f**k the gimp .

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With both only 7&1/2 toes and the effect on me of not having been allowed proper " act two " recovery after the last amputation operation , I think I can call myself a " gimp " if , perhaps , only allowed so say 1/2 crippled ~ Not crippled enough to say " crippled " - " crip " .
It's my own self saying that , allow me to say .
Rushing ahead , this afternoon , I was so filled with rage? frustration? ~ I sort of attacked my stomach/mouth , buying a 2 for #5 burger combo at Burger King + 10 chicken nuggets and a large Dr. Pepper plus lots of sauces - Partly , I wanted some hot food in my stomach , I've taken to try and buy (mostly mushy) food that's heated simply to heat my body , being outside so much .
I am having to bang this out , not much reflection/composition time .

...There are only two open-use computers in the whole SF Main Library now , next to each other , one has a chair always in front of it , the other (higher_ does not .
I fetch a chair from somewhere else when I'm waiting and it coms up , with my gimped-ness , sleepiness , - Hwever , one particular guard gets on my ass about it , saying , " This computer is only for standing " , that I should wait for the one with a chair already if I want to sit .
In the park by here , they have some " no camping " rule that is enfirced as " You can't have a blanket/whatever over your body , you must be uncovered " - One guard at the ark has rather been enforcing that on me , I say " pick on the gimp " to him .
I have just these one , dirty/sweaty , clothes - If I bought & carried a second set , how would I carry the additional weight ?
Especially with a 2nd pair of shoes , if I got one .
If I had money to get some storage space , say .........

...Perhaps I have not emphasized enough that , after my hospital stays here , I have found that the medical stuff/prescriptions I have been given are met with " You need to update your Medical from Santa Cruz to SF " , you haven't named a primary physician " , etc. THEY DO NOT GET ANY RESULTS ! THEY WILL NOT FULFILL THEM !

I know what it's like when you get out of hospital and you feel so weak and even standing and moving seems like you're trying to run in a dream.

I recommend meditation because you seem to be suffering very badly physically and mentally as well.
You could also try to talk to your doctor about some counselling as well because just reading it here you don't seem to be right at all. Sometimes just talking about these things is helpful regardless of whether they can do anything else for you.

...I HAVE NO DOCTOR .
I'm sorry , but , I NEED TO REST OR I'LL NEVER GET BETTER , plus treatment , " meditation for the homeless " , BAH , sterotype " Marin County/Berkeley lah-lah " .




quote="Adamantus"]I know what it's like when you get out of hospital and you feel so weak and even standing and moving seems like you're trying to run in a dream.

I recommend meditation because you seem to be suffering very badly physically and mentally as well.
You could also try to talk to your doctor about some counselling as well because just reading it here you don't seem to be right at all. Sometimes just talking about these things is helpful regardless of whether they can do anything else for you.[/quote]

...I was going to talk about self-depreciation I did the other night , but instead , I'll say that , this morning , up all night and wanting to sleep some at 8 AM-ish , and I went to some non-watered lawn space directly in front of the side of the SF Asian Art Museum ~ and then , soon , had the z" clear-out " folks trying to move me on , " because we have to clean " , then , when I wouldn't move , they called the cops on me - I had a bandage on my feet frommlast night's hospital visit , but , as I was getting up , I tore of the bandage so the cops/clean-ups could really see my gimpy feet and set " Push along the gimp ! You're a big hero ! Maybe this'll happen to you someday ! "
I REALLY NEED SOMEWHERE TO REST & GET BETTER .

...Connected to my feet's condition , both of the fre4e food feds here I've regularly gone to , regarding my fragile walking , briefly , are giving me trouble .

Aren't there homeless shelters there you could go to so you could get rest, food and possibly therapy and psych meds? That's an option that might work.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

...As I have put up (I realize you may not follow every " personal life " line of mine .) , I am presently in a shelter ~ There's two meals a day , but I think I'm not getting deep enough sleep , and we are rousted out pretty early in the morning , which forces me to do MUCH walking , on my bad feet - carrying my heavy backpack - , in hilly SF , and the left-foot wound has gotten NOTICEABLY more spread-out/squooshed around from all the walking I do , much more ~ And , frankly , even another " inmate " ther4e said something to me , noting the foot wounds and my already-amputated toes , " I think this place is somewhere you're likely to pick up worse/lose more toes " , or similar .
Thank you for your concern .
Actually , it's not just the shelter conditions maybe making my sleep not enough...It's heavily just having to walk around so much , not getting enough sleep !
This was true pre-shelter , too , it's maybe , like , the condition of my feet's condition wanting much more lie-down/sleep time ! !! !! !! !! !!


quote="OliveOilMom"]Aren't there homeless shelters there you could go to so you could get rest, food and possibly therapy and psych meds? That's an option that might work.[/quote]

...Frankly , a host of diabetes/hypertension/whatevvaa pills I am now taking have me very sluggish/sleepy-y too -
As of today , my week at the shelter , which was going to officially expire too-morrow morning , was extended another week ~ I cannot use the storage drawers (I tried) , more later .

...As I said , it was extended , but I cannot use the drawer beneath my bunk for storage , I tried and was told by the staff that my bunk's drawer could not be unlocked due to particular basis under which I was there .
I still have only one set of clothes , the clothes that I am wearing ~~~ which makes washing them fairly difficult !