panic

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*another* panic attack! i'm getting very fed up of this. i cut back on my happy pills, not much. i'm supposed to take 2 a day, i cut back 1/2. so i'm into panic attacks.

does anybody know if this is going to level out?

the thing is, when i'm not panicked, i'm filing my tax returns and moving that bookcase and doing the dishes - all sorts of stuff that i couldn't do before. so i wouldn't mind getting off the happy pills. and the doc would approve, already mentioned it.

i did cut back before, i was taking 4 a day, now i'm at 2 a day and that's fine. it's going lower than 2 that lets the panic in.

i've decided i don't have to be happy at all, just functional, so i can look after myself. panic attack is not functional. i've been in bed the last 18 hrs. even when i'm not actually in a panic attack, my head's spinning and my stomach's upset etc. obviously today is not a functional day.

what to do?

What is your reasoning for cutting down the medication?

"highly addictive and this stuff could kill you" per psychiatrist. i don't doubt him. he wants to switch me from anti-panic pill to ... dang i can't think. maybe an anti-depressant? aside from the fact that it's a silly idea, i'm not depressed, i'm terrified, for heavens sake. people thinkt he opposite of depressed is cherry, but it'snot, it's just uppers or downers. so imgine if i having a panic attack and take an upper. i'm already up through the roof.

that being said, i agree with him. i want offa that stuff. i'e reasearch and don't find another pill that works so good with panic. it's not that i'v avoiding the misery of a panic attack - if that'sthe price of freedom so be it. but now it's debilitating again. well, today it's debilitating. yesterday themorning was panic but the afternoon i got some stuf done.

my dreams are nightmary now. but what went wrong today with the sun. i always panic in full sun. and i got up and the sun was blasting through my huge windows - i should have shut them but i don't wanna sun-deprive my dog. now the blinds aer closed and i'm wearing blue sunglasses over my reading specs - blue helps so much! the world i see without blue is a kind of mustard biliuos yellow ick.

thanks for listening, y'lall.

I had my first panic attack last summer, when I was still living wigh my parents. It was the evening of the morning that I told my mum about my dream about vintage London and she told me to shut up, because my dad was around, and he doesn't understand obsessions. My mum thought that I was going to add the word buses to the end of the sentence, and I wasn't. That's enough for me to stick to a budget. I don't want to be back, living with my parents and having panic attacks over things that I can't control, just because one parent doesn't understand my obsessions, and I can't be open with the other one about my need for bowel protection, because she yelled at me for the few accidents that I've had, between the ages 3 and 6.

I'd get a second opinion. I can understand changing medications, but it should be done slowly enough that you don't have so much distress while doing it.

We've been cutting back since 2004. But this extra bit of cut-back, I've done on my own. I'm taking less than prescribed. I guess I'll go back up to prescription level. Drat. I'm going to miss my mind.

Well, you shouldn't have to put up with having to take a med if you don't like the side effects. If you want to get off it because you think it's numbing your mind, do it. I just don't think that it's a good idea to do it so fast that you're having panic attacks all the time.