I hate Asperger's and obsessions (long post, sorry)

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Thought I was getting over my obsession since I've been dating my boyfriend but I obviously haven't.

I've still got this obsession with this woman. No, I'm not lesbian. It's not a sexual obsession. It's just a "oh I want to be like her in every way" obsession.

I hadn't seen her about for ages, which was good because it became out of sight out of mind. But I saw her today, chatting loudly to someone, and I couldn't ignore that high-pitched voice of hers.

The bus I was on was parked in the bus station because it was early, and I was the only passenger on, and I couldn't help myself. My boyfriend rang and I found myself stepping outside the bus to talk to him on my phone, which was about 10 yards from where this woman was standing. I just wanted her to see me talking on my phone.

Why? I don't know. But now I am regretting it, as usual. I usually learn from these things, but I never seem to learn from the stupid things I do when this woman is around. Well, I do learn, but I can't help myself at the time.

Problem is, she's a colleague of my boyfriend's, and she hates me ever since me and her had an argument a year ago. So now I'm worried that she saw me stepping outside the bus talking on my phone, and might have cottoned on that I was trying to do that to make her think "oh look, there's Jo" or something, and then told my boyfriend how stupid I'm being. Or she might make up a string of lies about me. I don't know. I'm probably worrying about nothing again. I mean, talking on my phone outside the bus is pretty casual, but like I said, she might have cottoned on.

It's just that I feel insecure about myself when she's around, because I've found that she can be nasty, but yet all these people like her and there's always somebody talking to her. I wish I was like that but I will never be in a million years. And she's always flirting with men, even though she says she doesn't. Even if men don't desire to flirt with her, she still manages to overpower them. So she probably flirts with my boyfriend, although she once told me that if I was ever seen flirting with her boyfriend (if she's still with him) she would punch me (this was before I met my boyfriend). Not that I would flirt with her boyfriend, but she was just being nasty.

I just need to really keep away from her sight if I can help it, and not make myself obvious. But I can't seem to help myself. I don't like to talk about her to my boyfriend because I don't want him to know I'm obsessed with her. I don't know if she talks to him about me or not. He says she doesn't, but he might be just saying that to make me feel relaxed. But then again he does often tell the truth to me about things.

Why do I get myself into these messes with my obsessions? I mean, generally I am a responsible person, who's rather mature about friendships and relationships, but when it just comes to this one woman, I am completely stupid.

Seems to me you are afraid/intimidated (can't find the right word in English sorry) of this woman from those past experiences and the anxiety of that fear kicks into overdrive when near or the thought of her. Since she works with your BF its a constant reminder of her existence (and anxiety trigger).

Obsessions are part of anxiety/OCD (they come together) so it is normal to have them.

My best friend has a really bad case of anxiety and OCD when it comes to 'to-do' things.. she just started university two weeks ago and already she's done all the reading, homework and essays for the entire semester...all because the syllabus outlined it all. She just had to get a 'pending' thing off her mind so she crunched the entire semester into two weeks.

I posted respond and deleted..as I felt too personal..I have something to tell about this matter though from experiences...it's bed time where I live so I'll post tomorrow..

So really, it's a normal thing to get obsessions with certain people? Maybe it can be, to an extent, but the way I think and act about my obsessions feels abnormal. I know I've matured a bit now, but 10 years ago I had a very strong obsession with this couple (I don't know them any more and fortunately the obsession faded away when I was 17), and it made me out to be a stalker. Actually I done all the things a stalker would do; hung about discreetly near their house in evenings, knew their car number plates, felt overwhelmed with joy when I saw one of them in the town (usually they were driving in their cars), took photos of them discreetly, followed them around a local fair once, even somehow got their phone number and phoned them up - only to make everything worse. My family were worried, and my mum would shake her head and go ''your obsession is so intense, I don't know what to do with you.'' The police even got involved, and my mum had to explain that I was just a 14-year-old child with Asperger's, with an obsession, and I was very harmless. He understood, which was lucky for me.

I know teenagers can be immature and get obsessions, but I was really bad.

Hey, Joe90, what I can tell is I've been stalked by people and that makes me avoid starting any kind of relationship IRL.
Sorry, that I found that I'd rather not say about this subject for a while for my mental wellbeing. I don't know if I can share these experiences ever.

I agree Dantac's view generally. And after reading the second obsession of yours I thought you need to be helped by professionals. It's becoming unhealthy more and more. I hope you find the right solution soon.....

It's ok, I am not as bad as what I was when I was a teenager. I don't stalk her, because I am more mature now and so can control my obsessions more. Plus these days I don't remember anyone's number plates, and I've never seen her car anyway and I don't intend to.

It's ok, about my original post, I was just worrying over nothing again. The posters that said about this being something to do with anxiety are right. I talked to my boyfriend the other night about this, not in too much depth because I don't want him to think I'm turning it into a big deal, but he said that I have nothing to worry about. He said that he will tell me if she says anything about me, which she hasn't so far, and that if she does tell lies about me he won't listen to her because he knows me more than he knows her, and he's not gullible enough to believe silly lies.

I have so few people in my life that I can easily get obsessed with any single person I know. I am aware of this tendency but it doesn't stop it from happening altogether. I don't stalk or do anything overly not normal but my emotions can often be very strong even when there's not much of a connection. I remind myself that I'm still relatively immature and that crushes are not unusual. I do think it is unhealthy to obsess about any one individual in your life and it can cause a lot of problems if you don't respect boundaries. You should probably talk to a professional if this is really bothering you.