Withdrawing

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Not on purpose, but by default. The more people I meet, the more lonely I become. I try. I engage people in conversation, listen, share, etc., but I just don't get anything out of it. The more I try, the more I fail. I think because of my autism. Whatever it is that bonds people together in humanity, I don't have.
I feel more of a bond with animals and feel other humans as evil predators, which really, they are. They are conversational predators. Wanting you to hear their inane stories as if they had value.
The more people I meet, the more valueless humanity becomes. I think it's the unconditional arrogance, the belief they seem to have in their value. It goes unquestioned and is reinforced by the rewards of consumerism.
I wish we would disappear from existence and leave the world free of our self consumed destruction.

Since diagnosis, one of the things I have had to recognize, accept, and even embrace is the fact that my social needs are much less than most other people. For years I had held myself to a standard that my interpersonal associations had to be within some range deemed OK by society. I find I am much happier when I dump that belief and allow myself the higher level of alone time that I want.

To paraphrase that guy on Mythbusters: "I reject their reality and substitute my own."

I'm sorry you feel this way, Ann.

The nice people seem to be hidden--but there are nice people in the world.

I think I need to start start accepting my reality and to stop trying to make it mesh with others'.

It's not that people aren't nice. I live in Canada, so pretty much everyone is nice. It's more that I fail to bond with them. Conversational exchange leaves me weary, not energized.

I have my own take on things. It's always nice when it meshes with others--but when it doesn't, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

I feel that way most of the time. Every once in awhile, I cross paths with someone with whom I have a real chemistry and connection. That happened recently -- now she's gone. I think that's why her recent passing has gutted me so badly. Meeting someone like that is such a rarity for me.

I know what you mean. Ive connected with a few people in my life, but it's so rare. When it happens it's a glimpse into normality. It hurts when it's over.

Yes, that feeling of relaxation with someone is remarkable! Most of the time, socializing is so stressful and exhausting for me.

I know what it's like to gradually become more and more withdrawn. I just can't seem to get up the energy necessary to sustain a friendship. I find that even fellow Aspies tend to expect me to talk to them at least once a day, and that's more than I can manage right now. So I've gradually let all of my former friendships fall flat, and I'm now completely friendless, and miserable as a result of that. More than anything else lately, I wish I were an NT. I absolutely hate having Asperger's Syndrome. For me, there are very few positives to it.

I sometimes wish I had a companion, but it doesn't seem to happen. I'm depressed. Not crying depressed, but numb depressed. I don't even care enough to wash my dishes. Not only do I not find others interesting, I don't find myself particularly interesting either.

I certainly find you interesting, Ann. You're a very articulate, intelligent, passionate individual, and I enjoy reading your insights here on WP. Don't give up! I know only too well how depression can eat away at your will to keep keeping on. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk.

I'm much the same. I find every new person I meet incredibly boring. I used to have a few very close friends when I was in my early twenties but they all moved on after they finished uni and what not. I've never really connected with anyone since and I'm 35 now. I doubt if I ever will have friends as good as those again.

I wish I could care about others. But I just don't feel any commonality most of the time.

It helped me to think of people as animals. When they tell their stories/converse, it reminds me of a friendly dog that comes up, wagging its tail and wanting to be petted and have your attention. Sometimes, it does not matter what they are saying. This does not work if I am in a bad mood, however.

I really believe that you care more than you think you care.

I see lots of empathy coming out of you on this Site.

I think you FEEL cold---but I believe, when it comes right down to it, you have a caring mindset.

I didn't say that right... I do care about the well being of others, I just don't find them interesting (most of the time.)