish you any ill will though.