Anxiety Set to 11 Right Now

Post Reply New Topic

Spinal Tap references aside, I'm feeling miserable and anxious right now, and am scared and don't know what to do.

Here's my situation (which I've reiterated a dozen times by now in various posts throughout this forum):

I'm 22 and living with my mother.
She's really pissed at me (although she won't admit it) and wants me out. NOW.
(This is mostly due to the fact that I told her about how I felt as a child, that she wasn't really "there" for me as an alcoholic, single parent, and that sent her off, because she thinks my dad's the bad guy who won't take me in, almost never paid child support as I grew up, and has always been a misogynist, feeling that men are superior to women - "But what the f*** can he do?!" she asked me recently)
I had a good temp job for about 6 weeks, and then got laid off with no warning whatsoever, with the only explanation given to my temp agency (and thus me) being "He wasn't 'picking it up' enough." Now I've sunk into a depression, and my job hunt has taken a pretty huge blow (I only have a couple of prospects right now, and they're not looking good).
I fear that soon I'll be jobless and homeless and disabled, with one of my only real hopes being a housing project nearby called Redtail Ponds, although I'm pretty sure they have not available rooms right now, no official waiting list, and preference given to homeless and disabled (who are still, somehow, miraculously making some sort of income). I don't want to get to the point of being homeless before I find my own place, so it doesn't look like Redtail will be feasible.

Also, there's something else that troubles me - the nature of my autism. It's gotten exponentially better since I was a kid (and even as a kid of 6 or 7 years, I was doing pretty well - I just stimmed a lot and got along more with adults than with my peers, and had intense, singular interests like Paleontology). So, when I tell people I'm autistic these days, they just look at me funny, as if I'm actually joking, but I'm completely serious (or I'll ask them if they would have guessed that I was autistic themselves, and they'll say "No. I would never have thought of it!"). So disability accommodations seem completely out of the question, even though I don't drive and I'm struggling with employment (because I'm freaking autistic, and they can't seem to get that through their thick skulls!).

In short, what should I do? My mom's at the end of her rope with me, but I feel like I'm at the end of a noose, with no hope for some Deus Ex Machina to just cut the rope for me as I dangle and squirm. I'm really scared, and I feel like I've just given up on trying meaningful solutions and being proactive about it, because none of it seems to be working.

I think in general, the Tears for Fears song "Mad World" can be an anthem for autism...



...but for me personally, Pink Floyd's "Time" really describes how I feel on a regular basis.



I don't know what the future has in store for me, or whether it's good or bad, but it really looks grim from my perspective right now.