breaking out of denial ,what now ?

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I realize how s**t my dad and family was at home and I see how I acted in school.


s**t home life caused me to live in denial and cause aspergers and I see all the crazy stuff I've done .


I've been recording me and I have impulsive behavior I don't even see me do . like once my neice was climbing up on me and I was pushing her off and she saw it as a game . I tryed to knock her sligjty off me and accidently hit her lib and then in a dead pan voice I said "see,that's what you get for climbing on me " .


I tell lies well not lies but I distort reality and have no clue what to do .


In losing my grip with reality and have no one to talk to . if I GI to a hospital and be around other crazys it will only get worse


I went the other day and damn I saw me in everyone and can't figure it out .

I see how people act but I reject it , they will fiddle around with papers because they afraid I might get angry and freak out . like they do these things to avoid embaradsing others or getting them angry but yet politely letting them know .


I don't know why I reject it , I see it but reject it . and I'll believe things that have no basis in reality . I distort reality to fit me and have no clue why .

Someone please help , I dont know how to cope .


I'm seeing everything and it hurts , hurts so bad . oh man like someone please save me .

[moved from News and Current Events to The Haven]

you've been recording yourself? and oh man, i've done something similar...like when my cousin of 5 years was kicking me and hitting when i was trying to focus on something, she saw it as playing i guess but i wasn't exactly amused, and i tried to push her away but i guess i miscalculated something and she fell backwards and started to cry. felt horrid. she still does it but i just tell her to stop, seems to work now.