I feel like I lost my youth

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My early childhood wasn't bad necessarily. It was tough because I was afraid of talking and wanted to be an animal instead of a human, but I was engaged in a lot of things. I played outside all day, read a lot, and drew better than most kids my age. My family moved when I was eight, and I never adapted to my new neighborhood. No one there liked my family and I always felt like an outsider. I stopped playing outside, gained weight, became depressed, and started fantasizing about suicide. In middle school, I was teased about a lot of things, including coming to class early every day to read, so I stopped reading. I realize that is silly now, but I have to force myself to read because I have no desire to do it even though I enjoy it. It's the same with drawing. I used to do it all the time, but I just stopped in high school because I don't have inspiration like I used to. I spent most of high school in my head, daydreaming about things I would never do. I didn't have friends and ate lunch alone. I had one crush, but I couldn't get myself to talk to him no matter how much I told myself I would. I never had a first anything, and I have no fond or important memories of my adolescent and teen years.
I'm going to be a sophomore in college now, and although it's much better than high school, I feel like it isn't as good as it should be. I started making friends in my second semester, but I feel distant from them even though I'm closer to them than anyone else. They are all close-knit and I'm kind of a new friend to them even though we met a year ago. I think I'm having trouble making friends because I don't have experience. The same goes with romantic relationships. I really want one but don't know where to start. I feel like I'm younger than everyone my age because I have so little experience with life. I feel like I lost my high school and middle school years because I lived inside my head, and now I'm losing my college years for the same reason.

You're not the only one, I feel exactly the same way you do.

Me too.

But maybe life is like an RPG with lots of different statistics to level up. While everyone else was having a "normal" life, maybe we were learning skills that other people don't have.

My theory is that people like us will not have a mid-life crisis. We've already had it.

Preach on brutha!

When I had my birthday this year I nearly went off the deep end, thinking of my age and how NTs make a big deal about it. Chronologically I am 40 but I feel like 20, and every other day I find myself doing for the first time what most 14 year olds have already done.

And all this time I haven't found the axiom for building the perfect romance either

Yes, me too. Indeed the opening post felt like describing my first 20 years.

Incidentally I am now in my forties and have not had a mid-life crisis. I don't know whether its because I already had one when I was much younger, or maybe its because I hate my aspie-like existence so much that I will be grateful for my eventual death.

I'm nearing 50 but I still feel like a kid. I read and write fairy tales and short stories, I play video games, and the only kinds of movies I go out to are comic book based (Dark Knight, The Avengers, Star Trek). will do doubt go and see the Dark Knight Rises and the new Spiderman flick. Sometimes thin I'm just stuck in a 12 year old's body because I'm not in a relationship and marriage never crosses my mind.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just drifting, no rhyme or reason, creating works of art that, in the end, mean nothing. Sigh. Some of us will win, some will lose.

My high school experience sucked. I was too busy being psychotic to enjoy it, not that NT HSers have anything else on their mind other than getting wasted and laid. I didn't really get laid until I was out of HS. I'm 37 and I had a couple tiny midlife crises, the good thing is I was able to reinvent myself. I have a worthless degree, so I learned a skill. (computer repair) I was able to transfer that to iPhone repair.

I hated high school too. I'm just glad I'm finished, and although college is full of the same idiots, I can't wait till I get into the Army. Much less idiots there.

I am 50 now.

I was severely bullied to the point of being traumatized when I was in school through all my grades till I finely gave up and dropped out. then next thing I knew I got further traumatized by other cruelties in life because I was apparently an easy target but was blind as to why. when I thought I got past all that with understanding and logic I have found many of my current problems was that I still never done damage control on my own ego (which in a round about way has been the ruin of many of my relationships). seems I been so busy trying to recover my life for most of my life that I lost all my youth and younger years to traumas that was not even my fault. and now at my age I am starting to wonder if its even worth trying to finish recovering because few females would be interested in a male my age that still does not have it all together because of past issues I had little control over.

So yes in many ways I can relate, but your young yet. use your life and time wisely.

Your lack of experience in relationships can be of benefit to you, because that also means your not as hardened by the pains of all the hurt that comes along with failed expectations. which is a good thing. in most (young) relationships other people end up dumping their baggage of expectation upon their mates. your still innocent.

Sweet Pea hugs

Ya know sweetie, i used to have your phone number and we talked long. miss those days. hope all is going well for you my friend.

Things are going wonderful.

Are you KIDDING???

My high school years were hell on earth too. It was so bad for me that I had a complete mental breakdown shortly after graduation and couldn't go outside or even look at sunlight because it would set off my severe anxiety. It took me about 10 years to recover from it as I had no help and had to figure it out on my own. By that time, the chance to learn about love had passed and no one wanted someone like me who is inexperienced in these things.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

Seems like an irresponsible comment to make given you obviously don't know what you're talking about.