I just got myself fired

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I think I need a hug and a shoulder to lean on.

how dependent were you on the income this job gave you?

sorry to hear.

It was only a part-time job; I wasn't making that much. My main issue is that my parents are perfectionists; once they learn that I got fired from yet another tutoring company, I think they'll erupt. I'm not sure what else to do with my life. My only strength is math, and I've got severe social anxiety issues.

How come you got fired?

Just try again.

I was fired from a couple jobs when I was young. I tried again.

I used to be a tutor, and apparently I disturbed some of my pupils more than some of them disturbed me. As for the whole "trying again" thing, I'm really starting to lose my patience with the very idea of working in general. I was never good at tolerating my own failures or understanding how to avoid making the same mistakes twice. I've already been fired for being too socially inept for my occupation before, and I don't know what to change about myself or how to go about enacting that change. I want to hurt myself so much right now.

Tutoring company? The whole problem is that your clients picked all their bones with you by proxy via your bosses. That's all stuff people should get over 1:1. People being shifty is not your problem dude. I've tutored a bit between software jobs and definitely met some success. You can get paid way more from about the same hours if you just print up fliers with tearoffs of your name/phone/email and leave them in cafes. Just accept a hearty dose of platitude with the work, people simply want to understand their homework.

Not everyone is strong enough to be in "competitive employment." Document your firings, the date started, the date fired, the reason for being fired ... and use this in defense of your disability income application. They always want concrete facts supporting your inability to work.

It may also help you if you choose to work with the Vocational Rehabilitation people instead, maybe they can find a better line of work for you.

Here's a "guy-type" hug. I'm not really into heavy hugs--unless she's my lover.

I think you could succeed in tutoring, since you have knowledge of the material.

I promise I won't criticize you--but how come you got fired? Like I said, I've been fired, and would not have responded well to criticism. I respond well to constructive advice, though.

Maybe we could talk about how we can prevent you being fired in the future.

Hugs for you, Jar

Being knowledgeable doesn't mean jack if you lack the ability to convey what you know and the capacity to change how you teach what you know. I got fired because I snapped at children who didn't respect me. There were children who would leave for most of the period without excusing themselves, children who complained when I slowed my pace for the sake of children who had weaker grasps on previous material, children who outright told me that they had zero interest in tutoring hour and only came for the sake of class credit, children who talked back to me because they incorrectly thought they were smarter than I... I could go on and on. My point is that tutoring at risk children drove me nuts (again), and I let it show too many times. This is the main reason that I *HATE* tutoring. It's one thing to be dealt kids who don't know valuable information; it's another thing to be dealt kids who don't care about gaining valuable information (or about showing common courtesy).

I think that one surefire way for me to avoid getting fired is to avoid getting another job, possibly by committing suicide. I'm a bit over-sensitive when it comes to making mistakes; the more I screw up, the more I hate myself and fear trying again. I'm not sure if it's because of how I was born or how I was raised. My parents more or less told me when I was younger that I shouldn't stress out when losing a toy in the house; instead, I should only get anxious when it comes to situations where I may risk wounding my parents' pride (like when I lose something of value, or get less-than-perfect grades). But my parents have harassed me whenever I showed any emotion, including fear, because I frequently OVERreacted, and this was their go-to method of "resolving the issue." Shakespeare once said "To err is human", but thanks to my dysfunctional parents and possibly some incompetent teachers, I have a different idea ingrained in my brain: to err is unforgivable. If my parents don't do something out of anger that can put me out of commission, I will. I really hope that clarifies things, kraftiekortie.

I'm so sorry that you feel at such an impasse. Listen, I would not be any good at the sort of situation you're describing, either. It takes a special gift for working well with children. I have always known I don't have it.

Please don't let your life or death hinge on this one job. No matter what your parents think, you can't be blamed for failing at a job that you aren't cut out for. There are many jobs that would be easier for an autistic, that don't involve so much interpersonal give-and-take. It is probably a good idea to apply for SSI (if you are in the US) and the details you described here support your problems working - as well as your suicidalilty.

Please reach out to a suicide hotline or ER, if you are feeling suicidal. Please.

Don't ever tutor again. That should be a pretty obvious start (not trying to be condescending in anyway, just as helpful as I know how). Knowledge about something can and does get people pretty far, even when they can't work with people to get to a stable position. It just depends upon how you sell your skills (not your personality), and what position you're applying for.

Also, while suicide solves the sensation of pain (both physical and emotional), it also precludes the possibility of ever experiencing pleasure to any capacity (unless you're of the mindset that there's an afterlife, but unfortunately there's insufficient data to support this claim atm, so I wouldn't gamble with that hypothesis if I were you). If you were prescient and knew, for a fact, that your life would NEVER get better from here on out, then yes, I could understand your rationalization for suicide - otherwise, you're just like everyone else, and life could get better in the future for you (the trick is that you have to take the initiative to make it happen, something that even I am still working on as I type this).

I also understand where you're coming from with your obsessive-compulsive mindset of "always being perfect," but the fact of the matter is that that is simply a delusion that's been instilled in you, and that needs to be unlearned. Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes, and learn to take pride in certain accomplishments, no matter how small. If your parents think you're f***ed up and you'll never be good enough in their eyes, then screw them! How should their agenda, in any way, effect you? I can already hear the retort "Well, they might kill me if I keep screwing up!" or if you're still living with them, "They'll kick me out of the house and I'll be homeless!" but you know what? That would probably amount to nothing more than just empty threats and hot air - my mom's been telling me that for a few weeks now, and today she even asked "Do you have a job yet?" and when I replied that I didn't, she said "Wow...jobless and homeless. That's gonna suck!" but she hasn't kicked me out yet! And if she does, there's always someone I can turn to, even if it's just myself (which it isn't) - the police; other family members; housing projects; the government (to an extent); you name it! So don't be afraid of them! You're a big man, you don't have to submit and act like you have to please them all the time, because it's not about them right now - it's about you, bud.

Something that my therapist has been trying to teach me for a few weeks now is what he calls "assertive talk." It goes like this:
He used his dad as an example for what I'm about to teach you. His dad was a narcissist and a functioning alcoholic, and even in his thirties my therapist still received criticism from his dad about him wearing blue jeans (essentially being informal, because in his mind doctors were supposed to wear suits all the time and look professional). So, calmly, my therapist, who had received his doctoral degree in Psychology only a few years earlier, first established an understanding of his dad's position (in my mind, that's the hardest part, especially for us aspies). He then said "Dad, I know that it bothers you that I wear blue jeans, but I like them, and we're just having lunch together." His dad would bounce right back to his original position of "You shouldn't be wearing them, though, you're a godd*** doctor!" And again, he would reassert his position (wording it a bit differently) until - and this is extremely important - they came to some sort of compromise. He presented alternatives, like "Well, would you rather just not eat lunch together? I haven't seen you in a while, and I thought it would be nice!" to which is dad would reply "Well, no...agh, fine. Just go in your jeans, then." 'Til the day his father died, he would still criticize him for his attire - but it lessened more and more each time, until it was pretty much just:
- "You still wearing jeans to lunch?"
- "Yeah. You got a problem with that?"
- "No, let's go."
I tried it a bit with my mom, and it was only when I gave up on it that things got worse - because the few times that I have tried it, I found that it worked a little. Try it, you never know how it'll turn out.

Last thing. Just remember how to differentiate between fact and opinion - your parents thinking you're a failure is their opinion, not an objective fact. You have to determine your own self worth. Also, everybody has their own agenda by which they attempt to satisfy their needs and make themselves happy, your parents seem no different than my mom in this regard. So find a way to "kiss ass," AND make yourself happy at the same time (easier said than done, right?).

I really hope this helped a bit. I don't know what I would do without my therapist (he's grown to be a great mentor and a friend just since we met in August). Just remember that there are those who do care about you and want to support you - even if you're not aware of it yet.

<hug for you>
Some people are so unpleasant that the only thing they do all day is complain about anything and everything as they go along. And struggling students are especially prone to bad-mouthing teachers and staff if they don't pass. I wouldn't look back, it couldn't have been a great job if they we're willing to fire you under these conditions.

my lack of social skills caused me to lose my medical license. i considered suicide. glad i didn't. got on disability. got married to the sweetest guy and have a different career path. please, please, please, don't take on your family's perfectionistic attitude. we all have value because we're human. it's human to make mistakes. try to keep perspective.