Ashamed of my self-pity

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Lately, it seems I've descended into a state of childish self-pity, and I feel very ashamed. As I've said before, I am currently very restricted by a my caregiver duties. Next week, I am getting a much needed break from all that in the Great Smoky Mountains. I made the mistake of looking at the long-range weather forecast for the area, yesterday -- nothing but rain the whole period! No,I'm usually one to revel in hiking in all kinds of weather, but too much rain doesn't bode well for my planned off-trail hike up one the streams of Mt. LeConte -- especially since it will be my first time attempting it. I made a whiny post on the LeConte Lodge blog, saying I guess I should stay home -- and maybe stay out the Smokies altogether. It was late, I'd had a bad day, etc., etc. After I read what I wrote, I felt ashamed of myself.

I'm not happy with how I'm becoming.

Lucky for you that long range forecasts are often totally wrong. But if it really did rain every day on my hiking vacation I was looking forward to, I'd be complaining too. And I'm not even self pitying. It actually does suck. All you can do is make sure to pack wet weather gear and try to enjoy yourself the best you can. Good luck!

Thanks, MollyTroubletail!

The ironic thing is I'm usually one to shake my head at anyone who complains about rain in the Smokies, seeing that it is classified as a temperate rain forest. I definitely always carry good rain gear in my pack. The weekend certainly looks good, but it all goes downhill on Monday. (I'll be driving down on Sunday.) I'm hoping the rain event will get pushed back at least one day so I can get my off-trail hike in on Monday. The rest of the days...well, I'll deal with the wet weather on the trails. The one saving grace is that the temps look to be very mild (in the 70s) for the week.

I can see various reasons why this would happen. And right now it may be serving the very important function of relieving built up stress for you. Keep writing. Don't feel ashamed. Give yourself permission to write whatever you like, maybe for a set time each day through this very difficult time for you - then burn it or rip it up and dispose of it. Don't beat yourself up with these "shoulds" and "shouldn't". Recognise how it is - your situation would be a very big ask on anyone, and as long as you don't get stuck in self pity 24/7 without any other feelings or moods, then recognise what it is - a coping mechanism. Which is perfectly ok. Caregiver burnout is also something to be aware of (maybe google it?).

Thank you, B19. You're right, it does seem to be a stress reliever -- these moments of expressing self-pity just seem to come pop out all of the sudden. It's good to get it out, but I should avoid doing if publicly. : )