Help me pull myslef together please

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I can't go to this place again. I really need to pull myself together fast.

I just cannot comprehend the selfishness and cruelty of this one person I know. I want this to all go away like it never existed. I don't want this person to bother me anymore. I want them to just forget that I exist and totally leave me alone forever and ever and ever.

I feel so bad I want to die right now. What is so wrong with me that could make this person treat me the way they did.

You may have heard this before....but chances are it has a lot more to do with what is wrong with them, than what is wrong with you.

oh yeah I got it straight from the horse's mouth, htat he is mentally ill and f****d up, at the time I said no and I thought he was being too hard on himself but now I f*****g believe it.

I heard it too from his friends but those same people who told me all about what is wrong with this guy would turn right around and defend him and then blame for me for things.

They are all nuts in mmy opinion, it's a cult, but they drive people to suicide, I lost count how many in this group have killed themselves. Yet they are all in denial like it's all so wonderful. It makes me sick.

Dianthus what has happened?

Well I was thinking more along the lines of them being a bully or just straight up jerk....it doesn't take mental illness to do that. Plenty of mentally ill people do not resort to being jerks to people...I don't think mental illness should excuse bullying behavior, but it seems like some of his friends see it that way.

That kind of thing does piss me off, I mean I have mental illness and granted there are times it gets me really irritable, grumpy or just upset in general.....so there's times I've been grumpy at people, maybe have been a bit snappy and things like that but that isn't my default way of treating people. If I constantly emotionally abused someone I could hardly say 'my mental illness is making me'. But either way I'd steer clear of these people regardless of 'why' they certainly do not seem like a healthy group to associate with. Me and most people I know are rather 'crazy' but we don't get together to tear each other down or drive each other to suicide....that sounds pretty sick.

exactly Sweetleaf, I think he's just a bully, and it has nothing to do with his illness. I had 2 other bipolar exs but they were not mean like that. It's not an excuse for being mean and hurting people.

it's too much to explain, things that go on the last several yeasr, and I am so stupid keep hoping something will change, I ugess looking for something I will never ifnd

just call it the long term effects of BULLYING

You're not responsible for the actions of other people, just because someone treats you terribly it does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Sweetleaf worded it much better. Bullies are spineless chicken sh!ts, and they have made you feel this way, you are not stupid because you have encountered cruel people.

When a group of people behave in this way, you might doubt your self worth, people will always take the easy route, it sounds like you were the scapegoat, because you seen through the BS?

it seems like its me because I am like a magnet to it

and when he told me it wouldn't happen anymore I believed it. he said it was all behind us and he seemed so kind and gentle then. but then he changed and became mean again. which one is the real him? it just makes me feel stupid like everyone else gets it somehow but I dont

I hear you on the magnet bit, (Edited to add that) I have felt that way about myself.

Do you see the good in people more so than the flaws?

Maybe, I don't know. I used to think that was it, but I think I'm pretty good at seeing the flaws in people too. I guess that is what makes me feel so stupid, because I usually see what is coming but somehow I don't get myself out of the way of it.

Thank you Amity, thank you Sweetleaf. I feel a little better now.

We're used to being told, and believing, we do things "wrong" and that makes us incredibly vulnerable to anyone with a strong opinion who wants what they want, which is most people.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you.

Thank you Waterfalls.

What sort of place is this where you see this person?

On the internet and in my thoughts and memories every day I just remember all the thigns this man said to me good and bad and I can't make any sense out of it.