Visiting my friend soon but feeling sad and anxious

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Sorry if this feels like a bit of a trivial whinge (I guess it is), but I just want someone to listen.

I recently spoke to my best friend over the phone because I'm flying over to see her soon. She moved to a different state over a year ago and I'm going to stay with her for a week. It'll be good because I've really been missing her a lot lately. We don't actually talk that often because she's very busy with work etc., but I still consider her my best friend.

What's bothering me is that I feel like I'll be intruding on her life somehow, even though it's only for a week. We were always so similar - neither of us had ever had a boyfriend, we were living with our parents, and were each other's closest friend. Now it seems that all of a sudden she has her own life - she's living with her boyfriend, has a car, a full-time job and independence from her parents. And I'm still the same old single, socially awkward, part-time working and living-at-home university student with no driver's licence.

I am genuinely happy for her in the sense that her life is going the direction she always wanted it to, or so it seems. But I'm also envious of her and jealous of her boyfriend. He's her new best friend now. I know a romantic relationship is different to a platonic one but I'm no longer the person with whom she's closest. It's like he's taken her from me, even though she was never 'mine' to begin with. Physical distance between us doesn't help either.

Maybe I'm upset because misery loves company. I mean I'm not actually miserable, and I have a decent (albeit uneventful) life. We just had little problems and things in common which made me feel less alone. I know that the things in life I don't have are my own fault (e.g. not starting the process for getting my licence sooner or actively meeting people). My anxiety and possible ASD have really held me back though, not that I want to make excuses for myself.

I'm not really looking forward to the trip, as much as I hate to admit that to myself. There'll be four of them in the house and I'll be the odd one out. I'm worried I won't be able to judge the dynamics of the situation and won't know how to act, because it won't just be my friend there. I'll have to deal with feeling out of place, homesick and then sad when I do have to say goodbye to her again. It will be great to see her, no doubt, but I'm worried she may have changed and therefore I won't be as comfortable around her as I always was. Saying goodbye will still be horrible, regardless of how the trip goes. I'm scared about getting lost at the airport too, because my navigational skills are woeful.

Anyway, I'm just really upset because I miss her and the way things used to be, even though I know things can't stay the same forever. I should have made more of the time she was living near me, but there's no time for regrets I suppose. I'm anxious about the trip and I'm also guilty for feeling like a jealous so-and-so when instead I should be doing things to help myself. But I don't know how. Everything is too overwhelming at times and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

I don't really know what else to say or what I'm expecting for replies. I'm just feeling really down about this and needed to vent it. Am I terrible for feeling this way? Immature? Ungrateful? Perhaps I just need someone to help me see things from a different perspective.

Thanks for reading.

Myriad;

You were able to write it all out, thoughts, feelings, worries. Not trivial whinge (I had to look that word up).

I'm assuming, your friend helped you plan this trip? Days that fit your schedule and her schedule. She is looking forward to seeing you as well, this new life may be too busy and overwhelming sometimes, you are the only one she could say those things to, her new friends might not understand.

She knows you, get her ideas on how you can move toward your goals. But also listen to any bumps in the road she experienced and how she was able to do it.

She has some ideas on how to be a good host, but the phone call, just letting you know she does have other things going on. So take a few things you can do by yourself- reading, music etc. Have you looked at possible touristy things you might like to try in her town?

Its going to be a fun trip. Will you be able to update and post things here while you are gone? Or we'll just have to wait for when you get back?

Thanks chapstan. I'm sure I'll have some fun times but I'm still nervous and have no idea what to expect.

I guess it just feels trivial because I could be going through a lot worse. I'm also very fortunate to be going on this trip in the first place!

Yeah, I booked my tickets many months ago so she could get the week off work. That in itself is proof that she wants to spend time with me, isn't it? But then I remember that the trip was planned ages ago and I feel as though I was closer to her then.

I haven't really looked at many touristy things to be honest because I decided to leave that up to her. I'm not sure what she's going to want to do so I thought it would be best to let her take the lead.

I'm not sure how much time I'll have to access WP, but if people are interested I can try and give updates. Then again, I don't want to bore people with the details so perhaps I'll just wait until I get back.

M;

However it works out for you. As was discussed in another thread today, you don't have all the drama and "reality" of the Kardashians, but we still live with things that are interesting and important to us.

What state are you flying to?

Go and have fun. Recreation = 're create yourself.

If your friend didn't want you there, she wouldn't have invited you.

Case closed.

I am poor at finding my way also. Airports are crowded, but there are directions posted everywhere. It's built for tired distracted people to find their way. Try not to worry too much about this.

Hopefully it's a wonderful trip that creates good memories. I hope you both can focus on enjoying each other.

chapstan, a valid point. And I've never thought of the word 'recreation' like that before, so thanks!

kraftiekortie, you're right. I'm probably overthinking things, just like I do with everything. I'm still anxious about being around her other housemates I don't really know though, and being away from home.

Waterfalls, thank you. I'll try not to worry too much about the airport! It's worse because I've never flown alone before and haven't been to this particular airport either. I'll just follow the crowd when I get off the plane.

[quote="MyriadWaterfalls, thank you. I'll try not to worry too much about the airport! It's worse because I've never flown alone before and haven't been to this particular airport either. I'll just follow the crowd when I get off the plane. [/quote]
When you get off the plane, there will be overhead signs that direct you to baggage claim and ground transportation. That's almost always where you go, for her to pick you up or to take a bus or taxi. And everyone else will be headed that way.

There are some weird rules if you're in the U.S., like about bringing liquids, but you know everything you need to?

Don't put any liquid in carry-on luggage which weighs more than 3 ounces.

It's more comfortable to know what to expect. If you're in the U.S., you definitely want to be prepared they might still have you take your shoes off, and walk through a machine, and put liquids in zip lock bags. And there is a very low likelihood but they can single anyone out for a more thorough search, which can be upsetting.

Just ask questions if anything confuses you in the airport and If anything bothers you, remember these are people and they don't want to upset you, just to do their jobs.

I can relate to the airport anxiety. The first time I flew alone (at 24) was to Pearson Airport in Toronto and I remember my first time flying I had a huge meltdown (8). I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was even with the lack of signage. I was also worried about security since this was after 9/11 but it was actually FAR easier than as a child. The staff were better trained, more understanding and far more professional and I find that at every airport I have been to at least here in Canada.

I survived a week and my brother and his wife's place and he is my complete opposite to me (i.e. messy, disorganized, choatic). I am sure you will be fine!

Thanks everyone!

I have actually flown a few times so I'm pretty confident about what to take on board. It was always to other states and with others who lead the way though, which is why I'm nervous. But I guess it can't be that hard to get around! My friend will be meeting me when I land so I won't be alone for long.

So I think I'm feeling a little better about the airport side of things. But I'm still apprehensive about the visit itself. I think it's the uncertainty of what it's going to be like and how I (if I do) fit in with the others. I'm worried about the little things too, like if I'm taking an appropriate amount of clothing and where I'm going to sleep. What sorts of things do you all do to deal with uncertainty or being out of your routine?

(Another little thing: I'm planning on wearing boots with metal eyelets for my flight tomorrow. Do you think they will set the beeping off when I go through the scanners? )

They'll probably make you take off the boots--so it shouldn't matter.

In case anyone might be interested, I just thought I'd mention that I'm back from my trip.

Though there were brief moments of social discomfort and small things that bothered me, I had a wonderful time with my friend. She seemed the same as always and I got along well with her boyfriend, who is very lovely. I felt very welcomed. I actually realised two main things while on the trip, and I think I've learned a bit of a lesson.

Firstly, my friend is a true one and simply moving locations and building a life for herself does not mean that she does not value me anymore. Our friendship surpasses physical distance and life changes, or so it seems. I know people do grow apart and our friendship is not immune to that, but I don't believe that we will lose touch anytime soon. Her boyfriend has certainly not replaced me, nor will any future friends of mine (platonic or otherwise) replace her.

Secondly, I no longer feel as envious of her and her new life as I did pre-trip. Because I was not directly involved in her life and had not seen it firsthand, I think I imagined how things must be for her through rose-coloured glasses. In other words, I failed to remember that simply moving out of home, finding love and being in a good job does not mean that you are immune to bouts of stress and unhappiness. This does not mean that I'm glad she has problems! It simply made me realise that with new situations and life changes come new stressors and issues to overcome. All I feel is happiness for my friend and the knowledge that she is where she needs to be. She has the support she needs to get through whatever life throws at her.

It sounds simple and quite obvious, I know. I think I just needed a wake-up call! And sure, a part of me still hopes that I can have some of what she has one day. I still miss her terribly, but I feel better having spent some quality time with her and being reminded that she is still there.

Oh, and the airport was very straightforward (though I did have people to meet me at either end ).

Myriad;

Of course we are interested, happy that the trip went very well, that you made it through the airport ok, (did you have to take your boots off ?), and are home safe and sound.

I don't guess we get to see all your pictures you took on the trip, but other than great times with your friend, did you do any other fun things?