Hopeless

Post Reply New Topic

I've been struggling with the feeling that it's too late for me to change or develop. I've missed so many milestones. I've tried accepting myself with all my weaknesses and insecurities but it's hard not to want more from life than just passing the time. I'm not independent yet and I don't know that I will ever be. I know I'm probably depressed right now but I feel like in my situation I should be depressed. I'm currently waiting for treatment and it's difficult to be patient.

This is the vicious cycle that you need to get past right now. I understand how you are feeling right now.
Just make small steps, set yourself a new goal each day, something that is realistic and achievable not massive steps that you cannot reach and are bound to fail at. Keep fighting. Life goes up as well down. Best wishes. NW.

You are right. I find it harder to cope with the set-backs after feeling a little better for a few days. Thanks for the advice.

I took my dog out this morning for a walk/job. I didn't feel like it or getting up at all but I made myself do it anyway. It's helping me sleep even though I feel quite stressed.

It's not too late, you can still develop in your own ways. Just get out of your head that it needs to be exactly the same way most people develop! And it takes more work because you need to find those alternative ways. Be your own doctor, be your own therapist, decide what's good for you and do it.

Just for reference, I've had my first kiss with a random girl this year at some anime convention. It sucked BTW, but it felt like I hit a milestone. Also practiced hugging there and now it's almost not abnormal to me. I didn't expect this to ever happen but it did.
Basically I was my own therapist and decided what's good therapy for me.
It all was due to an accumulation of events I couldn't have expected the day before. My neighbor talked about it the night before and I unexpectedly decided to grow some balls (have the courage to make a step outside my comfort zone) and ask if I can come too. It was very spontaneous but in the end I managed to hijack the situation to my advantage.

This is not the regular way how people learn to hug or have their first kiss, but it worked for me. I wish this would happen every day, I would be NT in a week or so!

You can probably develop slowly, but why?
People say "change doesn't happen over night" and that's true, because it happens during the day if you're creative with your actions.
IMO if you walk around and hear from friends/neighbors about events that might be a little intersting to you, ask if you can join them (you have nothing to lose!) use the situation as a catalyst for development. Find opportunity in these things and then bend them according to your needs.

I sit at home almost every day but at that day I made HUGE progress.
I don't see why you couldn't do the same. All you need is an opportunity... hmm.
I know these are hard to come by. Sorry if this wasn't helpful, I tried.

Milestones are just average guesstimations of when events should happen.

In the past I've nearly pushed myself over the edge trying to achieve and maintain typical things at the same time as my peers, yeah it wasn't worth my wellbeing to chase after things before I was ready.

I wasn't mature enough for the serious type responsibilities then, I was going through the motions, now it feels like I might be able, but unfortunately I have somewhat blown my chances with certain things.

What type of dog do you have?

I don't think you've "blown" anything, Amity.

This is true for anybody else who has experienced breakups and other untoward life events.

One could always move on from most things--except, perhaps, things which give you some sort of adverse public record. Even then, things could be overcome, though with somewhat more difficulty.

Life always has setbacks; they are inevitable. I wish it were like Tom Sawyer and Becky.....or like the couple in "Boy Meets World" to use a more contemporary example.

I see what you're saying. I'm not ready yet for those milestones. I'm not mature enough in some ways but I am slowly improving and I have to remind myself that life is not a race. Thanks for the wise words. Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond

I have a Chocolate Labrador by the way. It helps a lot with getting out. He's great company and he's always happy to see me.

Oh I am glad you understood, I have been trying to word it a different way...

Kraftie - There isn't a specific 'right time' to start full time employment, get married, have 2.5 kids, buy a house etc, but there is a wrong time and that is before a person is ready.
I wasn't ready, and no I have not blown everything, but there are lasting repercussions as a result of pushing myself into situations where I had not yet developed the required skills to cope.

What I was trying to communicate was something I wish I had been told, sometimes we are just not ready yet and that is ok. 30 really is so very young, there is time to achieve many things.

Dogs are the best-est! I have two small fluffy ones, and my Mum has two huge guard dogs. It's a bit like a three ring circus at times, but each of them live in the moment and that reminds me to try do the same.