I'm so ashamed of who my family are.

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I'm ashamed of my family.

My mum's a nervous wreck and doesn't care about anything besides not getting ill. She has a chrinic illness yet doesnt look after ger health or listen to doctors. All she wants is to buy stuff as if that will magically make her better.

My sister is having difficulties learning and nobody is making an effort to help her or do homework with her besides me. She is just given an ipad to play on 24/7 and that's it, no education. She is becoming obese but she isnt encouraged to think aboyt the future or have goals; she isnt encouraged to think at all and has every decision made for her. Education is important to me but my family only think about what's on TV and not getting sick.

They have no goals for the future and constantly complain about life and that they should change yet make NO effort. They're pessimistic and useless. They never take action. There is always an excuse.

I'm the exact opposite. I really really hate pessimism. I will leave very soon if they continue.

why does it bother you?

WHY?

She seems to be the only one in her family with any ambition. She also seems to be the only one in her family who cares about others.

I don't blame her for wanting to get away and make something of herself; but my only concern is that eventually her family will come after her once she starts living independently and has a career and family of her own.

I know it's hard to change mothers--but you could encourage your sister to change.

I wouldn't be "ashamed" of my family. I would, instead, be irritated with them--and tell them so. Show them how to accomplish things through your actions.

Whatever happens try not to let them hold you back from what you want to achieve in life. You've got goals so stick with them and keep on going no matter how difficult it might seem at the time.

My mother died when I was quite young and my violent drunk of a father raised me. Every day in my life for years was one of fear because I had no one to turn to. My sister who was much older was every bit as violent as he was used me as a punchbag when he was too drunk to raise his fists in my direction.

To cut a long story short because the details will bore you anyway, I always had it in my mind to get out from that situation and I did eventually, since then I've never looked back.

I have my own home and a well paid job too but not much in the way of friends due to the fact I'm not much of a talker and I have trust issues too.


Don't let your feelings for your family get in the way of your life, stick with it because if I can make it anyone can.

I know someone who is also ashamed of his family but he shouldn't be. Because- you can't choose your family of birth.

Your family acts like a Cloud Of Doom & Gloom and if it were not for you being the only one to take a real interest in your sister, I'd advise you to leave as soon as possible. If you wanted to psychoanalyze their behaviour, you could Google the term "learned helplessness" as that might explain a lot.

Sounds like there could be depression issues going on...that can happen with people who have chronic illnesses, sort of hard to stay up-beat if you know somethings killing you, and that can kill motivation to really be active in looking after health. Sounds like your sister could use some encouragement and help, instead of just being treated as unteachable...but not sure she herself can be entirely blamed as she cannot control how people react to her learning difficulties. They aren't just going to magically become happy, fully functional optimistic people...I cannot say for sure it is depression but given your mom has a chronic illness and you describe her as a 'nervous wreck' and your sister has learning difficulties and isn't getting much encouragement or anyone engaging her in acedemic work....it would not suprise me in the least. Trouble is this isn't something they chose or can just up and not be effected by....seems like you could use a little more patience, and maybe focus on yourself and changes you want to make in your life rather than resentment towards family for things it sounds like they might not really be in control of.

That said you cannot fix them, they might need therapy or other more professional help to really address it...but resentment wont help you or them. If you think moving out is the best choice for you, nothing wrong with that...perhaps it would be good to get some space from them. But if you're caught up resenting then you can get caught up worrying about 'its not fair', 'well they should move' and potentially let opportunities to better yourself slip by on account of how it should be and how they ought to be behaving in your eyes.

From what was expressed in the OP, it sounds like at worst her family is suffering problems with mental health and/or depression....didn't really give the impression her family would agressively 'come after' her, sounds like if she did leave they'd be more caught up with their own problems still. My only concern is the OP will let resentment warp their perception and allow it to get in the way of her ambition and ability to gain a career and family of her own....what if her child turns out to have learning difficulties, and the school doesn't provide proper acedemic help/support and the child develops somewhat pessimistic thinking, is she going to be ashamed of her child than?

And keep in mind learned helplessness is not something people actively choose, or something one can just snap out of because someone finds it irritating. It is a rather serious issue, and can either go along with depression depending...or can contribute to it.

Right I agree. Learned helplessness is an unwilling condition just like Stockholm Syndrome. Nobody asked for it, and they'll most likely need professional help if they decide to change. Also, depression can occur both alone or in tandem with learned helplessness. These are all good points to keep in mind.

Not to sound too peppy and upbeat, but you shouldn't feel ashamed of your family you should be proud-- you didn't choose them, you developed into who you are DESPITE them. If anyone ever gives you sh!t about your family just say, "yeah, and I still overcame that upbringing-- what have you ever done in your life that's hard?"

Thanks for the replys guys. I'm not so upset about it anymore because nobody is perfect and i think everyone has bad days and better days. My mum does try hard to get things done around the house and her mood is mostly pretty good considering. She did have depression at one point and took meds that she said helped. Actually I think learned helplessness might be a part of things. She has a lot to deal with her health so other stuff on top of that might be too much?

I think my sister will do fine if she gets the help she needs and if there is slightly more discipline at home because she's becoming a spoilt brat and if she misbehaves there are no consequences. I personally like there to be a structure and to be consequences for myself too and it will be harder for my sister to learn self control as she gets older if she is allowed anything she wants as a child. I found myself that if you struggle with your self control or are impulsive it can cause a lot trouble and hassle in your life. It's not that she has learning difficulties that I'm so worried for but it's that she doesn't think about how education is important and Is not interested in how things in the world work. I suppose we're all different but I was always curious about everything I couldn't just not care about things going on in the world and how it all links together lol.
It's all okay though; things will improve.