Moving house and struggling- advice?

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I've lived in the same house for 15 years now (I'm 20). I live at home with my parents when not at uni. I always thought I was actually not too bad at coping with change, but with this coming up I'm starting to realise that the only reason for that was that I had this entirely familiar safe place that was always just THERE. And I have a really solid group of friends nearby too who also give me the security I need to deal with change. But soon we'll be moving a really long way away, and I won’t have my friends and home or anything familiar and safe to go home to. I won't HAVE a home to go home to, because there'll be other people living here and once we've gone we can never come back to this house, and the new house won’t be home.

It feels like I'm slipping down a slope or being helplessly taken out to sea by a current. I feel genuinely terrified all the time, because everything solid that's always been there for me to hold on to, everything that anchors me and provides structure for me, suddenly isn't solid at all. I feel queasy and panicky whenever I think of it. I feel so HELPLESS and it’s actually really going to happen but I can’t even begin to comprehend it, it’s just like this looming blackness coming closer and closer.

And I find it really difficult to talk to my parents about things I'm worried about. I think it's cos I find it difficult to put these things into words when I’m talking, and cos when I’m anxious I can’t form words properly. And then they see I’m anxious and try to comfort me, but don’t quite understand exactly what I’m trying to say so tell me things that don’t actually help. And say things like “it’s ok, change is a part of life!” which is so unhelpful because I KNOW that, but that doesn’t make it in any way OK. But they think that makes everything better. Also they try to be kind and sympathetic and hug me, but I don’t want to talk or to be comforted when I’m like that- I just want to curl up and hide and close my eyes until it all goes away. I also hate crying in front of them cos they try to comfort me. I know they want to help but it makes me feel awkward and ungrateful unless I pretend it’s helped me, and then I feel frustrated and still upset anyway.


I’ve tried talking to my friends, but they’re saying similar things that don’t really help- “you’ll get used to it” or “don’t talk about it, I don’t want you to go” or “well you can always visit the town if you miss it” or “don’t worry, we can still Skype” (which isn’t the same and isn’t enough anyway- I miss them so much when I can’t actually see them in person. I only make it through uni terms by knowing that I can go home to them at the end, and that my house will still be there just the same as always).

As well as this, we’re having to clear old stuff out of cupboards. I find it really difficult, and mum tries to help but she always asks if we can get rid of *this*, or *this*, and gets frustrated because I’m struggling to communicate cos I’m trying not to cry. She tries not to show it but I know she does. I want to say “no” to all of it but I don’t want to annoy her by keeping too many things. It doesn’t help that she asks it as though to say that of course I couldn’t possibly want to keep this old thing, cos that’d be silly. So then I feel even more upset, and then she tries to be sympathetic about it but it doesn’t help, so she gets frustrated and complains that I’m being unhelpful, which in turn makes it even more difficult to communicate and not cry.

Basically, does anyone have experience with/ advice for dealing with moving house, and all the related things (clearing out old stuff, having strangers take everything and move everything around so everything's in the wrong places, desperately missing your best friends who are the most important things in your life), when you have Aspergers?

Why can't you keep in contact with those people via the internet?

I understand the stress of being uprooted. How many miles away will you be moving?

If you could make friends where you are now, you could make friends in your new location. You could, as stared above, keep in contact with your old friends.

What are you studying at Uni?

Who knows---maybe this will prove to be a positive new beginning.

If you feel lonely, you could always come here.

Well, I will keep in contact via the internet, but they'll all have each other down here and wont need to keep contact with me, and I fear that even though we're really close at the moment we'll just start drifting apart cos we wont properly be part of each others' lives any more.
It's about 200 miles away. I can't drive so to visit is about a 5 hour journey by train, and then staying at one of their houses which is nice in theory but in reality I start struggling if I'm with them all the time for more than one day. Not really sure how to explain that to them without offending them, but also worried if I don't then I'll get stressed and frustrated and they'll notice and think I'm annoyed with them... I do try really hard not to show it cos it isn't their fault but it builds up until I can't think straight. So I am quite worried about what it'll mean for my friendships, even though I can still talk to them online. I've heard some people say that long-distance friendships work fine and others that they always fall apart, and while I doubt it'll ever fall apart on my side I'm not certain it wont on theirs, if that makes sense...

I study environmental biology at uni I do have friends at uni who I'll see every term- at least until then end of uni, when I'll probably never see most of them again anyway- but for the most part they're kind of friends of convenience. We get along well enough and have our course in common, but not really anything more than that.. they don't have a sense of stability/reliability/safety to them, I guess. Uni's such a transient place, people you start getting close to one term you then suddenly don't see for a year cos they chose different modules or went on a year abroad, you know?

It could be a positive new start. I'm being pretty pessimistic about it, but it could turn out to be a good thing. It's just difficult to see how when I already have everything I want here! People I adore who love me back, a town I know like the back of my hand, a house that maybe isn't the most beautiful but is {i]mine[/i], is where all my memories are... new places and new people are all well and good and it's nice to see them, but only if I have everything to come back to here.
But you're right, maybe I should work on seeing just the positive things and trying not to think about negative things. Only, the sudden lack of security I feel is just so terrifying it's really difficult. Thinking of strangers living in my house and never being able to return makes me feel really panicky.

Thanks for replying, I really appreciate it. (Even if I seem to be endlessly rambling about how awful everything is- it just helps if I can type all the worries out of my head. But I will try to think more positively about it as you suggest)

I think you have an understandable fear of the future.

I'm glad you are willing to take a relatively positive approach to this.

You're not in bad shape...at all. You're going to school, and you have friends in school.

I have a strong feeling many people in your situation experience similar concerns.