Locked In

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Not sure what the point of posting this is really, or if I'll make much sense but I needed to put this somewhere.

I think this is how I get sometimes, mentally 'locked in' into one or a very small space, not doing things I should because anxiety dictates things too much. This includes getting too anxious to leave the house. Unstructured time drives me around the twist, weekends or bank holiday weekends, meh.

My mental health has been screwed up for a few years now though I've had counselling and therapy I've avoided the medical system and medication. Things aren't as bad as they used to be but does this crap ever really go away? I wouldn't think it would help me to confirm what I pretty much know already, plus I'd probably see it as an excuse and go oh depression la la la. I haven't cut myself in almost 15 months which is good but old thoughts are starting to come back.

Everything kicks off, will I manage time well, will I pass my uni exams in May, will I get these bloody assignments done, will I score on a par with classmates, what will I do for the summer blah blah blah. I think uni pretty much knocks the crap out of me quite a bit, particularly in the social context. It is hugely confusing to me to hear people making comments (mostly positive) towards me and even more confusing that they actually seem to invite me to things. Yeah, fair enough I try and help out but er, why do they seem to want to know me?

Sorry if this sounds like self pity drivel.

I too run into these horrible cycles. I don't know what to tell you. There are people here, who have a pretty good handle on how to control these. They don't often make it this far down in the forums though. If you like, we can move your topic to the haven or some other section of the forums. Just let us know.


Moved to the haven.

Oh OK, well if it's more suited to there I don't mind if it's moved. Thanks.

Left Handed, and ambidextrous for some tasks - although not enough for me to feel justified calling my experience 'cross-dominance'.

Left Handed, and ambidextrous for some tasks - although not enough for me to feel justified calling my experience 'cross-dominance'.

Huh?

I think girl7000 accidentally posted on the wrong thread (there's one on what handedness are you?)

I can relate to what you're saying about uni. I first found out about AS when I was at uni - before that I had no idea why I was having the problems I had particularly in social situations. It was because of this I finally tracked down AS as a possible cause of my "symptoms".

The whole social thing is a real enigma to me. I had what might be termed "friends" and was, I think, fairly well thought of. However, I was only ever thought of in specific situations (e.g. I was never invited anywhere in the holidays).

Oh and the anxiety thing - I would procrastinate my life away because I was so anxious. It was really weird and I couldn't understand it - I couldn't see why I "preferred" to end up in deep what-not over a piece of course-work than just do the thing. I still don't understand it.

On the positive side though, I did come out of uni with a reasonable degree, and even went on to do a PG qualification. That's all led to me working in the job that I wanted to do from being at university and I am doing OK. As I've grown older my abilities have improved and I can do far more things now than I would have been able to do when I was younger.

Your original post isn't "self-pity drivel" - WP is one of the few places you can talk about your concerns with like-minded people. I just want you feel assured that you're not alone with your concerns and I know that I probably can't say much to make you feel better, but there is support here if you need it.

I hope this makes sense - I'm not always much cop at putting my thoughts into words.